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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give my niece money for uni

255 replies

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 08:24

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

OP posts:
ginandvomit · 12/01/2021 08:41

It's a lovely idea but I would question how committed she is based on her reluctance to have a debt after. Is this an excuse not to go?

ZoeTurtle · 12/01/2021 08:41

I don't think it's right to treat one neice so differently.

Does she fully understand how student loans work? Either she doesn't, or she isn't bothered about a career path that requires a degree. I'd put my efforts into making sure she really understands the decision she's making, and that she has a career plan. Even if that's to try out different jobs until she finds what she likes to do.

Cactuslockdown · 12/01/2021 08:41

I voted YABU as it may cause resentment. We had something similar in our family over a much smaller sum and it caused upset. It’s a lovely idea though.
I’d also say that if DN doesn’t want to pay the fees then perhaps she doesn’t want to go as much as you/she thinks! I think accepting the thought of paying the fee focusses the mind on making the most of the experience/working hard!

GirlCalledJames · 12/01/2021 08:43

I think your niece will do better at university if she comes to realise its value herself. A couple of years of work might change her mind.
She could also consider going abroad to a country with lower fees, or trying for a scholarship in the states.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/01/2021 08:43

Are her parents prepared to pay their contribution based on the assessment for the student loan?

Does your niece have a course or career she wants to study for?

If so, and she has the usual mix of some student loan and some parental contribution just like hundreds of thousands of other graduates.

Has she looked closely at the T&C for paying the student loan back? It’s 10% of your taxable income once you are over a certain threshold. So the thread hold us the threshold plus tax free amount. I’m not explaining this well, hopefully someone will do better Grin

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/01/2021 08:44

Does she actually want to go? Because most students who want to study are happy to accept the loan system.

Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 08:45

I am also in the no camp. But for different reasons.

If she was serious about it she’d know that the debt was actually a tax on her future earnings, and she’d also know that her earnings would likely be higher if she was studying the right degree and it enabled her into a lucrative career path

As such, I don’t believe she wants to go and the debt is just an excuse not to.

UndertheCedartree · 12/01/2021 08:47

You only pay back the loans when earning a certain amount and it isn't a lot so she is being unreasonable in my eyes to not go to Uni based on that. If I were you I'd suggest she researches how it works.

When you say such a small amount it would be worthless I'm not sure how much you are referring to but even a few hundred pounds would help a student out. If I was you I wouldn't pay such a huge amount for her as it could well cause resentment. It's lovely you want to help though. Perhaps offer a smaller amount to help with her living costs, offer to buy books/stationery and help set her up with the things she will need in her accomodation.

DerelictWreck · 12/01/2021 08:48

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
Your understanding is wrong.

OP if she is academically incline and therefore presumably has a reasonable level of intelligence and critical thought, I would either encourage her to or work with her to research student loans and understand why they aren't debt. It doesn't impact your credit rating, your ability to borrow etc (though is noted for mortgage calculators)

She wouldn't be paying anything back till earning over £26000 and then it's essentially a 10% graduate tax. If it boosts her earning potential and prospects then it may well be worth it.

It really depends on what she wants to do and if there are other qualification pathways. Does she have a career in mind?

Sunflowergirl1 · 12/01/2021 08:49

I would say no as it will be seen as favouritism. As an example my father has had a deep set resentment to a family friend a d his wife who were friends with my mum from childhood. They asked them to be god parents to my auntie. Basically they took duties seriously that included taking her out, taking her on holiday etc, nice birthday gifts etc. Nothing for my dad. Fault clearly lay in grandparents for allowing it but from an early age my dad resented them and has done all his life. As a result he refused to go to the funeral when he died early last year.

The motto is treat them all equally

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 08:49

Are her parents prepared to pay their contribution based on the assessment for the student loan?

They can't afford to.

Sorry, I'm not wilfully ignoring comments, the thread is just moving quickly!

Yes she understands the loan system, I think when you think of it as £30k debt at the end it has put her off a bit. She's been brought up to never accrue debt - I suspect my sister doesn't understand the loan system particularly.

OP posts:
Gogadgetgo123 · 12/01/2021 08:49

Hi OP I think it's a really thoughtful gesture but opening up a can of worms for the future that may cause rifts with your siblings. Are you prepared for that? Additionally while you say you have money for your dc they may potentially feel that that money could be used to help them further...even setting up a pension fund for them (never too early to start!)

