DH just sabotaged my lie in in the most spectacular fashion.

[bananamuncher]

I was up most of the night with writhing breastfeeding toddler, DH promised me a lie in as I sobbed at 3am about my poor battered nipples. Morning arrives. 5 year old wakes and DH takes his sweet time to get up and take him downstairs which means I’m basically awake now. I hear screaming and sighing and much drama from downstairs. I do get brought a cup of tea in bed though, (proofof no intention to let me sleep...?) While delivering tea he asks me lots of questions about where things are and the day’s weather (how the fuck would I know?).

Five year old comes flying in, switches on lights and climbs under the covers, waking toddler and bringing dog into bed. I can hear DH downstairs playing the fucking guitar! He finally comes up to collect five year old and also takes toddler downstairs. Complains he is useless at making coffee and he can’t find many, many things.

I hear more screaming and shouting from downstairs and decide to give up and go down. I get downstairs to kitchen,DH, five year old and dog all covered in milk ( some bizarre accident apparently) DH inconsolable and flapping about incapable of cleaning it up. Five year old now running around naked except open dressing gown, DH still quizzing me about toddlers missing slipper and the fucking weather!

He’s now taken himself off for a bath....

WIBU to bury him under the patio?

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....

@bananamuncher I get the cup of tea when I would prefer sleep also. Expect not all will agree with me but whilst today not DH best day for contributing- it would be the guitar that tipped me over edge - hoping he is good at contributing in other ways? Can you pass the baton again and make him do lunch/ dinner?? Get him to pay for cleaner etc? We also have lots of dogs, laughing better than murdering....

"don't panic daddy, we just need the dustpan and brush, it's not a disaster!" 🤣🤣

@Draineddraineddrained. Sounds like your 3 year old is more clued up and grown up than your DP!

My husband quite often falls asleep with our 4 month old on a Sunday afternoon (he works the rest of the week or he'd probably fall asleep with her every afternoon!). Whilst they are sleeping I get on and tidy up/put dishwasher on/washing etc. She then wakes and he passes her to me and when I protest he states that he's had her for a couple of hours!!!

I don't think he understands that watching an awake child is very different to a sleeping one!

He does take our five year old to the park afterwards though - so at least I get a break from her!

"Or.... Perhaps DH is a thoroughly decent, hardworking and considerate person who is under stress like we all are and lost the plot one morning, which OP subsequently posted about. A post about ten minutes (or even 10 days for that matter) in which parent acted as a shit incompetent parent doesn't actually mean they are sht incompetent parent the other 364 days of the year. Assuming even that we are not getting a very one-sided emotional spur of the moment account of an event."

Dunno though, if my husband did that one time, I'd assume he was having an extremely bad day and let it go.

Generally people post about things that are repeated patterns of behaviour.

The OP herself admits this.

If you want light-hearted and fluffy responses to male uselessness, mn is not the place to come. OP herself stated this. Why post then? Because she knows he's useless and wants it validated. At the same time, she lashes out at us because that's safer than lashing out at her shit husband.

Oldest psychological trick in the book.

@niki26

My husband quite often falls asleep with our 4 month old on a Sunday afternoon (he works the rest of the week or he'd probably fall asleep with her every afternoon!). Whilst they are sleeping I get on and tidy up/put dishwasher on/washing etc. She then wakes and he passes her to me and when I protest he states that he's had her for a couple of hours!!!

I don't think he understands that watching an awake child is very different to a sleeping one!

He does take our five year old to the park afterwards though - so at least I get a break from her!

Try leaving the tidying up that you do while he is asleep, take baby and let him get on with it.

And you had two children with this useless dickhead? Wow. I would not be laughing. I'd be reading the fucking riot act, getting him to clean up the kitchen, look after his own dc.

How deeply unattractive.

This is what I hate about men.
Selfish and strategically incompetent.

I’m laughing about it to be honest but Jesus Christ....
Well, if he makes you happy, that's all that matters.
I'd prefer a proper lie in and a husband who is of some use.

i don't think he understands that watching an awake child is very different to a sleeping one!

Of course he does, @niki26 . He understands that very well.

@IDontMindMarmite

I'd be tempted to sleep somewhere else for a night and really leave him to be a responsible adult!

This.

You definitely need a weekend away at the earliest opportunity so he can learn how to adult!

@FunkBus

"Or.... Perhaps DH is a thoroughly decent, hardworking and considerate person who is under stress like we all are and lost the plot one morning, which OP subsequently posted about. A post about ten minutes (or even 10 days for that matter) in which parent acted as a shit incompetent parent doesn't actually mean they are sht incompetent parent the other 364 days of the year. Assuming even that we are not getting a very one-sided emotional spur of the moment account of an event."

Dunno though, if my husband did that one time, I'd assume he was having an extremely bad day and let it go.

Generally people post about things that are repeated patterns of behaviour.

The OP herself admits this.

