To think women have a best before date

[Meowmeow202027]

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

I think you are probably right, but surely not at 30! that's too young.

I don't care to be invisible to men though, I am not interested in their attention anyway, but it is sad to be judge by looks only. It seems like once you are not in your fertile years, you are nothing.

Why do you feel a need to be attractive to men though?
Your appearance is solely to please you and no one else
Who cares what other people think of you?

These phrases are always mentioned on here but in reality, I think a lot of women DO care what other people think of them and want to look good for themselves but for other women and men too - even if they're in great relationships!

I was only having this conversation with some friends the other day. Out of six of us, only one said that in her late 40s she generally didn't give a shit about what she looks like now and what people think. I'm early 40s and definitely give a shit about how I look and how others look at me but each to their own I guess.

As for men, I suppose it depends where you go and see them. Around and about or in the local village pub and yes, some middle aged men are balding and a bit overweight. Go to my gym or the local bars and the men my age look amazing but these will be the ones who look after themselves and like to dress well.

I'm not much over 30, and although I feel like I'm "old" now, I still get asked for ID if I'm buying alcohol as part of the shopping (not for me at the moment!) , even with a baby and another arriving very soon. 🙈 Although that moment was once ruined when the assistant checked my date of birth and went "Wow sorry! You're even older than I am!"

What would you be "best" at before 30? I don't get it. Are you still a good mum? A kind person? Do you still laugh, have ideas, have views on things? Are you still kind? Fun? Can you still read, walk? Can you still make plans? Do you still have hopes? Can you still vote? Can you still work? Are we supposed to be worried that randoms on the street don't wolf whistle at us anymore or that men don't want to come in our faces as much as they used to or something? I'm 42 now. I couldn't give a shit what anyone thinks of me, especially men. I feel free.

I have a best after date 💁‍♀️

I think turning 30 can be a bit of milestone for many women, but only in their own heads (I include myself there). You probably won't feel that way once you have turned 30 - it is that build up to the perceived milestone where real 'youth' ends.

I honestly think that most women are actually at their most attractive physically in their mid to late thirties. Not in their twenties. The confidence usually follows in all areas of life and you tend to give much less concern as to what others think about anything including your opinions. I was much happier in my thirties and now forties than in my twenties. More certain of myself and less worried what others thought.

It is purely in your own mind I guarantee you. You have the best years of your life ahead of you

I often joke that if I had the body of my 20s and the confidence I now have in my 40s - it would be an awesome combo

I have not read the whole thread but yes I definitely think it very very common for men of whatever age to want to sleep with females (assuming they are hetrosexual) of any age of mid to late teens to maximum 25 years old.
Remember it was not that long ago (on a relative scale) when having sex with a 13/14/15 year old girl was just nodded past (John Peel, David Bowie, Page etc all "got away" with it without any consequences)

It is only relatively recently that the age of the woman has become much more of a focus.
But I believe that new focus has not changed most hetrosexual men's preferences given half a chance.

I am not giving an opinion on the rights or wrongs of this (I am female) simply stating my view.

So yes OP, if you feel you are not getting male attention as much now you are in your 30s you are probably right (but it is not because of something to do with you per se).

No we flipping do not have a "best before date".

Stop letting men determine your worth.

Look after your physical and emotional health and you will never subscribe to this bollocks notion of "best before date".

Personally, my early-mid thirties were my best, healthiest, most active, most attractive years.

I had DC later though and the care-free element of having a career but no dependents certainly played a part in that, though I think it's true for many people in their 30s, who are comfortable with their life choices and in their own skin. The 20s can be too frenetic and fuelled by self-doubt (and other stuff that makes you look unhealthy) to be the best years, for many people.

So the good news for you is that it's still all to play for, in the sense that your potentially most healthy, settled, confident so attractive years, are still ahead.

You will get past the demanding pre-schooler years and things will settle down, you'll have a chance to get a bit of yourself back.

Mentally, self-confidence, knowing your own mind and following your own interests are very attractive qualities.

