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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women have a best before date

338 replies

Meowmeow202027 · 12/01/2021 01:06

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2021 01:09

No one or him?

diversity101 · 12/01/2021 01:13

Depends on the person. If you are no longer attractive at 30 that’s your genetics at play or your lifestyle has aged you. I think most women at 30 are still attractive.

Blessex · 12/01/2021 01:14

Nooooo! Try telling that to Joan Collins. Head up girl - you have the best years coming your way.

user1473878824 · 12/01/2021 01:16

I would love to think that we don’t, and I don’t REALLY believe we do, but I can’t remember the last time I stood waiting at a bar and someone tried to chat me up and in all honestly GOD I miss it, I’m 32, no kids, but feel much more invisible than I did in my twenties.

JamieLeesCurtains · 12/01/2021 01:23

the last time I stood waiting at a bar and someone tried to chat me up

I was honestly in my mid to late 40s. Younger guys. It was funny and endearing.

I found my DP, not in a bar, a few years after that. I don't mean I literally found him in a cupboard or anything - we were introduced.

5zeds · 12/01/2021 01:24

Nope. I think we are fed a ridiculous narrative that our “best years” are a just flowering new and shiny naive teen/twenty something and the reality is that those are nice years, just like toddlers are cute, but not a forever thing. I had a fairly exciting and fulfilling young adult life.....I enjoyed it but I prefer being older.

berrygirlie · 12/01/2021 01:25

I'm young so this is horribly worrying! I'm hoping that if I do reach my "Best Before" I'll be too old and cool to give a shit Grin

I don't know if I agree though, I think a lot of it comes down to looking after yourself and accepting your age, vs trying to look young (which usually makes you look older, e.g. Katie Price). Helen Mirren looks fantastic, for example!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2021 01:26

I didn't get married until I was 31, had the kids in the same decade. I don't work since I had them so no idea if the men at work would suddenly ignore me but certainly in my volunteer work they don't, but then we have a massive age range and a circulating hierarchy so respect etc is harder to delineate

LaBellina · 12/01/2021 01:30

So we have a life expectancy of well into our 70's/80's or even older for some but our 'best before date' is somewhere around 30? Fuck that Grin

fallfallfall · 12/01/2021 01:36

Men get equally flabby and out of shape. Hair thins and hairline recedes.
Potentially their net worth increases which some may find attractive and counterbalances the physical decline.
Healthy and fit looks good at any age as do well fitting clothes.

Flightinspace · 12/01/2021 01:36

I think your post says more about you and how you feel about yourself than anything else, literally no one i know feels this way and we are decades older than you.

What on earth makes you feel this way at 30!

Wantubackforgood · 12/01/2021 01:40

Am nowhere near mine and I am 53 ...it's a state of mind !

MayDayHelp · 12/01/2021 01:41

I’m almost 40 and honestly the last year I’ve had more attention from hot men than I’ve ever had before Grin.

Can’t really explain why that is but I definitely don’t feel past my sell by date. And I feel like people value my opinions more now that I’m older, not less.

ColdemortReturns · 12/01/2021 01:43

Not all women have kids to address your title, and then post.
But no, I'm 39 and men listen to my opinions. Maybe because age has made me more forceful with them Grin

MintyCedric · 12/01/2021 01:47

I'm 45 and judging by the men on OLD sites that are my age or a few years older I'd say men definitely have a sell by date!

oakleaffy · 12/01/2021 01:49

My Mum {Stepmum} is 81 and looks slim and stylish...Walks a lot, mentally sharp.

Staying trim {I am a stone over ideal weight, so need to heed own propaganda} really helps.

30 is still very youthful
I stopped getting whistled at at late 40's..no loss.

2Cats3Kids · 12/01/2021 01:49

Younger women get creeps pawing at them in bars, even if they are modestly dressed and clearly not interested.

Older women often find that the people who like and admire them do so for all the right reasons (shared interests, shared values, etc).

Sure, there are far fewer admirers, but the quality is higher. Better to have a very small number of high quality people than a large number of salivating arseholes, no?

(This does not completely apply to me, as I've been with my husband for 15 years -eep!- but I definitely DO NOT miss being ogled by creepy men in bars. If that means I've reached my best before date then scrape off the mould and chuck me in the bin, by all means! )

oakleaffy · 12/01/2021 01:51

@LaBellina

So we have a life expectancy of well into our 70's/80's or even older for some but our 'best before date' is somewhere around 30? Fuck that Grin
😂Shit...At 30 I hadn't begun!
tigerlily20 · 12/01/2021 01:54

Life begins when women stop caring about what men think of them. It's just too bloody short, don't let anyone give you a shelf-life, not even yourself.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 12/01/2021 01:55

I disagree with that concept totally!

However, even if I did agree with you.

30 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1forAll74 · 12/01/2021 01:56

Best before dates, should apply to lots of men. I have noticed lots of men, aged about 30,who have gone to pot. some have paunches and beer bellies, slouch around, don't care what they look like,as in untidy and unappealing.

JaneJeffer · 12/01/2021 02:08

What was his response?

user1473878824 · 12/01/2021 02:09

@JamieLeesCurtains I found my DP, not in a bar, a few years after that. I don't mean I literally found him in a cupboard or anything - we were introduced.

That would have been a FAR better story though Grin

WhenPidgeonsCry · 12/01/2021 02:11

@berrygirlie

I'm young so this is horribly worrying! I'm hoping that if I do reach my "Best Before" I'll be too old and cool to give a shit Grin

I don't know if I agree though, I think a lot of it comes down to looking after yourself and accepting your age, vs trying to look young (which usually makes you look older, e.g. Katie Price). Helen Mirren looks fantastic, for example!

Yeah, if you still give a shit by the "sell-by-date" age, then you've gone wrong somewhere!

I remember being a teenager/early 20s and thinking "omg these women who let themselves go, how do they live like that?" (aka without appearance-based validation), but now I look at teenagers/women in their early 20s and think "omg these girls and woman who obsess over their image, fashion, etc. how do they live like that??"

And I am roughly 24,000% happier and more secure about my appearance now than I was then! So I would say my current self won this particular battle.

abstractprojection · 12/01/2021 02:17

I don't think women have a sell by date but they can lose their spark, but you can get it back.