If you want light-hearted and fluffy responses to male uselessness, mn is not the place to come. OP herself stated this. Why post then? Because she knows he's useless and wants it validated. At the same time, she lashes out at us because that's safer than lashing out at her shit husband.

Oldest psychological trick in the book.

This ^

Ok maybe I am deflecting. I’m fed up with being taken for granted and I’m tired and fucking stressed out and it feels like he piles everything on me. We left the U.K. in the summer so I don’t have any family support at all. Not that we could right now. I can’t face the thought of having made another bad marriage decision and yes it’s true, lashing out at those of you who are supportive is shitty of me, apologies.

I'm very glad I read the updates and he has apologised!
This kind of uselessness/sabotage is SO annoying.

I wouldn't have laughed, I would have been incredibly angry.

@bananamuncher

Ok maybe I am deflecting. I’m fed up with being taken for granted and I’m tired and fucking stressed out and it feels like he piles everything on me. We left the U.K. in the summer so I don’t have any family support at all. Not that we could right now. I can’t face the thought of having made another bad marriage decision and yes it’s true, lashing out at those of you who are supportive is shitty of me, apologies.

Staying with someone shitty is way worse than making another bad choice though.

There’s absolutely no shame or judgement in leaving a bad relationship. It’s not a reflection of you. It’s 100% the fault of the dickhead in the situation. In this case, your ‘d’h.

Now, I’m not saying LTB. I’m just saying if this really is ongoing behaviour, and you really aren’t happy then you MUST give yourself permission to LTB.

You were being unreasonable not to take his guitar and batter him with it.

From now on, when your toddler wakes you, I would make sure DH stays awake with you the entire time (which I'm guessing he didn't).

My friend's partner does this, except he just surveys the mess and chaos around him and laments that he can't do this anymore. So she has to clear it all up and sacrifice her rest. Then he will sulk. Pathetic tbh.

My friend's partner does this, except he just surveys the mess and chaos around him and laments that he can't do this anymore. So she has to clear it all up and sacrifice her rest. Then he will sulk. Pathetic tbh.

But it works!

In normal circumstances, I would tell him what I thought of him,
take myself out and leave him to it, but you can't even do that.

@bananamuncher it’s ok ❤️ It sounds tough , especially being isolated from your support groups . Have you got any family or friends that you can still chat to on the phone ?
Have you sat dh down and explained how you feel or have you done that and nothing is changing ? X

@Plussizejumpsuit

Is he working today? are you? Get a bath and a nap yourself!

She's got 2 (3) kids. Of course she'll be working!

Another thread with women exchanging ‘hilarious’ stories of how horribly their husbands treat them and having a good old chuckle about it. Because facing the truth is more difficult, when that truth is that your husband routinely treats you with blatant disrespect and gives no value to your time and wellbeing. Expect more, please. And stop laughing about this shit-is it really that funny that a man chooses to be a crappy husband and father? We need to raise the bar.

@bananamuncher

I’m not a martyr, at all. Toddler is 16months but very much a mobile toddler.

I’m remarried, yes.

Honestly it is funny, because it’s not normally like this. He’s downtown now playing with the kids and has been homeschooling DS.

We’re under an awful lot of pressure. Business has dwindled to nothing and he’s been finding it hard to sleep, he’s stressed and sad I get it, playing the guitar is a way to relieve his stress, obviously he shouldn’t be doing that when he’s supposed to be doing something else but I’m not a complete bitch, he’s struggling too.

He really does get it about the ridiculous drama this morning, and has not only apologised but also is now dealing with the kids as a decent father should.

I posted this as a lighthearted rant, but in classic MN fashion there’s a crap load of judgement and self righteous pearl clutching about how he’s a thundering wankgoblet.

I’m not going to leave him, I’m going to communicate my issues and deal with the ways we can do better.

If you've been on MN for a while you would have known, posting as you did, without any background, what answers you'd get.

So this I posted this as a lighthearted rant, but in classic MN fashion there’s a crap load of judgement and self righteous pearl clutching about how he’s a thundering wankgoblet. is a bit unnecessary.

As there seem to be so many women out there who do put up with that kind of behaviour it's not surprising they get told why they shouldn't put up with it.

@Nanny0gg but if he's not working she can have the kids and she can have a rest.

Was your comment supposed to be pissy? We all know the parents of young children work so very hard.

Mothers you have created men like this.

All those domestic chores you did for your sons so they never learned how to use a washing machine or tidy up. All those meals you cooked when they came home tired from school, nights out, random drug taking. All those times you told them they were wonderful and sorted out their mess so they actually believed it. All those times you acted as their domestic slave so they could feel like a real man.

Mothers of sons you created men like this DH. There is no hope for him - with luck he earns and fortune and is fantastic in bed at least.

But you can break the cycle and stop turning boys into useless men. You can do it mothers, just stop idolising your Darling Sons and start seeing them through the eyes of the poor so and so who will end up married to them for decades once they flown your feather-bedded nest.

Mothers you have created men like this

Are you fucking kidding? What about fathers? Nope, it's all womens fault.

Oh the irony of your post.