He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

[Melonslice444]

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

It is a red flag. I had an ex who every time I wore jeans or trousers would comment how much or how sexy he found me in a dress. I told him dresses were ok for going out in evenings or in summer but actually I preferred jeans at weekend. He brought it up several times, that is why he is an ex.

@Bluntness100

He wants you to look less attractive to other men. So he wants you to cut it off or hide it.

You madam have a problem on your hands.

Absolutely this.

Nah, not homophobic just a (probably unlikely) possibility and said with tongue firmly in cheek.

I think you are reading more into it than there is.

I often think people look nicer with their hair up than down. Hair hanging around to me isn't an attractive look and often drown features on faces. The picture you have added seems to show your hair dropped l around the front of your shoulders with a small space where your face is seems to support the view.

I can remember as a child saying telling my own mum she looked nicer with her hair up.

Of course you need to have your hair how you want to but I personally wouldn't make this bigger than it needs to be with suspecting he is trying to control you or make you less attractive its perfectly possible he just doesn't like your hair down as much as he does up!

Hi. I mentioned it because I was just waffling away about plans after life returns. Taking my kids out. Getting all our hair trimmed. That sort of thing. It was never meant to be a changing style comment.

When I can next get it done I want 2 inches off and it thinning out. Because it hasn't been done for a year but that's all. I'm not having it short for him.

It makes me feel like he's calling me scruffy. I'm not sure where it's all come from. He met me with it like it is as I say. It's clean. It's usually tidy. I take care of it and have been trimming it in lockdown. I use plenty of conditioner but also a frizz serum.

I fully planned to ignore him tonight now. But he asked me something so I was sarcastic and said I'll see you when my hairs short (sarcasm to let him know) he said he has never once said he doesn't like It. He said he loves long hair but thinks mine will look nice short too.

It's way too soon for him to be having opinions on my hair.

His ex had mainly shoulder length or just below.

He claims he likes natural women. Said about his ex getting her hair and nails done. Fake lashes etc. So he makes out he prefers my style in general. But I don't know.

The next time he suggests your hair is back off your face tell him in a firm voice that he has suggested this several times before, you know that is his preference, but it is not yours.

I replied before reading your last post, glad you strongly hinted for him to shut up about it.

Dump him. It's nonsense.

He has no right to comment on your appearance and you should never adapt your appearance to please others. It's really immature for him to think he should even comment at all. Dump him.

It’s irritating but so is reading this thread and all this thinking and all this angsting and you haven’t once managed to say to him I love my hair, I love wearing it down, clearly you don’t but I do and it’s my hair. I’d prefer you to stop commenting on it and stop subtly hinting, you’re not that subtle.

Its time to tell him to drop it and that you plan to keep it long for the foreseeable and will always prefer to wear down.

You could easily text that now as avrespinse to what he's just said

he joked he would do it.

Yeah that’s weird

How is that weird??

Sounds like someone conscious about their looks wanting reassuarance.
Not sure what the mention his cock! type references are in aid of, be more confident in yourself going by your posts
Mentally shout fck yoooooo lol

How can you stand this OP, I've got the ick so bad right now just from reading this!

When you first posted I thought, ok he's being kind of rude but he probably doesn't mean anything by it, could be a foot in mouth thing, just speak to him and I'm sure he will stop. Now I'm thinking arghhhh get rid!

@timeisnotaline

It’s irritating but so is reading this thread and all this thinking and all this angsting and you haven’t once managed to say to him I love my hair, I love wearing it down, clearly you don’t but I do and it’s my hair. I’d prefer you to stop commenting on it and stop subtly hinting, you’re not that subtle.

I have to agree.

Either sit him down and have a polite civil chat about it, or bluntly tell him to fuck off... your passive aggressive snark isn't going to solve anything. Posters on here have given you loads of suggestions.

It's a real shame you didn't nip this in the bud the first time it came up. He may have responded positively, he may not have, but you could have moved on either way. Now you're at the point where you've got serious ick and it's probably too late.

I had the hair comments with my ex. He kept buying me unsuitable clothes, make-up and a hair piece and expecting me to dress up all the time - I was in and out of hospital and busy being a parent.

A few years later I met one of his female friends he used to work with. She was his inspiration and he was trying to make me a carbon copy of her. It's weird now we've split up because his new partner is a younger version of me.

