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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give my niece money for uni

255 replies

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 08:24

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

OP posts:
Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 10:50

Because DN is an outlier in terms of age, I think it's likely she's already been treated v differently financially anyway.

Definitely. And not always positively - DSis was very young when she had her, in a bad place and with an abusive partner at the time, DN went without basics at times. Dsis's situation is very different now and Dnephew has had a very different life in his 3 years.

It really saddens me that so many people are so fixed on "fairness" and treating everyone equally in terms of finances, it isn't how I was brought up. I have no idea how much money my parents, grandparents or other relatives have given to my siblings and cousins and nor do I care, what I do know is that when I have been in need I have been supported where possible. I suspect I have been in need less than my siblings but I don't know that and nor do I begrudge any help they have received - I would much prefer they received help when needed that not because parents couldn't give to us all equally. I guess my siblings could feel differently, it isn't anything we've ever talked about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 10:52

IEat I have, I am aware. I have student loans of my own (though on different repayment schedules). I suspect it is my sister who is fuelling the "don't get in debt" thing, my sister didn't go to uni and I doubt has really looked in to student finance, just sees it as a very big debt.

OP posts:
Thedarknightsaredrawingin · 12/01/2021 11:04

Honestly, I would help her.

Woodspritely · 12/01/2021 11:07

Thank you, I haven’t heard that before!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2021 11:07

Well you don't have to put money aside for the baby niblings, you just seemed concerned about fairness too.

But I think of she wants to go to sink she has to be prepared to take some responsibility for it. Yes Prue can bank the loan for a house deposit but she'll still have to pay it back. You giving her 30k because she doesn't want debt just seems a bit off. And if she's a smart 17 year old she's smart enough to understand that she won't last it until she's earning is it 20?k . Can you show her how much you pay for your wages, or use an old figure if you're not comfortable disclosing your actual wage.

Why will she be paying full fees if her parents are on low income?

I'd offer her X a month to help, or X towards accommodation etc.

SupportingDoctors · 12/01/2021 11:11

Apologies, I haven’t rtft, but want to say “go for it”. What a wonderful idea. Of course you can pay the fees upfront (we paid both DD’s fees in full as we ourselves had benefited from free education and were in a position to do so). You have a chance to do good in the world, and bask in the outcome of an educated young person who can contribute to society. You never know what might come along for the younger niblings. Don’t let the perfect - paying for them all - be the enemy of the good; funding the one before you now. If everyone who could afford it paid for their DC uni fees then there would be more money in the pot for those who can’t. Well done to you for thinking of this.

thegcatsmother · 12/01/2021 11:21

The interest rate is 5.6% Random whilst at university, and obviously compounds. It then alters depending on income after graduation, still merrily compounding away.

The thing is about dying, you don't know when it might happen, so you can't say you won't get caught for IHT, and realistically, everyone dies eventually. Ds is an only and will get everything anyway, so we used our money to help at the start of his adult life.

Lockdownbear · 12/01/2021 11:25

Op I do get it that you want to help her esp if you have the ability to do so. And while you think the DNephew will be in a totally different position you actually never know what else could happen.

He could be in a much better financial situation, fees may drop (unlikely) he may never want to go to uni. Or things could go wrong elsewhere, business fail, death of a parents putting him in a much worse position.

I think I'd offer some support towards living expenses, especially if she ends up away from home. But don't give anything you couldn't afford to give to her brother.

LiverColouredBitchPointer · 12/01/2021 11:27

5.6% is outrageous considering the current base rate of interest.
The country should be encouraging further study- a better educated populace benefits all.

Unsinkablemoll · 12/01/2021 11:28

She should take out the student loan - the amount seems frightening when added up but it's paid off at a pittance a year. You need to help her see the difference between this sort of debt and credit or gambling debt. If she needs money for housing or living costs, you could then step in there.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2021 11:30

No I wouldn't. Her own parents need to step up.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 11:33

@Viviennemary

No I wouldn't. Her own parents need to step up.
And how exactly do you propose they do that then? Rob a bank?
OP posts:
peak2021 · 12/01/2021 11:33

Not unreasonable if discussed with her mum first and her parents are contributing as well. I'd also suggest if possible it is paid directly for something, such as fees, so there can be no suggestion (real or malicious) that it is being 'squandered' on luxuries.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 11:35

and her parents are contributing as well

I'm not really sure why this is relevant. They can't afford to, if they could, they would.

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 12/01/2021 11:39

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
You are incorrect. Of course you can self fund.
marialuisa · 12/01/2021 11:41

Given her areas of interest has she considered degree apprenticeships e.g. the PwC one at Leeds or Birmingham?

Calmandmeasured1 · 12/01/2021 11:42

How lovely that you are able to help her out! How about having a plan that she pays you back once she's working, and that money could then go towards the siblings/next child in line for uni?
The niece is worried about accumulating debt. The money will still be a debt whether it is owed to the Govt or the aunt (if niece accepts it as a loan).

SeasonFinale · 12/01/2021 11:42

@SleepingStandingUp

Well you don't have to put money aside for the baby niblings, you just seemed concerned about fairness too.

But I think of she wants to go to sink she has to be prepared to take some responsibility for it. Yes Prue can bank the loan for a house deposit but she'll still have to pay it back. You giving her 30k because she doesn't want debt just seems a bit off. And if she's a smart 17 year old she's smart enough to understand that she won't last it until she's earning is it 20?k . Can you show her how much you pay for your wages, or use an old figure if you're not comfortable disclosing your actual wage.

Why will she be paying full fees if her parents are on low income?

I'd offer her X a month to help, or X towards accommodation etc.

Everyone pays full fees.

It is merely you get varying amounts of maintenance loan depending on what your parents earn.

Calmandmeasured1 · 12/01/2021 11:46

I would not do for one niece what I might not be able to do for their other siblings. Besides which, apart from it not being your responsibility, the niece is embarking on their young adulthood and handing them things on a plate doesn't do much for their personal development. Let them learn life's lessons from experience.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 11:50

handing them things on a plate doesn't do much for their personal development.

I think thee is a difference between handing her it on a plate and making a financial contribution inline with what her peers would receive and won't be available otherwise.

OP posts:
MissMarpleDarling · 12/01/2021 11:51

YANBU that's very kind.

Newgirls · 12/01/2021 11:51

How about just a donation of 2-5k a year? Will help her take on a smaller loan. Might free up money later on for other Niblimgs.

Notnownotneverever · 12/01/2021 11:55

It doesn’t really matter what anyone’s opinion is on here. It’s up to you, your sister and your niece.
It seems sad that you are considering not helping a young person in your family based on the opinions of random strangers. I would just discuss it with the appropriate family members.

Notnownotneverever · 12/01/2021 11:57

And also it might be more helpful to pay for the accommodation and you might find it’s not the fees/loan that is putting your niece off. The living costs of uni can be very off putting.

LindaEllen · 12/01/2021 12:06

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
You don't have to take the loan, you can pay if you want to. However I've always believed it to be a silly thing to do. At £9,000 per year and the best loan you'll ever get, if you have that kind of money to spare it'd be much better saving until you need a deposit on a property!