I can't buy you formula but il help you breastfeed ?

[zuptop]

I have just seen this on one of the local Facebook groups . Can't help but feel this is adding pressure onto women who already have made decision to formula feed.

Something just doesn't sit right for me...
Although I am sure they believe they are being kind

"As well as donating items to a local food bank, I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula. I can’t buy any for you but I can support you to maximise your breast milk production and therefore decrease how much formula you need to buy.
I’m a trained breastfeeding peer supporter and I’m part way through my breastfeeding counsellor studies"

So YABU- lady in question is just trying to help mums build milk supply or
YANBU- post is a little judge of formula and putting pressure on mums to breastfeed when they might not want to/ be able to.

Yanbu. Its not being helpful, its pushing an agenda

@TheNinny

How is it pushing an agenda?

If I drop a tin of kidney beans into the food bank basket at the supermarket, am I pushing an agenda that beans are better than all the other foods I didn't drop in there?

@Draineddraineddrained

If I drop a tin of kidney beans into the food bank basket at the supermarket, am I pushing an agenda that beans are better than all the other foods I didn't drop in there?

Dunno but you are assuming the person receiving them knows and has the other ingredients / equipment to turn them into a meal. Such an odd donation.

@TheNinny

Yanbu. Its not being helpful, its pushing an agenda

The official national guidance is that food banks shouldn’t receive donations of formula or give it out.

What agenda would that be Ninny? Prioritising the health needs of babies?

The topic isn't tins of beans or comparing sofas to chairs. It's a woman's body parts, pain, personal space, tears, emotions.

Your username really compliments your post. “Should breastfeed”? Good lord.

Shouldn’t women do what’s best for their babies? What’s wrong with that?

@ParlezVousWronglais

Your username really compliments your post. “Should breastfeed”? Good lord.

Shouldn’t women do what’s best for their babies? What’s wrong with that?

It's not "best" if it (a) isn't working; (b) the baby isn't getting enough; or (c) it is too taxing mentally on the mum. That's just a few examples. Plus, as many others have reiterated, it is a choice that is to be respected. If someone just doesn't want to do it, then so be it - live and let live.

My mum didn't breastfeed me. She had to go back to work when I was 3 weeks old. I did well at school/university, became a city lawyer and have barely suffered from more than a cold throughout my life. Oh, and I'm not overweight and extremely close to my mum. I'd like to understand from you that, considering my mum didn't do what was "best" for me in your opinion, in what ways would I have turned out better?

I literally don't care how anyone feeds their baby but do we really need another debate about why breast, nutritionally, is best? It's been done to death on here.

YABU.

When she says she can’t donate formula, it reads like she means “can’t” not “won’t “. As in she can’t afford to, but will do what she can to help.

@sunsetorange brand new mums will be coming on here daily. The topic will always be heavily discussed even though you may have been through it many times.

@Cgar2018 I agree with you. There are so many situations where it may not be the best choice. The lack of empathy between women on here is scary!

I think the main problem with the original Facebook post is that for someone genuinely struggling with breastfeeding and wanting to switch to formula and perhaps struggling to afford it, they may have read it and felt a small glimmer of hope because she directly refers to formula first, before mentioning brrastfeeding. I don't think she needed to mention formula at all.

Speaking as someone who breastfed all her babies and is very pro breastfeeding, I find the tone of the ad judgemental and rather pompous.

Being able to, or not being able to buy formula for people is irrelevant, if she wants to help women with breastfeeding and she's not pushing an agenda why mention formula at all.

My DD is a trained breast feeding councillor and I'm pretty sure breast feeding counsellors aren't suppose to go around 'drumming up business' like that, yes, I realise she isn't using it as a business.

I do however, think it sounds like this woman is getting a little above herself with her new found knowledge.

I think the should have offered support to anyone who would like breastfeeding support . Instead she has specifically singled out people who give formula. No nerve touched but I'm a supporter in women being able to decide what they want to do with their body. If someone has decided not to breastfeed and now are in financial difficulty that woman trying to get them to breastfeed again is not always going to be the answer.

No of course it isn’t always the answer, but she hasn’t said it always will be the answer, has she? She’s offering support with one possible solution to the problem faced by a mother who’s combination feeding but is struggling to afford formula. She hasn’t said that breast is best or that she doesn’t want to give formula, she’s said that she can’t give formula (which is likely to be true).

She’s trying to help women caught by the ‘top-up trap’, but rightly hasn’t used those words because that would sound judgmental. But it can in some cases be a vicious cycle - give formula, milk supply decreases, give more formula, milk supply decreases - and your formula costs increase alongside that.

She made it clear that she’s part way through her course to be a breastfeeding counsellor, anyone with half a brain will realise that she’s doing it because she needs case studies, although I’m sure she would appreciate the opportunity to help people as well.

