To feel too fat to run in daylight 😔

[Trulyatraditionalman]

Hi all. I'm 31 and on the wrong side of 15st, and am currently doing Couch to 5k whilst trying to make healthier choices in general. I just can't shake the idea that everyone is staring at me when I'm out and about, so I only go on runs in the dark! I'm absolutely terrified of being heckled (I was bullied for my weight at school). The problem is that I also feel unsafe out running in the dark, so it's a catch-22!

For someone very overweight, I actually feel like I have relatively good fitness levels and don't get puffed out on my runs until the very end. I absolutely love running and wish I didn't feel so self conscious.

Am I being totally unreasonable to feel like this?

YABU - People don't give two figs what size you are when you're running, just crack on whatever time of day
YANBU - It's understandable/I've had experience feeling the same way.

Feel free to give me a stern talking to!

I'm a regular runner, slimish.

When I see an overweight person running, my immediate thought is good on them, to do it in the first place as it's do hard to start, especially overweight and for their confidence.

I think most runners feel and think exactly as I do so go ahead and don't hide.

If anyone makes a comment, they don't represent the running bodies and are just idiots which sadly are inevitable and should just be ignored.

What everyone else says. Except I do run at 8am-ish. Mostly for the same reason as you but also it's a quiet time so I have the paths and roads mainly to myself.

I totally understand how you feel. I’m slight and look healthy. Feel like such a failure when I should be good at running but can’t barely make it to the end of the road!
The thing that made a difference to me is realising people have no idea how far I’ve come! When I see a runner totally out of puff I think blimey they’ve probably been running for hours and hours, well done!
Good luck OP. I think you’re a hero for running at all. Keep going. I wish I was doing it.

I voted YANBU because my experience is that simply by having the audacity to be a female runner you run the risk of beeping, heckling, groping and worse. You definitely don't need to be overweight to experience this; the kind of arsehole that thinks he has a right to do this would use anything against you.

However please don't be put off! Everybody deserves to be able to experience the endorphins from proper exercise and running is so cheap and effective. My advice is choose your area very carefully, rather than force yourself to run at a time you don't feel safe. I've experimented a lot and my best running area locally is the streets of a very middle class, largely asian area. I've never had a bad experience there. My other best area is local woods which I was previously too scared to run in. Unexpected benefit of lockdown is they are now so busy with other people exercising that they feel safe. And I've never had a bad experience from a fellow runner. It's always been from men in vehicles or groups of young lads in parks.

99% of people will not even notice you, most people are too busy thinking about themselves. Of the ones that do notice you I think they’d probably think ‘good for her, I should be doing that’.

And what if some wanker shouts a comment from a passing vehicle? Who cares? These people exist and they say nasty things whatever your size and whatever you’re doing because of their deficits. It really is their problem.

*or good for him.

Not sure if you’re male or female OP!

Ugh @BrassicaRabbit, you speak the truth! When I was young and skinny, I'd get creeped on. Now I'm a chubby middle aged mumsy mum, I get ignored, so in a way, I prefer it .

Creepy bastards gonna creep I suppose! And they are probably the same ones shouting abuse at larger women, (not the massive men - funny that ), they pass. It is their problem, not yours / ours.

Literally nobody cares. Runners in general will acknowledge and others will either do the same or just ignore you. Just get on with it.

By the way @Trulyatraditionalman have you looked at Parkrun? Not happening at the moment but a really good free community spirited endeavour aimed at getting people out and running whether they are super fit or have to drag their carcass for the last mile and all abilities in between. It’s open to all young, old, tall, small, fat, thin, male, female, families, couples, singles, able bodied, disabled (my BiL has taken part in Parkrun in his wheelchair). The thing is it’s absolutely supportive of everyone and a great thing to do if you’re trying to get past the concerns you’ve got. I hope Parkrun will return soon.

www.parkrun.org.uk/

I have a treadmill for this reason or go at 6am. I'm in the countryside so not many paths so dangerous to run sometimes. I put tv on and do 5km every night with fan on and can wear what I want. Good tv series makes it easier. Did 25km last week watching the serpent

Just wanted to say thank you all SO much for the lovely comments - you've really reminded me that I can work out my (sizeable) booty in pure daylight and shouldn't give a shit what others think. I was nervous posting this but some of your inspirational comments have left a tear glistening in my eye (on AIBU?! Who'd have thought!).

Amazingly well done to all those who have dusted their trainers off and got back to it this year - some incredible fitness/weight loss successes! Whenever I see a larger runner I think exactly the same as those that have said they think "Good on you". As a pp said, I think I am projecting my insecurities on to other people and deep down I know most people aren't dicks. It's just that tiny minority I'm scared of and I hate myself for it!

My knees do play up if I don't rest properly so I find having a 2 day gap once a week works well for me. That and some very sexy compression stockings!

I will continue to go out at 6.45am when it's just starting to get light, and will pound the hell out of the pavement and wave at all the runners much fitter than me, hoping to be like them one day!

