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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women have a best before date

338 replies

Meowmeow202027 · 12/01/2021 01:06

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

OP posts:
namechangeforfriday · 12/01/2021 04:16

Christ, I’m nearly 32 and feel the most comfortable in myself I’ve ever been. I think I’m attractive, it doesn’t really bother me whether other people agree. I’ve found my style clothes-wise, the best haircut for me, pursuing more creative hobbies and voicing my opinion with conviction. But I don’t have kids or a husband... maybe that’s what’s keeping me young 😂 on a serious note though no, I don’t think 30 is anywhere near ‘past it’, not that I really subscribe to the concept anyway, because it’s misogynist. I don’t think my friends in their 30s feel they’re past it either!

purpleproses · 12/01/2021 04:19

At least it's not a use by date.

TooManyKidsSendHelp · 12/01/2021 04:21

@purpleproses

At least it's not a use by date.
Grin
Maudythebudgie · 12/01/2021 04:59

My worth is in my brain, skills and knowledge, so nope.

CrunchyCarrot · 12/01/2021 05:36

When I was 23, I was told by my 30 yr old male cousin that I should find someone because 'You won't always be eligible'. Hmm Hmm Hmm

I met my DP when I was 40, we've been happily together ever since. I think when you're older, you're more attractive because you're usually more confident in who you are. I don't think there is a 'use by' date, unless there's one in your own head.

Sobeyondthehills · 12/01/2021 05:38

I think in your 30s something changes in a woman and we start giving less of a shit what other people think.

Its not physical, its mentally.

What are the MNs phrases

No is a complete sentence
Fuck off can be used
Did you really just ask me that?

No idea on the last two but the first one is

LizDiz · 12/01/2021 05:51

How rude. Best before date indeed. We are not a piece of meat. What a load of sexist crap you have been fed and are now regurgitating.

You're very young , if you're not happy with yourself then do something about it. You have many years ahead of you.

malificent7 · 12/01/2021 06:12

Now I'm 40 I cringe at my 21 year old self...

user1493413286 · 12/01/2021 06:16

Not really but I do think that having young children makes you feel invisible in that way

AllAussieAdventures · 12/01/2021 06:17

Yes, well, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

What men 'prefer' is none of my concern.

wildraisins · 12/01/2021 06:31

Why do you feel a need to be attractive to men though?

meeeeh · 12/01/2021 06:33

No way?! 30 is so young! My mother is late 50s and still gets whistled at/chatted up!

Peanutbutterblood · 12/01/2021 06:33

I thing confidence and individual attitude go a long way here. My husband used to be the kind of bloke who'd say this shit. I have a friend who is a single mum at 30, my dh commented a couple of years ago that she'd struggle to find anyone else as women get worse after 30, my friend has self esteem issues and yes she will struggle to find a nice man but that's because shes not looking for one, without realising the damage shes out looking for dickheads and toxic relationships. Yet she cries shes over the hill.

Aged 28 I'd not long had my 2nd dc and was a bit overweight and frumpy and working in a dead end job. I'm 30 now and I've never looked better, studying for a great career and full of confidence. My dh adores me but I know I'd have no problem finding someone else.

Tbh it's not up to a man to decide my best before

Ifailed · 12/01/2021 06:39

even looks my way
Why would you want that - at any age? Your appearance is solely to please you and no one else.

pricklymole · 12/01/2021 06:40

If we do then I went past mine when I was a teenager.

Namechangebuttercup · 12/01/2021 06:41

It's not your age.
It's how society views mothers.
I never felt quite so invisible as I did after having kids. I see in women who have a lot of support, be it family or nannies, with the kids seem to retain more of a visibility, especially if they're working in a professional job.
If you're a SAHM, or work in a shop or factory ie not a "profession" you are "just" a mum. And who listens to mums?! And if you have an ethnicity that involves darker skin, it's multiplied.
The people who make people, then do the majority of grunt work in raising them, at least in their early years, are not remotely centred in our society.
So not a sell by date, but an invisibility.

welliguessitwouldbenice · 12/01/2021 06:46

I'm young so this is horribly worrying! I'm hoping that if I do reach my "Best Before" I'll be too old and cool to give a shit

This is the right attitude. I’m nearly 50 now and believe I’m both old and cool and definitely past my best before date physically. I think I’m popular now for my coolness though. No one is chatting me up anymore but people like to chat to me 😊

MsTSwift · 12/01/2021 06:51

Definitely in the eyes of sleazy men - but who cares about them!

Actually enjoying being able to go about my business without the leering and sexual undertone I realised underlay most if my interaction with men when I was young and hot. Don’t miss it at all.

Ylvamoon · 12/01/2021 06:51

Men who think like that are sexist twats. They don't deserve a shred of our time and attention.

(But obviously in the glitzy glamour world, there is a point to this. It’s so sad.)

speakout · 12/01/2021 06:56

One of the lovely thinga about getting older is that the attentions from random creepy strangers decreases.
It is liberating!

no one cares about my opinions that part is nothing to do with age.

petrocellihouse · 12/01/2021 06:57

My method for seeing if something is ‘still in date’ is to give it a good sniff. If you don’t smell as if you’re going off op, I’d say you are still ok.

In all seriousness though, it is easy to become invisible, because we let it happen. And why on earth should we change just for men? If you want to change, do it for yourself. Never base your own sense of self worth on how men view you.

Icanseegreenshoots · 12/01/2021 07:02

You need to work on your self esteem not your age op!

HappyFlamingo · 12/01/2021 07:06

The things about myself that I really value are not related to my looks. So getting older (I'm mid 40s) really isn't a big deal for me. If you're the kind of person who judges everyone (including yourself) by your looks, and hangs out with other people who feel the same, then I guess it may be different.

Esspee · 12/01/2021 07:09

Take it from an oldie, my best years looks wise were 40-45 but the years I would like to repeat (over and over) were mid 50’s to mid 60’s. 😁

RosesAndHellebores · 12/01/2021 07:12

I don't agree at all.
I married at 31 and had my last child at 39. From 35 to 43 I was a SAHM and those years were dominated by the children but I was very conscious always of having conversation about things other than the children and if I didn't have time to read the paper (when we still had papers) I read the editorial at least and tried to read the occasional book so I had some conversation other than children, home and holidays. It was also a time of meeting lots of new people through the children's school and playgroups/Church etc and then their sports.

Went back to work at 43 and I do think working gives you an identity. 60 now and still working and still getting male attention and being listened to and am very glad it's for my knowledge and experience and probably not my stunning good looks but nice to have chaps and women in their 30s/40s and even 50s who listen to my advice.

Happily married for 30 years. DH thinks I get chatted up; I never notice.