He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

[Melonslice444]

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

Look, you said you would dump if he started this up again. He has. He jumped in at the first opportunity. He's manipulative and it won't take long before he's trying to boss you around.

Dump! This is already irritating you, and it's a red flag - get rid.

The only time my dh asks me to put my hair up is when we're shagging because he doesn't like my hair on his face , but he would never suggest that I get a haircut or change anything about my looks.

But he asked me something so I was sarcastic and said I'll see you when my hairs short (sarcasm to let him know) he said he has never once said he doesn't like It. He said he loves long hair but thinks mine will look nice short too.

He's spectacularly missed the point here. He's interpreted it as you sulking about his opinion - he doesn't realise it's actually a "Shut up about my hair already". You need to be a lot more direct.

In my experience it's quicker to get another boyfriend than to regrow hair. He sounds absolutely creepy and I'd get rid of him asap. I wouldn't doze off either when he's there and there are scissors around. I think you have mentionitis about the hair because you hope he's not really as controlling as it sounds but each time it has been even worse. A man who is excited about his girlfriend getting her hair trimmed is not normal - at all. I think your hair is lovely and I've got a few theories about why he wants it cut shorter. He'll be telling you that you don't need to wear make up next because you're so much prettier without it. (There may be such a woman of course but I've never actually met one.)

Dont care what the other posters opinions are now he's a controlling b and its only gonna get worse. HE MAKES YOU FEEL SELF CONSCIOUS- your words. A supportive partner would not make you feel like that and stop immediately if his actions are making you feel uncomfortable!

Im sorry its a LTB moment now flame me idc

About getting someone to come round... freak show!

I must be reading a different thread.

The one I’m reading is bf likes bf but thinks her hair is a bit long as it’s a while since she’s had it cut. (I feel the same about DH’s hair).

OP seems rather obsessed with her hair, and quite insecure. Thus is reading into the comment far more than is actually there.

By the by, back when we were at uni a friend of mine grew her hair until it nearly reached her bum. She was (and still is) and exceptionally pretty woman, but hair that length made her look like a witch, not sure why. I didn’t say that obviously, but I suggested she got it cut.

One day she was walking past an outdoor cafe and someone shouted ‘your hair’s so long you look like a witch love’ at her. She got it cut after that.

I guess my point is some hairdos don’t suit people.

Life is too short for shit like this

It doesn’t particularly matter why he’s doing it - the fact is that he is, you’ve asked him not to and he hasn’t stopped

Get rid, he’s weird

hair that length made her look like a witch
If you had any credibility, you lost it here.

@TatianaBis

By the by, back when we were at uni a friend of mine grew her hair until it nearly reached her bum. She was (and still is) and exceptionally pretty woman, but hair that length made her look like a witch, not sure why. I didn’t say that obviously, but I suggested she got it cut.

One day she was walking past an outdoor cafe and someone shouted ‘your hair’s so long you look like a witch love’ at her. She got it cut after that.

I guess my point is some hairdos don’t suit people.

I guess my point is some hairdos don’t suit people

Frankly I'm ugly as sin whatever my hair, so I have my hair to suit myself. It has been down to my bum and blade 3 shaved in varying (and every length inbetween) proportions over the last 50 odd years. But I can say its been at my own pleasure. No one else has ever had a say.
Current DP said sweet fuck all when I went from shoulder length to pixie crop. And I said nothing when he grew the straggliest beard ever. Because adults get to choose these things with no ones input. And also live with the consequences if any.

Please can op come back with an update on this Not that I'm bored or over-invested .....

Maybe you do just have a really pretty face that he likes to look at 🤷🏻‍♀️
My daughter has really thick long hair which is usually like an unkempt mane round her little face so when it’s tied up and we can see her face Dh and I always remark on how beautiful she looks, because she does. It doesn’t mean she looks crap with her hair down and wild. Just even more stunning when her whole beautiful face is on show. Maybe your face is the same, beautiful surrounded by hair but even more beautiful (to him) when he can see more of it.

Op, tell him firmly once - bf, I like my hair down, and I don’t appreciate you making constant comments about it indicating you would prefer it up or short. I will not be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel insecure and like I am not beautiful in their eyes. Never mention it again, and if you do, it will be a sign to me that we are not compatible.

Something about this guy doesn't sit right with you, I think if you overlook it now, it will be the first in a long line of things that don't sit right...there's plenty more fish in the sea (and plenty of guys that would be so happy to have a nice woman like yourself they wouldn't dream of commenting on appearance).

I’m sorry @Melonslice444 but this is a MASSIVE red flag for controlling behaviour. I’ll bet it’s no time until he says things like ‘oh you’re so pretty WITH make up on’ and other things that Subtly undermine your confidence. Even being ‘in a mood’ if you haven’t done what he said (applied make up/put your hair up/worn his ‘favourite’ clothes.

Been though this myself, it’s absolutely brutal and oh so subtle but it’s coercive control. I think you might think I’m being hyperbolic but this is a huge red flag. Love to you xx

@TatianaBis

I must be reading a different thread.

The one I’m reading is bf likes bf but thinks her hair is a bit long as it’s a while since she’s had it cut. (I feel the same about DH’s hair).

OP seems rather obsessed with her hair, and quite insecure. Thus is reading into the comment far more than is actually there.

Totally agree

He sounds like a bit of a weirdo tbh. I couldn't be bothered with it, he has no emotional intelligence if he thinks this is appropriate and he does sound low-level controlling in a 'nice guy' way. It's a bit creepy somehow. I think it's at the stage where I would dump him, he's overstepping too much and too frequently for it to be acceptable imo.

It does sound as though he doesn't like your hair. You don't say how old you are but if you are older maybe he thinks older women shouldn't have long hair (ridiculous thought, of course!)

@momtoboys

It does sound as though he doesn't like your hair. You don't say how old you are but if you are older maybe he thinks older women shouldn't have long hair (ridiculous thought, of course!)

She did say how old she is.

OP is 32 and he’s 46. She’s not an older woman by a long stretch.

A few things crossed my mind reading this:

1 it's not really a compliment, he's couching asking you to change something about your appearance to something he likes in an APPARENT compliment - so he's not honest

2 this behaviour is controlling and it's very early on which makes it a real cause for concern

3 his reasons may well relate to wanting you to look like an an ex or a porn expectation. Hair pulling and ponytails are I've heard quite popular fetishes

4 his relationship history sounds potentially worrying, has he ever had a committed relationship ?

5 the many compliments and him TELLING you he respects you very much sounds like love bombing to me - a common tactic by controlling and abusive types. Genuinely respectful men don't need to TELL you they respect you, it's clear in the way they behave and treat you and his actions here give the lie to that comment

Personally if I were dating him and he did this he'd have been dumped the 2nd time he mentioned it and told why.

How you dress, wear your hair etc is absolutely none of his concern at this stage, he shouldn't be doing anything but appreciating you and getting to know you (not your hair) at this point.

Honestly I'd cut your losses.