Also please please do as pp said and look at the Martin Lewis article on student debt. He advises looking at it as an additional tax. You only pay back when you earn over a certain amount and even then you barely notice it...I am paying back so little of mine and in my mind it isn't even a debt, it's not on credit reports and it doesn't impact on anything in my life at all apart from that additional deduction on my payslip.

I wonder how keen your DN is to go. And also have you discussed this with her or her parents? Is it possible that she is standing firm on not going to influence your decision? Sorry I may be way off the mark there but it is a thought I have had.

My dd has always said she doesn't care about the debt, plenty of people have it and as far as she is concerned it's worth it to go. Even now in her third year and deep in restrictions she absolutely loves it.

University isn't for everyone. She is an adult, or nearly, and she has to make that decision herself. If you can't treat all of your dn's the same I don't think it is fair on them.

DustyMaiden · 12/01/2021 08:50

If she won’t invest in herself then you shouldn’t invest in her.

Pechanga · 12/01/2021 08:52

It doesn't sound like she's that motivated to go to Uni - I wouldn't push her because you think it's best.

Uni isn't for everyone, maybe she's just not ready yet but will be some day.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 08:52

Also please please do as pp said and look at the Martin Lewis article on student debt. He advises looking at it as an additional tax. You only pay back when you earn over a certain amount and even then you barely notice it.

I am very aware of how student debt works! I'm a doctor and have a tonne of student loans myself!

OP posts:
sleepyhead · 12/01/2021 08:53

I also agree that her reluctance to take on the debt shows that she's decided that the course is not "worth it" to her. She's not willing for a proportion of her wages after graduation to go towards paying for the education she's received.

Why it should suddenly become "worth it" when someone else's hard earned money pays them instead?

I think you need to listen to what she's saying. It would be a different matter if finances were stopping her going because she needed more money to live on, or because it was a postgrad course and funding wasn't available. She CAN go - she doesn't want to.

What's her alternative plan? There are other routes in life.

TeachesOfPeaches · 12/01/2021 08:55

She needs to think of a loan as a graduate tax. It's not real debt like a banking loan. However, I think things may be shifting as many employers like google are now scrapping the need to have a degree. What does she want to do career wise?

Meredithgrey1 · 12/01/2021 08:55

There’s not much point paying half the fees. My parents were going to do that for my sister (she was the first year to have higher fees) but my dad made a spreadsheet, put in various wage assumptions for my sister and it worked out that unless she earned loads, she’d end up paying the same back even on a smaller loan, until it was wiped.

Etinox · 12/01/2021 08:56

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
You can definitely pay fees up front.
Merryoldgoat · 12/01/2021 08:57

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
Of course you can pay your fees in cash - this is sheer nonsense.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/01/2021 08:57

I absolutely don't see the point in paying it rather than getting the student finance. It's not an irdinary debt, no one will be harassing her if she can't repay. She is being unreasonable. Only so few students ever repay anyway

44PumpLane · 12/01/2021 08:58

I also vote no.

If she actually understand how student debt works and has decided she doesn't want to go to uni on the basis of that debt then that's her choice to make.

Uni is not the be all and end all (I went to uni so have nothing against it) and unless she particularly wants to do something vocational then it's fairly unnecessary these days.

If you have money spare that you wpiod like to help her with, maybe pay for a couple of career guidance sessions. Help her look into professional apprenticeships (for example if she wants to work in finance she wpiod be far better getting an apprenticeship that would pay her through her qualifications whilst giving her practical experience).

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:04

Additionally while you say you have money for your dc they may potentially feel that that money could be used to help them further...even setting up a pension fund for them (never too early to start!)

If my children ever display that sort of attitude I would be incredibly disappointed with them. To the point I'd withhold any further money from them!

OP posts:
beautifulmonument · 12/01/2021 09:09

I would say yes, help her, because the other nieces and nephews are tiny. So much can change between now and then it's crazy to try to foresee what financial help they may or may not need or what position you may be in to help or not.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/01/2021 09:09

She could look into apprenticeship? They do uni level ones for some subjects. VERY competitive to get in though