AIBU to give my niece money for uni

[Almostslimjim]

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

It's a really nice thing that you're thinking of doing. I would consider giving niece some funding, even if it meant you couldn't fund other potential nieces and nephews later on. PP suggested giving £1k to each niece and nephew, for example. I wouldn't do this. £1k is a lovely gift but it's not a life changing amount of money at all. Helping to fund your niece through university has a much bigger impact.

OP I like your new plan.

You say she's smart, but she doesn't seem to understand that a degree is an investment in her future. Just explain it to her. Send her information on what people earn based on whether they have a degree or not. Explain to her her options for career changes with a degree as opposed to without one. Also offer up distance learning degrees, bricks and mortar are not the only options.

I think looking at her options will determine whether she wants to go to university or not.

She doesn't need a degree, she can do other courses and on the job training without a doubt, but she should look at her options.

One last thing, she might be doing this because she thinks her parents cannot afford it. That should not be her concern. But lots of children (older children) take on areas of responsibility that aren't really their remit. I would walk her through her thought process. You might find she might genuinely not want to go.

My grandmother sent regular sums for my older sister when she was at uni (as well as my cousin, who was the older of the children in that group of siblings) but not for me. It didn’t bother me. I understand she was helping and probably didn’t have the means to help us all. I’m glad my sister was helped, no hard feelings at all. It’s peoples money to do with what they wish and I think better to do some good rather than avoid that good because you can’t do it for everyone.

I think your latest plan is good. She should accrue the debt for tuition and loan and then if you top that up to a living amount that's reasonable. I have the money to fund my children in their entirety through university but I won't. They need to invest in their own future. I will of course be topping them up and helping them out but over and above the loans they are entitled to. I wouldn't consider any different.

LindaEllen Yet a mortgage, also a loan, is much cheaper, is paid off in the end, and you know from the get go the total repayments and interest charged. I would argue a mortgage is the best loan you'll ever get.

I think it's extremely kind and generous of you, at a time when we live in a world where most people are only concerned about their own children only, I think it's lovely that you are thinking to do this for you sisters child. I would say do it, it's something you really want to do, she will be so grateful to you for it, It's not your responsibility to have to do it for all of the children if you do it for one. They are so much more younger, you will have other financial commitments later on, and am sure your sister will not expect you to do it for all her kids just because you have done so for one.
May your kind soul be blessed always

If you lose your job or your income drops you still have to pay your mortgage. If you don't, you lose your house. A mortgage is not written off after a certain amount of time.

Interest rates for student loads are utterly irrelevant if - like the majority of loans now - the loan is written off.

The problem with student loans is that they don't behave like loans but they create a percieved debt which does put students off from higher education. They should be scrapped and replaced with a graduate tax.

I find most of the responses very odd. Fairness and Equality are not the same thing. You seem to want to treat each according to a) their personal need and b) your current ability to help. That's right, surely?
You seem close to your Neice. She has aptitude and a desire to go to university. You are able to help and her parents aren't.

Ok so you may not be able to help future neices/nephews but those (some unborn) children may not want to go to uni /may not be clever/ their parents may win the lottery before they're 18/ uni funding may have changed by then.

You're in a position to make a huge difference to someone you love at very little detriment financially to you or your children. This could change the whole course of her future for the better. Don't be put off by the thought of 'fairness' in a future that may never happen. What if you don't help her and none of your siblings have these imagined children? Or they're not bright enough for university?

And for those saying that if she wanted to go enough she'd take on the debt herself.. I disagree with that too. I have a 19 year old and the thought of that much money is daunting even if you understand the terms of the loan.

Give her the money! You want to do it, so do it and make a real positive difference.

Look after your own DC only op

She sounds like a very bright young lady and it would be a shame if she didn't make the most of her ability. Traditional A levels followed by full time uni isn't the only route though, there are higher apprenticeships she could look at where she would be sponsored through university.

Viviennemary
No I wouldn't. Her own parents need to step up.

And how exactly do you propose they do that then? Rob a bank?

@Almostslimjim this is MN. You shouldn't have kids unless they're guaranteed a room each and you can put th through school, uni and a house deposit. No kids for the poor.

@seasonfinale Everyone pays full fees. It is merely you get varying amounts of maintenance loan depending on what your parents earn. Thanks, sorry. It's both been a while and will be a while

Urare I don't think student loans should be written off; the burden is then put on the taxpayer.

I wouldn't give her £30k towards uni and not the other tbh. It's up to her if she doesn't want to go. I have £60k on uni debt and honestly don't even notice it. It comes out before my wage is given to me and so I've never missed the money.

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.

