To think women have a best before date

[Meowmeow202027]

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

Jeez...well I met my 2nd husband at 34, so definitely wasn't past it then ( he was 28). I am in my 50s, dress reasonably fashionably and still get the odd chat up. (older guys, am not a cougar).
Hardly think 30 is past your sell by date.

Men and women can be both attractive or unattractive at any age. What everyone loses though is the freshness that disappears it’s why the cosmetic industry makes so much money.

30 is a bit young to be declaring all of this!

I thought you we're going to say you're turning 60 or something... 30 is nothing. You're still so young.

(And before anyone jumps on me, yes I know there are plenty of attractive women past the age of 60)

Jeez! 30's not even in your prime! I looked my absolute best by the time I was 35. Skin's still good, body's young enough to really hone after kids...confidence grows....I still feel very attractive and I'm 48! Men look at me all the time thanks!

A Best Before Date??

It might be naive, but I’d like to think it’s a state of mind rather than body.

There are people in their 20s and 30s who have the behaviour and ways of the middle-aged. It’s like they were born old.

And then there are people in their 70s, like my parents, who have so much spiritedness and energy for life and being silly and seeking out new experiences... they’ll always seem ‘young’.

What’s making you feel this way? Is it a momentary wobble as your milestone birthday draws nearer (30 is still so, so young!) or something more fundamental?

What did your DH say when you said this to him?

Having young kids is wearing.

I was depressed and got very overweight when I had the kids. But I didn't meet DH till I was 32 and I don't remember struggling to meet blokes in the pub :D

And now I'm mid 40s I get little Street harassment (yay!) And loads of attention from young fellas at work which is weird... But whatever! I've always had friends of both sexes and all ages but... There's definitely flirting from fit young chaps. Don't get it tbh. Very strange.

Anyway. No don't be silly. Get through the young kid years and spring back.

What did your OH say though when you said you felt unattractive? That's pretty important.

DH always doted on me even when I was depressed and very overweight. Reading here I think maybe I was lucky though.

@Meowmeow202027

To men that is? Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women. Sorry for the rambling.

Isn't there an entire catagory of porn dedicated to mens fantasy about this age/type of womqn?

Milf?

"I remember being a teenager/early 20s and thinking "omg these women who let themselves go, how do they live like that?" (aka without appearance-based validation), but now I look at teenagers/women in their early 20s and think "omg these girls and woman who obsess over their image, fashion, etc. how do they live like that??""

EXACTLY. I will still put on some make up and efforty clothes at times, but generally, I just don't care if anyone finds me attractive these days, except my husband.

OP, at your age, I was still going out clubbing, pulling every weekend, dressed up to the nines.

Guys aren't looking at you because you're not looking at them. If you did, they'd look. Probably lack of confidence. But if you have a husband, why do you even want other men's validation?

If no one cares about your opinion, that's something totally different.

Work on your confidence. Your life being effectively over at 30 is a really sad and desperate way to look at things.

Haha! FFS you are not even 30. 30! You are nowhere near your prime yet, believe me. And I bet you look amazing, of course you do.

For context I am in my mid-50s. I am confident, I feel fabulous, I don't base my self worth on what men think of me. I got chatted up at a wedding last year - unfortunately for him I'm happily married

And for what it's worth, if anyone dared to suggest that I was past my sell by date I'd feel like slapping them - though of course I'm far too much of a lady to do any such thing

You, my dear OP, have your youth and loveliness. Enjoy them.

I worried about this when I was 28/29. Then I hit 30 and when no invisible oven timer went "ding" and when I didn't immediately crumple to the ground and turn into a bag of potatoes, I realised life goes on and nothing changed. Except my elbows are dry now.
A few years later, and I can promise my 30s have so far been a LOT more fun and fulfilling (and I'm more confident in my decisions) than my 20s. Even with this Covid shite obliterating the past almost-year.
The best is yet to come.

Also on the sell by date.

When work was still allowed before covid. It was so interesting on the tube/ train how the women in general looked pretty good and the men over about 40, loads of them just looked awful.

A consequence of women being told looks are v important I suppose. But fucking hell. It's like a massive gap.

