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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

496 replies

Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:08

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/01/2021 13:10

He wants you to look less attractive to other men. So he wants you to cut it off or hide it.

You madam have a problem on your hands.

Santaiscovidfree · 13/01/2021 13:10

I would find something to refer to negatively about him op...
Like shame his dick isn't up to your standards...

HappyFlamingo · 13/01/2021 13:11

Be straight with him. He thinks he's complimenting you and doesn't know it's upsetting you. Just say "please stop saying that - I prefer it down". You may have to repeat it a couple of times but then he should get the message (if he doesn't you have other problems).

I understand OP - my MIL does the same. I always wear my hair down and on the very few occasions she's seen me with it up she always says how nice it looks. Argh!

JohnBarron · 13/01/2021 13:13

Just say ‘I like my hair down’. End the conversation. Every time.

Original poster
Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:13

I am starting to think he doesnt like it. I said to him today are you saying it's too long? He said no I like long hair I just think you look pretty with it up? Then I said it would normally be cut more and he joked he would do it.

I'm trying to work out if I'm being over sensitive and paranoid.

OP posts:
HeyMister · 13/01/2021 13:16

It sounds like he finds your hair off putting to him. Whatever you do, don't go changing. Your hair sounds beautiful. ❤

hammeringinmyhead · 13/01/2021 13:16

You're not. This is a giant red flag if he has mentioned it more than once. "I like that dress," is one thing. "I like it when you wear dresses like that and not your usual unflattering jeans," is quite another.

Original poster
Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:16

Yeah I think I will say next time I prefer it down.
He is always nice about me.he is a lovely bloke who tells me things about my personality and looks all the time that are nice. Its just annoying me because he might think he's being nice but all I hear is I'm not as attracted to you with it down.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/01/2021 13:18

Tell him to knob off!!! It's your hair and you can wear it however you damn well please. His comment are NOT compliments if they are making you doubt yourself.

There is something really off with his comments. Like he's 'negging' you. Or being passive aggressive. Proceed with caution...

olympicsrock · 13/01/2021 13:18

Honestly don’t sweat the small stuff

Chambored · 13/01/2021 13:19

I’d find that very off-putting and potentially quite worrying.
Tell him to stop going on about your hair, you like it as it is. Then if he brings it up again I’d cut him off.

MagnoliaBeige · 13/01/2021 13:20

Trust your gut instinct! If he mentions it again, call him out on the number of times he’s insinuated you should change your appearance and see how he reacts. But please listen to what your instincts are telling you!

JohnBarron · 13/01/2021 13:20

he joked he would do it.

Yeah that’s weird.

Oldraver · 13/01/2021 13:22

No I wouldn't wait for him to be negative again, I would just tell him it annoys you when he comments negatively

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 13/01/2021 13:23

I think I would say very firmly: do you realise how many times you've mentioned my hair? It is my hair, I wear it how I like, your opinion on it isn't important to me. Please stop discussing it.

And if he mentioned it one more time, I'd dump him because I can't be arsed with people who are tiresome and can't take a telling. I probably would have put up with it 20 years ago mind you, but now I am better at seeing red flags.

Original poster
Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:25

Yeah it makes me think does he want me to have it like his ex. She had just below the shoulders hair and has it up in alot of their photos. I hope it isn't something like that though.

I kind of want to show you some pictures and hide my face on here. But I don't want to be recognised

OP posts:
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 13/01/2021 13:25

Tell him why doesn't he shave more often. His cock looks much bigger when he shaves it all off.

See how he likes being made to feel unsecure about himself.

CruCru · 13/01/2021 13:26

I have a friend whose husband thinks she looks nicest with her hair up. However he doesn't make a big thing out of it.

Only you can know whether this is merely his slight preference or whether it is an actual problem. It doesn't sound as though your hair is extremely or unusually long.

HunkyPunk · 13/01/2021 13:27

If he mentions it again, just shrug and say firmly -
"Well, this is me. Occasionally I'll wear it up, when I feel like it, but most of the time I don't. I actually prefer my hair down."
If he's not happy to leave it at that, I would reconsider your position.

jaffacakesareevil · 13/01/2021 13:28

Hmm..it's sound like he's checking if you will change your hair to what he likes. I would think carefully, he might then have expectations that you will change other things about yourself, if he says he doesn't like them.

MissBPotter · 13/01/2021 13:28

He could be trying to control you, don’t like the sound of it.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 13/01/2021 13:29

Another old woman saying "oh dear".

Thin end of a wedge, that.

Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dogscanteatonions · 13/01/2021 13:31

Tell him straight to please not mention it again as you like your hair as it is.

When dp and I got together he used to often comment on portion sizes (not just when I cooked - out at restaurants etc) as he is a very small eater "I can't possibly eat all that/that's a mountain of food" etc when they are perfectly normal portions. The second time he said this when I cooked I told him straight to please keep his thoughts to himself and simply eat as little as he wants and I would never be offended if he didn't eat much.

He never mentioned it again and he is actually has a far better relationship with food

AnotherBoredOne · 13/01/2021 13:32

Is it the start of someone controlling you?

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