Page 10 | AIBU to give my niece money for uni

NewtoSecondaryWorld · 12/01/2021 14:41

Sorry for typos, was writing fast!

VinylDetective · 12/01/2021 14:41

I wouldn't, your future nieces/nephews will resent you giving her this help and not them

How will they know? Not everyone blabs to the world about their finances.

Original poster

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 14:45

NewtoSecondaryWorld that lovely to hear. Thanks

OP posts:

Brunt0n · 12/01/2021 14:46

I wouldn’t. If she’s bright enough to be really successful at uni then she should be able to work out that a student loan isn’t the end of the world. If she really wanted to go, she wouldn’t be using that as an excuse. If she does go, i’m sure gifting her some money, maybe for a laptop or towards accommodation fees, or even just sending her food parcels, would be gratefully received.

Tier10 · 12/01/2021 15:00

My friend’s DF gives his nieces a monthly allowance while they are at uni and that works well. The nieces parent can’t help towards housing etc fees.
I wouldn’t pay the tuition fees upfront.

Pigtailsandall · 12/01/2021 15:10

I think it's lovely you want to help her.
Maybe the others won't even want to go to university- that's always a possibility. I'd do it but keep it between you, your niece and her parents only.

Roussette · 12/01/2021 15:21

Does your sister know that you are having lots of conversations about Uni with her DD/your niece?

The reasons I ask is because...
My DD at 18 was dating a boy from school. My DD was applying to Unis, choosing courses etc, and this boy really wanted to go to Uni too. However, his parents were dead set against it... 'it's not for the likes of us, it's a waste of money blah blah'

He came to me to ask for help in filling out his applications, his loans and all of that. I refused in a very nice way and suggested different teachers he could perhaps approach for help. I just felt it wasn't right for me to go behind his parents' backs and get him into Uni.

I just wonder if your DSis is as much sold on Uni for her daughter as you are, forgetting the cost reasons.

Original poster

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 15:26

I just wonder if your DSis is as much sold on Uni for her daughter as you are, forgetting the cost reasons.

She know DD is thinking about it and wants to go. She knows that DD is discussing it with DH and I. She can see the benefit of uni in certain circumstances but does feel it is a lot of money for no guaranteed reward at the end. It is hard to unpick what is financial concern with what is other concern really. Neither my sister or her husband, or most of the family really have much experience with uni.

OP posts:

Original poster

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 15:30

I'm also not convinced it is any other than my nieces decision as to whether she goes. Are you saying Roussette that if a young adults parents don't want them to go then they shouldn't?

OP posts:

Dalooah · 12/01/2021 15:43

Honestly I'd live in the here and now. If you feel like your niece would benefit from the money and a university education please please give it to her.

If it was my sibling doing it for my child, I'd happily accept without expecting more for any other children. You know your family, if you think it would work, go for it.

alienspiderbee · 12/01/2021 15:46

I don't know if the world of work is moving away from degrees, I am not in a field where that would be possible

I actually found that developer/programming type roles are less fussy about this than other areas (I work as a developer now but my background and degree is not in computing). I think possibly because a lot of it can be skills that can be measured at interview.

I've worked with 18/19 year olds doing data science apprenticeships and from where I'm sitting they look like a really good practical route in. It would be a shame if some employers are still insisting on a degree tick box. But that sort of route doesn't close off a degree option later.

Tier10 · 12/01/2021 15:52

I think you need to talk to your sister and explain the benefits of university and how you can help your niece.

Original poster

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 15:54

@Tier10

I think you need to talk to your sister and explain the benefits of university and how you can help your niece.

I think that is what I will do.

I will also explain I may not be able to help her other children in that way (as she is currently the only sibling with children).

OP posts:

Mimba1 · 12/01/2021 16:00

Does your niece understand the student loan system? It's pretty generous. Yes you build up a lot of "debt" but it's not real debt. If you don't earn enough you don't pay it back - in the UK at least your student loan won't ever make you lose your house, prevent you from buying one or bankrupt you. It's really more like a graduate tax (that you eventually stop paying if you earn enough to repay the full amount). It gets written off if you don't earn enough.

The loan is means tested so if parent's income is too high then the loan available wouldn't be enough to live on which can be a challenge. I did retail jobs through uni to pay for my living expenses and chose a non-London uni to make it cheaper. Yes there were other kids there who could go out every night and I couldn't but it was actually much better preparation for the real world! Having a family member help to buy the odd more expensive text book or pay for a train ticket to get home made a real difference and was a lot more affordable for them.

I was lucky enough to get a reasonably good job after uni and have now paid off my loan but honestly it wouldn't make that much difference if I hadn't - you just factor it in. The amount you pay is based on your earnings not the size of the loan so was always affordable. If you earn £30k a year (£2500 a month) you only pay 9% of the amount in excess of the repayment threshold of £1615 a month. (2500-1615)*0.09 is £80 a month. I'm not saying that is insignificant, but it just becomes part of your budgeting, the idea being that you are earning more than average because of going to uni so it's worth it. If you earn less than £1615 a month (£19k a year) you don't make any repayments.

Affordability shouldn't ever be the deciding factor in whether someone goes to uni in this country.

sararh · 12/01/2021 16:12

@Almostslimjim

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

OP, what is your logic here?