And as for, what, getting old. Up to you and your personality. Do what you enjoy doing. I realise now that many people who went out clubbing etc when younger did it for different reasons to me.

I still go clubbing, went to printworks a bit before lockdown. All day festivals. Gigs etc.

Just do your thing :) being happy keeps you young

'no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way'

Cares about your opinion?

OP who are you talking about?
What did your OH say?

We can all say yeah you're going it's fine

But what is your situation? Who isn't listening to you?

I didn't feel that way at 30,40 but I'm 54 now and feel like I've aged due to isolation of WFH. So I do feel rather invisible now. Hey ho. It's a small worry by comparison to some.

Hey love

My post natal depression kicked in bigtime with the first lockdown. Same thing really. Restricted from normal life. I love going out.

Not in a great place (hence posting at this time even though work tomorrow :( )

Anyway. What have you always wanted to do? I went and flew a helicopter before lockdown. It was brilliant! Learn a musical instrument? Also involves a weekly chat with a nice person through the screen! Loads of online stuff like music, museums putting it all online. There's online club/ disco stuff as well...!!!

I'm struggling but still trying. Please don't give up.

Your are internalising the misogynist.

To be fair I think both men and women probably have such a date but men are just less concerned about theirs, because they haven't been conditioned to have their sense of self hinge on it.

I voted YABU because really you’re probably just at that slightly shit stage of life where you’re super busy, three (probably youngish) kids that take up heaps of your time and energy, as well as all the house/wife work that seems to come with it. Often feels like there’s no time for just YOU, where you can do what you want, when you want, have hobbies and interests, be interesting etc.

It gets better especially once you have head space back as the kids become more independent. And late 40s women are certainly still “noticed” by men.

Plus men totally “let themselves go” at any age and they don’t even have pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding as an excuse.

You have three young kids and are probably knackered. It has absolutely nothing to do with your age
Having children can age women and one has to make a concerted effort to look after ones mental and physical health

Everyone eventually shows their age, men as well as women. Some of it you can mitigate, but genetics play a powerful role. I'd say genetics and "lifestyle choices" (activity level, smoking, drugs, etc.) make more difference than whether or not a woman has had children, because some women who have had children remain objectively attractive much longer than other women who have never been pregnant.

I definitely don't look as attractive as I did when I was younger, but then, I don't really bother much with my appearance. If I was single and looking, I'd put more effort into it. As it is, I doubt I'd draw many glances from men I'd be interested in dating, but then again, I haven't looked to see if anyone's looking back.

It's not something I worry about, in my early 40s and married. I'd like to lose weight, but I'm not willing to put in the time, expense, and effort it would take to attempt to turn back the clock. Aging is simply a fact of life.

Well I wouldn't put it like that, but do men prefer younger women? Yes, obviously.

I'm often surprised when I see guys my age - they (to me anyway) look years older than I do. Honestly, at 30 you are still young, and attractive. I'm 61 and I don't think I've reached my best before date yet.

I think men do have a B.B.E as well. I'm 28, but I think men in their mid 20s are better looking than 30+ year old men. I'm not attracted to a man's money. Mind you, last one was rich and abusive so maybe that's why I'm put off.

@FrostedCranberries

I think men do have a B.B.E as well. I'm 28, but I think men in their mid 20s are better looking than 30+ year old men. I'm not attracted to a man's money. Mind you, last one was rich and abusive so maybe that's why I'm put off.

Do you think that for many its the other way round?

A best after date?

A lot of men i know where just car crashes in their 20s but surprisingly sorted and decent in thier 30a

I think this is quite variable. And not just about looks, but also a certain vibe of seeming possibly available.

But I do think a lot of people, as they get older, find there is less constant/obvious trying it on/flirting etc in play. More people are attached, older people may be less hormonally driven overall, some people become less attractive, some have more commitments or worries, a lot of people meet others mainly at work and don't want to have flirtations there.

I do find older women are less likely to find they can go out and have young guys buy them drinks all night. OTOH, I think they may also find many men are more interested in what they say than they were before - they treat them more as equals. It's not the same sort of interest though, it's less accepting in some ways.

Some women seem to like the switch, and others not so much.