AIBU to give my niece money for uni

[Almostslimjim]

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

I wouldn't if I were you, especially if you won't be able to do it for the others. It's not that she can't get a loan - she just doesn't want to.

I'm sure her siblings won't want to, either, when it comes to university, but they will have to.

I completely sympathise with her - I campaigned hard when I was a student to stop them raising fees for this exact reason. But thousands and thousands of other students, including potentially her siblings, will be in the same boat, and I don't think it would be fair or make sense to do it for just her.

My grandparents gave me a few thousand pounds when I started university - they'd been planning to for a few years. My sister was excited and grateful to presumably get the same when she started her vocational course a few years later and was told by my grandparents that she wasn't going to uni, and that as I was the academic one they'd planned for me but not her. But it was okay because her course was less expensive than mine. She was very, very very hurt for a long time - she felt that I was being favoured for being bright. I would want to avoid the same with the other niblings if I were you.

I wouldn't pay it. You said you would give it out year by year depending on how well she does. Talk about pressure for her to then meet expectations that she hasn't asked for.

Wouldn't it be better off to hold on and give her money towards a house deposit post uni. One of the biggest things to have to save up for is that deposit and she will have an asset that will hopefully over time and when or if she sold return more than she put in.

I'm glad you're planning to help her. Thinking about it more: you want to help, you can help, and she would like the help - it seems really sad not to do so because you can't predict what help other niblings will need in 15+ years time.

It seems your family has a "to each as they need, from each as they can give" rather than "to each the same amount" approach to fairness. This is a totally reasonable philosophy. Don't be discouraged from doing this just because other mumsnetters stick to the latter approach.

@Almostslimjim - we’re in a similar situation, as we contribute to school fees for one nibling (I love that word) but wouldn’t be able to do it for all.

The nibling we are helping support has had a rough start in life (sounds like your niece did too) and for complicated family reasons lives in an area with poor schools and they really can’t move away. My nibling is very bright, lots of potential, but is not yet very tough or resilient - the local school has a major bullying problem and we felt it likely they’d be a target. Overall, the wider family decided to help out this one nibling. No other niblings are likely to get that same degree of help.

But I think it’s sensible in the circumstances. One nibling did once suggest it was unfair but after discussion was able to see we’re trying to make sure they all have good starts in life. When we can help one get what they need, we’re not going to refuse to help them just because we can’t give everybody what they want,

Maybe she doesn't want to go and is using the avoidance of debt as an excuse. To be honest, it is better someone is completedly committted to going to uni and wants it at all costs. She will have the pressure of feeling she has to do the course if she starts but doesn't like it - she might feel obliged to you to continue.