I did c25k as a busty 16-18 and frankly always felt quite sexy in my running gear, despite wheezing like an asthmatic walrus.

I’d argue you want MORE fitted than baggy as baggy kit just makes you look like you don’t believe in yourself and don’t deserve to be comfortable. Running at dawn is ace though. I have literally never felt anything other than chuffed with myself while running, and even though I was once overtaken by an old lady walking I still feel better about it than on the sofa.

The only thing I notice about other runners is if their leggings are nice especially if they're from a brand I've been coveting for a while.

Much better to run in daylight/warmer bits of the day in winter as less risk of ice.

Skin tight is much more comfortable. You can shove loose shorts/long top/skirt over if you want to but skin tight chafes less (I chafe very easily, have to wear at least knee length shorts in summer however hot it is or I shred my inside thighs). My winter leggings died on my last run, inside leg seam gave and flab poked out to get rubbed raw! Tight top layers are essential for me as it minimises uncomfortable bounce (boobs and tummy flab) although at the moment I usually have some looser (and therefore quick to remove) layers for once I've warmed up.

Go for it, I've spent a lot of time at the back of races and there's nothing but encouragement from the fast whippet like runners once they've finished in half my time!

Have to agree with @UrAWizHarry every time I run and see another runner it’s always a smile, hello or just a sweaty stare but we all doing the same thing for whatever reason, running communities are lovely, when park runs start they are lovely places to be, I’ve met some lovely people through mine

Back at the start of first lockdown a very overweight man who obviously lives locally took up jogging. He was noticeable because he was really seriously struggling. But every evening at the same time, there he was jogging down the street in his big headphones. The thoughts I had about him were admiration for him attempting and keep going with something that was clearly very tough for him. Week on week he kept running, all through the summer, autumn nearly every evening through the winter. He has gotten so, so good. He looks happy and at ease in his running now. And he has gotten into much better shape too. He's clearly had a whole lifestyle change and I admire him so much for achieving what he has. I think he's great.

So maybe that's not what you want to hear because it confirms that people do notice other people and think things about them. But honestly, the vast, vast majority of people that will notice you, will be admiring you for what you are doing. I guess the only thing is that people who think you are doing great are far less likely to call out, 'you're doing great,' or 'well done, you're an inspiration!' But it is what lots of people will be thinking.

@MindBodyChocolate I'm so sorry to hear that. What absolute cockwombles they must be. The fact you're out there achieving what many % of the population aren't means that you're automatically winning.

See, I should have said this to myself from the start!

I run and I really don't notice or GAF what size any runner is. If I'm running myself u give them a solidarity smile, unless they're being a dick.

I don't know what your area is like but I do run after dark and don't have worries about it. I prefer the daytime because I think it's nicer and I run off-road and in the park then, but if I need to run at night it doesn't worry me, I just stick to the roads so there are lights and people. So tl;dr run when you like and when suits you, getting out there is always better than not.

Your feelings are understandable. A very small minority of people may even judge you. These people are losers. Pay them no mind. I can assure you their lives are sad if they are bolstering their own egos by looking down on someone else.
Life is short. Start doing the things that you will than yourself for 3 months from now and five years from now. You are young and have a lot to gain.
When I see a heavy or unfit person outside exercising I admire their effort and feel inspired.

@blue5238 Thanks. It's tempting to skip ahead but the only thing holding me back isn't my stamina, it's my knees! Due to all the excess weight I carry on my tummy, I'm exerting a lot of pressure through my joints. If I suddenly skip to week 4 or 5 which involves quite a bit more running at once, I think I would probably sustain an injury. I'm quite enjoying doing the "easier" weeks and gloating a bit at my stamina. I'm fat but not unfit, which does actually feel rather good

I run in the dark too. Stopped after a man made a comment about my bum jiggling everywhere. I felt so self conscious so decided to start running where I could hardly be visible.

I know it's hard but I have a long term disability and was taught by my Mum as a teen to ignore anyone who says anything. If they are the sort of dickhead to shout something they are such low life scum it doesn't matter what they think. They're opinion is completely irrelevant and they are just showing themselves up. Fuck 'em and go get them tiger!

"My knees do play up if I don't rest properly "

Couple of things that might help you - are you using running shoes that suit your gait? If you haven't had a gait analysis it's definately worth doing so, just so you have a better idea of what type of running shoes to use.

Secondly, knee pain is very often an issue with weaknesses of the supporting muscles around the knee, particually the ITB. If you can do some gentle exercises perhaps after your run this may very well help:

www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/knee-exercises-for-runners/

@spongebonsquarefringe Sweaty Stare

You are right to make sure you get your rest days in between runs op! So important for avoiding injury.

@FrostedCranberries

I run in the dark too. Stopped after a man made a comment about my bum jiggling everywhere. I felt so self conscious so decided to start running where I could hardly be visible.

The correct response to that is to shout "fuck off you cunt" and continue running when you want. Don't let a few wankers put you off.