Havent read entire thread, do you think hes modelling young an ex?

I look hideous with my hair up, so if anyone said it looked good wouldbe a piss take. Half up, half down professionally done could pass.

My male 'friend' loves me now more fuller figure so to speak but wouldn't encourage me to put on weight

Your hair looks lovely. I also think you need to be very upfront with him and tell him how you wear your hair is your choice because it’s your hair and you won’t be cutting it short to please him.

The fact he tells you about his ex’s style and beauty preferences and judges them seems to suggest he has an awful lot to say about how he thinks women should look. That would have my back up straight away. It’s a red flag, isn’t it?

I think your hair looks lovely OP although that should really be besides the point. Its your hair, even if it was purple, frizzy and greasy with a smiley face shaved into the back - if that's how you like it, that's how you should have it (so long as you wouldn't get sacked or something )

It would really irritate me if someone kept making these digs. I get the feeling it is bothering you v much and perhaps it will be difficult to forget. Might be a red flag?

It's probably a fetish. Many men get turned on by hair that is an updo. They can imagine letting it down and getting excited. Some men like feet. I knew one once who liked red painted toenails on me. Even offered to paint them for me once. Have always preferred to decorate my brain with new skills, not my body. I ditched him. End of.

This thread has brought to mind the two times in my love life that boyfriends have given me the feeling, when they’ve ostensibly been ‘complimenting’ my appearance or ‘being nice’.

First was a boyfriend who was setting off for 8 months backpacking when I met him. He wanted me to ‘wait’ for him, I said sod that, but I’ll meet you overseas near the end of your trip if we still feel something (and haven’t met anyone else). I was clear he should feel himself unattached during his travels. We met up and he proudly brought out some presents he’d collected for me- a dress, perfume and necklace. I was touched and impressed. I wore them for him, even though none were really my preferred style. He couldn’t keep his hands off me.
Out on a date that same week he admitted to me that a French girl he’d shacked up with in Paris had helped him choose them, and good on me for being so sophisticated and modern and ‘fine with that kind of thing’ !!??

So I’m wearing the ‘taste’ of a random backpacking bonk, down to wearing her perfume? That’s turning him on? Wow, seriously twisted. I did not react well. He was very ‘hurt and disappointed’ at my reaction.

The second time the red flags flapped far earlier for me. An older guy, all over good relationship but some foibles? Light fetishes? When it came to hair (on my head and elsewhere), plus some other similar stuff. He was upfront about his preferences and overtly encouraging about me taking steps to fit in with them. Nothing really outside my usual routine though, so I slowly moved towards his preferred way. Then he too bought me (expensive) perfume, nothing like my taste. Think cloying & musky, when I’m clearly a fresh & citrus perfume gal. I jokingly said, thanks I might wear it on your birthday, as a special treat for you. He reacted strangely, basically begging to let him douse me in it and have his way with me. It was so obviously to do with some hard-wired fantasy/fetish, such naked desperation to turn me into someone (something?) I wasn’t, that I broke up with him then and there.

My takeaways were: Having preferences is ok, but a good connection has to be about accepting the lover as the person they are. As soon as I get a sniff from a guy that it’s ‘not about me’, I’m outta there fast. It’s a huge turnoff for me. Maybe proportional to how much of a turn-on it is for him!

My anecdotes are extreme I suppose, but it’s the same ‘ick’ feeling OP is facing I think. It’s plain icky behaviour even in its blander incarnations, no?

Tell him to like it or lump it and if he mentions it one more time you will lump him.

He sounds annoying. And potentially controlling.

I have family who always badgered me about my hair - I wear it long and straight (but not remarkably long - like 4in past my shoulders) and every time they saw me they would ask why I straightened it, why couldn't I take off a few inches, etc etc. Or if I didn't have time to style it they were weirdly triumphant.

I don't really see them anymore because it was just actually just one symptom of being controlling and making me question/feel bad about myself. Your hair is a personal choice and that should be respected.

All this angst. Just TALK to him. Don't ignore him or be snappy and sarcastic. Stop second guessing his motives.

@MagnoliaBeige

Trust your gut instinct! If he mentions it again, call him out on the number of times he’s insinuated you should change your appearance and see how he reacts. But please listen to what your instincts are telling you!

This. It’s negging.

And his offering to cut your hair is weird.