YABVU to take it as a judgement or criticism, it’s an offer that could well help some people. The fact that it doesn’t help everyone is irrelevant. When I make a donation to Cancer research UK (for example) no one comes along and accuses me of being judgemental towards people who have diabetes because I didn’t choose to donate to them, because that would be ridiculous. It’s the same thing.

respectfully, considering how these threads always end up going, I think new mums should run for the hills and find information elsewhere then on here when it comes to feeding their baby. it's good to see it from both point of views but inevitably they always end up in a slanging match no matter how innocent the original post or question may be.

It's not "best" if it (a) isn't working; (b) the baby isn't getting enough; or (c) it is too taxing mentally on the mum.

After support I agree with you. But sometimes the above can be lack of support in which case we’ve failed women and babies as a society.

Plus, as many others have reiterated, it is a choice that is to be respected. If someone just doesn't want to do it, then so be it - live and let live.

Of course it’s a choice. Lots of things are a choice. But human milk is the optimum for babies in terms of health and development. That is the evidence and we shouldn’t shy away from saying it. Formula is an intervention (when advised by hp) not the norm and we shouldn’t be promoting it as a lifestyle choice. And yes it is still possible to support women respectfully regardless of feeding choice.

My mum didn't breastfeed me. She had to go back to work when I was 3 weeks old. I did well at school/university, became a city lawyer and have barely suffered from more than a cold throughout my life. Oh, and I'm not overweight and extremely close to my mum. I'd like to understand from you that, considering my mum didn't do what was "best" for me in your opinion, in what ways would I have turned out better?

Great. Glad things have worked out so well for you. We do our best and that’s all anyone can expect. This isn’t just about individuals though it’s about the population. There will always be individual variations and people who fall outside averages. On average breastfed babies are healthier across the population. If more people formula feed and less people breastfeed then the average health of the next generation of children and women will get worse.

@NailsNeedDoing

She made it clear that she’s part way through her course to be a breastfeeding counsellor, anyone with half a brain will realise that she’s doing it because she needs case studies, although I’m sure she would appreciate the opportunity to help people as well.

YABVU to take it as a judgement or criticism, it’s an offer that could well help some people. The fact that it doesn’t help everyone is irrelevant. When I make a donation to Cancer research UK (for example) no one comes along and accuses me of being judgemental towards people who have diabetes because I didn’t choose to donate to them, because that would be ridiculous. It’s the same thing.

Why would she need case studies.

If she's doing a peer support councillor course through the NHS then she's won't need case studies.

It's not generally done as a 'college' course with a diploma give at the end.

@Caneloalvarez

The topic isn't tins of beans or comparing sofas to chairs. It's a woman's body parts, pain, personal space, tears, emotions.

And if that is how the woman reading it feels about bf no doubt she doesn't want to do it and will ignore the offer.

But if a woman is partially bf and wants to decrease the amount of formula she is using for cost reasons, she may see this and think "hmm, useful!"

So why is there a problem?

"Formula is an intervention (when advised by hp) not the norm and we shouldn’t be promoting it as a lifestyle choice."

I don't see anyone promoting it as a 'lifestyle' choice. I do however take issue with describing it as an "intervention". Dictating how women should be using their bodies - well, that comes across to me like something a US Republican Senator would come out with.

"We do our best and that’s all anyone can expect."

Shouldn't this be the bottom line?

"If more people formula feed and less people breastfeed then the average health of the next generation of children and women will get worse."

This is where there is a disconnect between the popular position vs the scientific. You can't scientifically assess whether one person faired better BF'ing than FF'ing, so you look at siblings. Virtually no difference. I don't see SAGE/scientific community screaming and tearing down the walls over this issue either.

Anyways, agree to disagree.

It's deeply sad how people with breastfeeding difficulties are so badly supported and left with all this baggage. I don't see how we can avoid people being hurt and triggered by this discussion but it still needs to happen.

Sounds like she wants to help people who would like to breastfeed their babies. Breast milk is amazing. Formula milk is amazing if that's your choice or only option. It's your right to choose. But this culture of not wanting to promote breast feeding because it might offend is really strange. Fed is best. But breast milk is amazing. There i said it

I’m not even sure how many women this would help - the majority of women I know who combi fed did it because they wanted to be able to have a break and for DH to give a bottle, etc.

If she is able to help women stick in the ‘top up trap’ then great, but I don’t really think there was any need to even mention formula. Are people even allowed to give face to face breastfeeding support at the moment?

@Oregano20 but why did she specifically mention formula feeding parents ? Why not offer breastfeeding support to all

@pigsDOfly

Speaking as someone who breastfed all her babies and is very pro breastfeeding, I find the tone of the ad judgemental and rather pompous.

Being able to, or not being able to buy formula for people is irrelevant, if she wants to help women with breastfeeding and she's not pushing an agenda why mention formula at all.

My DD is a trained breast feeding councillor and I'm pretty sure breast feeding counsellors aren't suppose to go around 'drumming up business' like that, yes, I realise she isn't using it as a business.

I do however, think it sounds like this woman is getting a little above herself with her new found knowledge.

Yeah. She sounds like a smug arsehole. When will breastfeeding campaigners realise this isn't the way to promote breastfeeding? Making women feel worse about themselves when they are at their most vulnerable helps no one. It certainly doesn't help breastfeeding rates.