Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

367 replies

bananamuncher · 14/01/2021 09:09

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 14/01/2021 11:05

@AnneLovesGilbert

Instruct him curtains open, breakfast things cleared, floor swept and children washed and dressed. Write him a fucking list.

What?

Yes quite, I second your ‘what?’.

FGS do not write him a list! He’s not a teenager who needs a chore list from mummy.

Sethy38 · 14/01/2021 11:06

Totally confused

The OP posted this two years ago

* Left an abusive relationship in a dramatic midnight rescue with toddler last week, went back to family in UK. *

Are you referring to this current DH OP?

Rooroobear · 14/01/2021 11:06

Is it one of these things that men sometimes do....oh if I do a bad job and make out I can’t find things and I’m rubbish at it that she won’t ask me to do it again and I can just have my lie ins while you can get to fuck! Nice 👍🏻

C0NNIE · 14/01/2021 11:07

@Sethy38

* I'd clean it. Be icy calm with 'D'H and then when they children in bed read him the riot act.*

What a thoroughly shit way to spend the day.
Stuck at home
And just tension all day
Shit for the children too

Wait until toddler napping
Park 5 year old in front of a bit of TV

Sit down and have a chat with DH over a coffee

YY OP.

YOU get the baby to sleep.
YOU put the 5yo in front of TV.
YOU make a coffee for your husband ( remember he doesn’t know how )

Maybe you should bake a cake too. Remember to wait nicely until he’s finished playing the guitar. Speak in soft gentle enticing tone, so as not to scare him. Get his slippers and pipe ready beside the fire.

Put on your prettiest dress, perhaps tie a gay bow in your hair. Wear make up and perfume of course, men are visual creatures.

Sway19 · 14/01/2021 11:07

Why are you laughing? I’d be embarrassed

PuppyMonkey · 14/01/2021 11:08

I voted YABU for putting up with such a crap DH and finding it funny.

WizardOfAus · 14/01/2021 11:08

Men, hey?

FrenchBoule · 14/01/2021 11:09

@Comtesse exactly.

Who would start playing the guitar when their partner NEEDS to sleep?

Only inconsiderable arse.

OhCaptain · 14/01/2021 11:09

@bananamuncher you left this man two years ago? Confused

ToHellinahandbasket · 14/01/2021 11:09

I wouldn’t be laughing either!
Can’t make coffee? Was inconsolable? All the questions? Sounds like a bloody toddler

Sethy38 · 14/01/2021 11:10

So talking with your husband is something that makes you... what? A stepford wife?

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 14/01/2021 11:12

Are you laughing because if you don't you'll kill him?

Lesserspottedmama · 14/01/2021 11:14

If my husband had swanned off to the bath under those circumstances I would’ve sent the kids in to get the bath also. What a twonk. Extreme tiredness is so hard on couples though, DH and I been there so many times. I hope you get to catch up on your sleep soon OP.

RantyAnty · 14/01/2021 11:15

It's not funny at all.

Of course, it's deliberate as you are the wife appliance meant to serve him, so he made you pay for daring to ask him to do anything.

You have a 5-year-old so it's probably been this way with him all along.

Definitely work on ending the bf for your own sanity.

I'd never let him have a lie in for at least a year or so. Keep a special kit of yo yos, kazoos, ping pong balls, sticky sweets just for the occasion. Let the dog out to get properly muddy and then straight to jump all over DH.

Have your walking gear ready so you can nip off for a leisurely 1 to 2-hour health walk alone.

Repeat until he miraculously learns to make tea/coffee and care for his own DC without tormenting you. I reckon it'll take about 2 times, 3 if he's the stubborn type.

Dagnabit · 14/01/2021 11:16

He went for a fucking bath? LTB.

notalwaysalondoner · 14/01/2021 11:18

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and so scared of this happening to me. DH isn't currently a man child but was raised by a 1950s style SAHM and still sees chores as something to try and get out of. Due to a lot of 'training' he's now pretty good but the underlying attitude remains and I'm scared that having kids will upset the balance and I'll be in this situation... any tips to avoid this anyone (he's great in other ways so none of this 'you should have chosen someone better' crap please)?

Notimeforaname · 14/01/2021 11:20

notalwaysalondoner this is worrying.

You wont change him. He will always have this 'underlying attitude '

Thatwentbadly · 14/01/2021 11:20

@bananamuncher

Oh, and there’s now milk under my fucking oven...
Your oven. Do you have to do all the cooking and cleaning to?
Original poster
bananamuncher · 14/01/2021 11:21

I’m not a martyr, at all. Toddler is 16months but very much a mobile toddler.

I’m remarried, yes.

Honestly it is funny, because it’s not normally like this. He’s downtown now playing with the kids and has been homeschooling DS.

We’re under an awful lot of pressure. Business has dwindled to nothing and he’s been finding it hard to sleep, he’s stressed and sad I get it, playing the guitar is a way to relieve his stress, obviously he shouldn’t be doing that when he’s supposed to be doing something else but I’m not a complete bitch, he’s struggling too.

He really does get it about the ridiculous drama this morning, and has not only apologised but also is now dealing with the kids as a decent father should.

I posted this as a lighthearted rant, but in classic MN fashion there’s a crap load of judgement and self righteous pearl clutching about how he’s a thundering wankgoblet.

I’m not going to leave him, I’m going to communicate my issues and deal with the ways we can do better.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 14/01/2021 11:21

Due to a lot of 'training' he's now pretty good good luck training a toddler and a grown man..

evenBetter · 14/01/2021 11:21

Is this the domestic abuser you posted about before? Or did you pick and marry another one?

StormyInTheNorth · 14/01/2021 11:21

@OhCaptain Hence my pending extraction.

WizardOfAus · 14/01/2021 11:21

[quote OhCaptain]@bananamuncher you left this man two years ago? Confused[/quote]
After reading your shocking previous posts, I really hope this isn't the same husband.

Happyone8 · 14/01/2021 11:22

I would be livid if this was me ! It’s been done on purpose because he didn’t want you to have a lie in and this will teach you not to expect one again ( otherwise suffer the drama /consequences) my dh would be getting my wrath and then some and would be thinking of ways to make it up to me and not repeat this ever again . I’m certainly wouldn’t be cleaning up or being ok with him lasting in the bath . I’d be saying today - take them to the park and I want a few hours to myself now .

CaraDuneRedux · 14/01/2021 11:22

@notalwaysalondoner

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and so scared of this happening to me. DH isn't currently a man child but was raised by a 1950s style SAHM and still sees chores as something to try and get out of. Due to a lot of 'training' he's now pretty good but the underlying attitude remains and I'm scared that having kids will upset the balance and I'll be in this situation... any tips to avoid this anyone (he's great in other ways so none of this 'you should have chosen someone better' crap please)?
If it's financially viable to take the whole year of parental leave, make sure you split it 50-50 so that he actually is physically left at home with his child full-time and has to take responsibility while you go out to work.

Of course it's a bit of a bugger because the 0-6 months bit is bloody hard work for sod-all pay back, and 6 months is about the age babies start to get interesting, but (because of breast feeding) legally women have to take the first portion of the shared parental leave, but I think it is the quickest route to ensuring he actually does his bit.

Or do what a friend of mine did (obviously by accident) - get acute gall bladder trouble, have to go into hospital for an emergency gall bladder op... Her DH said when she got out "this is a lot more work than I'd realised Confused" No shit, Sherlock!