If your niece does a standard 3 year degree (£9250 p/a) with the average maintenance loan (~£9000 a year outside London) she'll have accrued over £55,000 of debt when she leaves uni. More when you take into account the interest rates while studying.

Are you saying you'll pay £25,000 of this or something? Or are you only talking about her tuition fee loan?

If she averages £40,000 in her career, she'll end up paying about £1,250 a year back for the entirety of the 30 year lifespan of the loan regardless of whether that loan (due to interest) regardless of whether she leaves with a £55,000 loan or a £25,000 loan, or a £155,000 loan.

She'd need to be a super high earner for this to benefit her. Otherwise there's literally NO DIFFERENCE in her graduating with 'half' of her £55,000 loan paid by you. Literally none. I don't get why you'd be willing to bet money on your niece being a super high earner. Either pay the loan in full or not at all. You say you understand student loans - if this is true I think you're a bit mad.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/01/2021 16:17

The 2021 UCAS deadline is 29th Jan (extended from 15th Jan due to Covid). She really needs to make a decision soon.

yvanka · 12/01/2021 16:40

ChazsBrilliantAttitude That's just the deadline for unis to have to consider the application. Every uni considers applications long past that date, I know of plenty of people who have applied as late as August and got places.

Roussette · 12/01/2021 18:01

I'm also not convinced it is any other than my nieces decision as to whether she goes. Are you saying Roussette that if a young adults parents don't want them to go then they shouldn't?

Did I say that? No, of course not. But I wouldn't want to be going behind someone's back to help if it was really what the parent didn't want for their child. It's up to them to sort it out between themselves surely?
Or don't you think so?
I would like to think my sister would keep me onboard with anything to do with my child's future.

I was only trying to help in quoting something that happened to me. I'll leave you to it.
Good luck with whatever decision you make with regards to your niece.

titchy · 12/01/2021 19:21

@Roussette

I'm also not convinced it is any other than my nieces decision as to whether she goes. Are you saying Roussette that if a young adults parents don't want them to go then they shouldn't?

Did I say that? No, of course not. But I wouldn't want to be going behind someone's back to help if it was really what the parent didn't want for their child. It's up to them to sort it out between themselves surely?
Or don't you think so?
I would like to think my sister would keep me onboard with anything to do with my child's future.

I was only trying to help in quoting something that happened to me. I'll leave you to it.
Good luck with whatever decision you make with regards to your niece.

I think that's quite sad that you didn't help to be honest. It was solely that young chap's decision, not that of his parents and personally I think you should have offered help if he asked for it and seemed very keen.

Tier10 · 12/01/2021 19:25

Roussette do you know if he ended up going to university?

cptartapp · 12/01/2021 19:46

I know family members that were given a lump sum for a 'good cause' and their sibling got nothing. It's caused no end of issues.
And the favoured child feels so beholden even years later, nervous of making a decision and different life choices that wouldn't be approved of, because they were funded. Such a burden to carry.
Preferable to spread wealth in smaller amounts to more people IMO.

acrossthebrooklynbridge · 12/01/2021 20:21

I have been in your nieces situation. I was given a substantial money by my grandparents to help with my education. Without it I would not have been able to go to uni. They had many other grandchildren, but (as far as I know) they were not given any help. I think it was because my aunt and uncles were all very well off and could help their own children, and mine weren't. I'm not sure I was the favourite as such, more just the one who needed help at that point in time. Neither my grandparents, parents or myself ever told anyone about it, because yes potentially it could have caused issues within the family. So here I am, now with grandchildren of my own, and still nobody knows. I was grateful then, I remain grateful now. So my advice would be to offer the help to your niece as it is NOW she needs that help. Worry about the future when it comes.

anniegun · 12/01/2021 20:23

@Ahwelltoobad

How lovely that you are able to help her out! How about having a plan that she pays you back once she's working, and that money could then go towards the siblings/next child in line for uni?

As a mother to those siblings, I would perhaps struggle with it, it would feel unfair if only one kid gets to go, but from an outside perspective, the whole family could benefit from it.

Why would she borrow the money from the OP when the loan from the government may never have to be paid back?

VestaTilley · 12/01/2021 20:39

It’s really hard- I don’t think you can do it for one and not the others.

It’s a real shame if your DN is bright but doesn’t go. In her position I’d go, get the student loan for paying the fees and maintenance and maybe you could help her with living costs? It’s very kind and generous of you.

Talk to her. Help her see the value of a good degree from a decent uni, show her the jobs she could get.

The idea of huge debts is off putting, but show her how much top professionals earn within ten years - it’s still so worth doing.

It’s so sad how so many working class kids are going to be put off going to uni.

If she’s adamant tell her about the Open University and Birkbeck - she could live at home and still get a degree if she really wants a cheaper way to do it.

You sound like a very caring Auntie.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 12/01/2021 20:52

If she wants to go into IT/software then yes, she'll need a degree. I have several friends in the industry, one of whom didn't go to uni but got a job through a friend, and has hit a wall progression and salary-wise. Many of my uni friends landed graduate jobs in the IT sector straight after results. It's competitive but the salaries are staggering. And honestly, tech is the future! It's a great industry to get into.

As PP have said, it's worth going through how student loans work with her. I remember the uni application process being confusing and daunting, and that must be doubly so if you don't have a parent/carer who's gone through it themselves and can offer some insight.

That aside, I think it's a lovely gesture. It could be transformative for her.