That's not true, lots of students parents pay in full. My partners did.

@Clappingforjoy

Look after your own DC only op

What a sad way to view family. Op is clearly well off and whilst it might change, it's more likely it isn't significantly. She's a doctor, hardly on the furlough list and her partner is well paid IT I think she said. Am their children have savings or aside already for uni and a house deposit.

Why do they need more of their parents money? Why can't it be used where it will be better spent?

I like your latest plan, to help her with living costs and set aside the rest in investments, for other potential niblings. Whilst the thought of long-term debt may put her off, it's the day-to-day living expenses (especially if you have no parental help), that most students struggle with.

Assuming it's not taboo, I would be honest about DH's salary and how his degree boosted his earning potential. Knowing what is possible (and that her relatives did so!) is a big mindset shift from "I will acquire this debt" to "I will acquire these opportunities".

@thegcatsmother

Urare I don't think student loans should be written off; the burden is then put on the taxpayer.

The fact is they are though.

@Clappingforjoy

Look after your own DC only op

I personally have a more outward view.

My children are well looked after and provided for. This money is not theirs and not spending it on my niece will not change that.

If she really wanted to study XYZ then hell . highwater and student debt are no deterrent. She may need a few more years to decide what she really wants to do with her life. IOW She may be using "debt" as a convenient excuse for something she doesn't really want to do just yet. Stand back and give her some space.

 Anybody <strong>determined</strong> to go to university will  not be put off by the debt incurred ( because  they have researched and grasped the very favourable   student loan pay-back system).  

To summarise which; either; once graduated they earn enough to repay it on very favourable terms. OR, the graduates earnings are below the payment threshold , so they never repay a penny and after a certain period the debt is automatically cancelled

@CoddledAsAMommet

I find most of the responses very odd. Fairness and Equality are not the same thing. You seem to want to treat each according to a) their personal need and b) your current ability to help. That's right, surely? You seem close to your Neice. She has aptitude and a desire to go to university. You are able to help and her parents aren't.

Ok so you may not be able to help future neices/nephews but those (some unborn) children may not want to go to uni /may not be clever/ their parents may win the lottery before they're 18/ uni funding may have changed by then.

You're in a position to make a huge difference to someone you love at very little detriment financially to you or your children. This could change the whole course of her future for the better. Don't be put off by the thought of 'fairness' in a future that may never happen. What if you don't help her and none of your siblings have these imagined children? Or they're not bright enough for university?

And for those saying that if she wanted to go enough she'd take on the debt herself.. I disagree with that too. I have a 19 year old and the thought of that much money is daunting even if you understand the terms of the loan.

Give her the money! You want to do it, so do it and make a real positive difference.

Yes! This is exactly my thought process.

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.

You are a seriously misinformed lecturer.

If her parents aren't particularly supportive of her going to university, that's a huge barrier she'd have to overcome. Regardless of the financial aspect. So you throwing money at the problem (as you see it) isn't going to help.

Plus if she is year 13 now, then really she hasn't left enough time to look at courses, unis etc. She should know the exact courses by now (you mentioned science or programming - she'd need to be far more focussed than that).

Perhaps a degree apprenticeship is a way forward, within her comfort zone and gets her to the same end point?

I went to uni with plenty of people whose parents paid outright, I doubt it varies by uni! Within the last decade.

I think it's a shame that the debt is putting her off - I have £60k student loan debt but it hasn't affected my life at all. I pay it back monthly in accordance with my salary (and when I earned lower than the threshold, I didn't pay anything), it is gone from my salary before I get it like tax. Hasn't affected renting houses, getting a mortgage, or anything else.

Friends of mine are in the exact same situation. It does seem shocking to some at first, but it's the reality of going to university these days.

Background: I chose not to go to university and to do a management training apprenticeship type things, however had I gone, despite there being no tuition fees at that time and my parents being reasonably well off on paper they would have struggled to pay me the maintenance money. My DH went and his parents were able to pay.

We have 2 DC and they have both been able to go to university knowing that we had the money available to fund them. DH Siblings have also been planning for this and have the funds available when their DC reach university age.

However my brother and SIL are only educated to GCSE level and whilst they have been able to buy (mortgage) a home for their family, there is very little money left over at the end of the month and they will not have savings for funding university nor is it likely that they would be able to stretch their budget to include living costs for a uni student, although looking at the current calculator it is likely that this would be expected of them.

If any of the 2 DC do want to go to uni, we would encourage this and if our finances are the same as they are now (or better) would look to offer some regular support to facilitate this. I do have another sibling however they only have 1 and are unlikely to have more, what happens when this child is 18 may be completely different as it is in 15 years.