Physically, do not underestimate the power of oestrogen. It makes you feel good, look good and contributes towards muscular strength. So, you have the chance to fitter, healthier and more glowing than you have ever been, more vivacious, in the next decade.

I’m early 30s and definitely feel well past BBE sadly

When work was still allowed before covid. It was so interesting on the tube/ train how the women in general looked pretty good and the men over about 40, loads of them just looked awful.

A consequence of women being told looks are v important I suppose. But fucking hell. It's like a massive gap.

This is because other women judge each other’s looks just as much as men do.

I think there are lots of men who do value young women more than old and would but limits on what age they will go for - a lot of those men, are, surprise surprise, single (and many bitter about it). I remember in my late twenties when I had online dating profiles I'd get messages from men who would be in the late thirties or forties and on their profile they'd have that they're looking for women with a max. age of 25.

The question is, should you care? I did get more attention from weirdoes on the street when I was younger - but isn't that a good thing that I don't as much now?

I'm 36 and certainly look better than some of my male colleagues around the same age even though I'm not as slim as I was in my twenties. I think how you age is more down to things like smoking, diet, general stresses of day to day life. Smoking and drinking heavily I can see definitely are big agers if you can avoid those, and too much sun exposure. Men have to worry about going bald which ages them prematurely. I get plenty of male attention but more from older guys.

*put

Certainly not here. In fact I'd go as far as to say I have a 'best after' date!
Maybe an 'OK before 30' but definitely a 'best after 52'
That bit in the middle - marriage and kids. Though don't get me wrong - wouldn't have missed that for the world but in terms of my 'attractiveness' - definitely at my worst!

Maybe to the wrong kind of men...

Once you realise that women aren’t on this earth for their decorative value your self esteem will improve massively.

This.

I am much, much more than my level of attractiveness only. Any man who disregards the depth and breadth of my person based on looks alone isn’t worth a moment of my time and consideration.

The way you feel is probably more to do with the fact that you have 3 young children and probably don’t get much time to yourself. I don’t know your situation but money to spend on yourself can also be in short supply in these years. I remember feeling as if I had lost myself a little even while loving my new mother role.
I agree with pp that no we don’t . It is certainly an idea put around by certain men but we shouldn’t buy into it or care. This gives the idea power. It is a peculiar arrogance of some men. We all age, men and women.

I've got a best before date but I'll be OK if you microwave me long enough

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

I disagree with that concept totally!

However, even if I did agree with you.

30 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You said it for me.

Probably, but I don't think 30 is the cut off.
I'm around that age and I'm noticing that there's a pretty clear difference between those who have kids and those who don't.
Parenting seems to age people pretty rapidly.
That said, there is a definite point where you become "hot for a..." rather than simply hit.
Someone mentioned Joan Collins who looks amazing for someone who is almost 90 but I don't think she could compete with even an average 25 year old.

I think most women as they approach 30 feel some kind of ‘is this the beginning of the end of my looks - will wrinkles appear etc’

But 30 is no age and I know many people who look better in they’d 30’s than 20’s. People peak at different times.

Also some people are generally more attractive than others so that helps hugely. Though the current look/fashion of inflated lips that many younger woman follow, I find very unattractive. Imo that look is hideous. So many of them would look much nicer without all that crap in their lips. So I’d find a naturally pretty 35 year old more attractive than a 22 year old with that inflated lip look.

No!! Read The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.

You’re feeling this way because yo have young children. It’s hard to feel attractive when surrounded by nappies and snot. Give it a few years and you’ll be fine again. Some of the most glamorous women I know are in their 40s and 50s. They definitely look better than they did in their 30s. It’s partly a confidence thing too. They are more assured now, and that’s attractive to both other men and women.

I'd also counter that it's very common for men to want to sleep with older women.

I'll decide when my best before date is thank you very much. I absolutely love being 50 and don't need approval or validation. It's hugely liberating and I've never felt more "me".