ex ptr yells me out - should he just bugger off or am i wrong to 'borrow' change??

[persephonesnape]

my 12 year old dd has a key to my exes house and lets herself in after school. i work full time, ex is on incapacity benefit.

he has been on holiday with his gf for a week (italy...)and I've been dropping by to collect my daughter and make sure house is ok, feed cats etc, they got back this morning.

he phones me at half nine this morning to yell me out because we took some change from the HUGE shoe box of change in their living room for some bread/milk for my daughter while she was in the house after school (they'd left the fridge completely empty and the house looked like a bombsite. she was told to not switch on TV or computer and tv and the heating was off..) and tickets for the boys (ds1 & 2) halloween party. I left a note saying I'd taken some change and would pay it back when i get my child benefit (tuesday) i am absolutely broke this month - car failed its MOT and i don't get maintenance from him)

apparently the shoe box full of change is his gfs dead husbands change box. he died about a year ago, she stayed in the house she inherited from his estate and my ex moved in with her. she's upset because i borrowed £6 from the change box ( there is hardly a dent in the box - you wouldn't notice if you didn't know type thing)

he was also yelling because my daughter left the oven on yesterday. she was told not to use it, but was hungry and cold after walking home so warmed up a baguette. I didn't check it when i was making sure everything as ok and cats were fed yesterday as i didn't know it was on.

I don't think I'm unreasonable. neither is my dd. he's being a shit for yelling me out when we've gone out of our way to feed the poxy cats and make sure house is ok while they swan off on holiday.

I'm so angry and upset that I've been crying (that very seldom happens) should i have not got boys the tickets for their halloween party? or should i have just not taken the change or not been honest about taking it ( they probably wouldn't have noticed..)or is he just a shit and they can make different arrangements to feed the kitties next time?

the way some posts were worded could have been taken to include all people on incapacity, thats how i took it anyway. if people believe that i dont expect them to change their views or retract their comments, i didnt think they meant that so i pointed out what their posts said to me thinking they would alter what they said. they chose not to. i have formed opinions of those posters based on that. i would like to clarify the op is not one of them.

incapacity isnt easy to get, if you cant be bothered to get a job you dont go on incapacity, at least thats what i have been told. my friend had to provide proof from doctors. some people are lazy and are on benefits. but the point of incapacity is that it is for people who are incapacitated, i dont think you can get a doctors note for laziness. i know there are lazy people who cant be bothered to work, i am not disputing that. but there is a difference between choosing not to work and being unable to work

if you start a post with what i started a post with you expect that post to be deleted. i finished the post with 'go ahead and get my post deleted'. so no, it doesnt speak volumes

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um, the word i used has been used several times on this thread, however it has been directed at the ops ex so thats ok, i directed it at the posters i found offensive, which obviously isnt. and i put it in bold. so there you go.

if your friend is defrauding the system, report him. the op did not say her ex is doing so, she does not wish to elaborate but has said that he isnt. so the posts i objected to were not only offensive but also pointless.

if you have no idea how i am offended then you havent read my posts, i think i have made it fairly clear.

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Peski, YOU started a witch hunt, YOU started the name calling, You say I am a bigot then YOU go on about single mothers and free child care, You say I don't care about people, YOU don't even know me, if you did you would know my dad died when I was small and my mother (single parent due to dad dyeing aged 49) had a break down, and yes we lived for a time on benefits, free school meals and such (that is what the system is there for a safety net to help people in times of need) The breakdown left my mother unable to go out and if we, my sister and I got her out of the house she would have massive panic attacks (not something I would wish on anyone.) It was a long slow and hard road and I would prey every night that tomorrow mummy would be well and walk us to school or take us to the park or do the stuff I saw my friends mothers doing. BUT every penny my mother got went on food, clothes rent and other bills NOT holidays, My sister and I were well fed, warm and clothed, Yes on hand outs from the tax payer, and we were grateful for it.

I got a job instead of going to uni and I paid back in to the system that helped my mother, When I was 19 I had major kidney problems and major surgery that meant for 6 months I could not work and once again had to look to the safety net of the state, every penny I got went on rent and bills and as soon as I was well I worked and paid back in.

I know people I went to school with that have NEVER done a days work in their lives, letting the tax payer bail them out all the way and yes it makes me sick, because these people drain the system that is there to help people in REAL need.

I have no issue with your friend, you put that in to the mix, I was not the first of only person to question how someone on benefits can afford a holiday to Italy but YOU decided to have a go at me, well go on I don't really give a toss, but be warned I bite back, also I think even though my sister lived through the hell of my mothers illness and panic attacks she would swap panic attacks for cancer round about now, as no one ever died from a panic attack, and the chances are I will lose my wonderful sister to this fucking illness, but hay as you say I don't care about people and anyway it will save the NHS some cash!
Now please with the greatest respect FUCKOFF

kimi, you sound like you have had a very sad life. however all i did was point out that my friend would be devastated if she saw your post and it would have massive impact on her. i assumed you did not mean for this to happen but you didnt want to take it back. instead you chose to patronise me for using swear words (and who is using them now?) and laugh about upsetting me on another thread which imo is the behaviour of a playground bully. that was why i came back here. all i did was point out that there were some thoughtless posts. i took offence because i know my friend would. im not having a go about your life or people who are ill, it is tragic that people have to go through these things. but i wouldnt make them feel worse unnecessarily, if i posted something which offended someone because they took it the wrong way i wouldnt defend what i said, i would apologise for causing the offence and try to word it differently.

if anyone on here suffers from severe anxiety to the point where it means you cannot live a normal life i would be very interested to hear from you, but i am rather bored of answering questions from people who have already made up their minds and dont know what they are on about.

i know how my friend would react.

she cant be the only one who would react that way

i pointed out that your post would cause her a lot of grief

i am pounced on because that doesnt apply to everyone and some peope defraud the system

i pointed out that single mothers on benefits do not financially support their kids but that does not make them worthless in the same way he is not worthless because he doesnt pay maintenance. i pointed out that he was looking after their dd which makes me think that he isnt the evil twat (oops, will my post get deleted for using that word again or is it ok as its not directed at one of you?) that a lot of people were saying he is

euff. i hate it when i have nothing to say about my own thread because it's evolved into something entirely different. still evolution is a wonderful thing. pray continue your discussion without me - i don't like fights. me and the ex have patched it up - so i guess my original comments have come to a conclusion

i've been sitting outside the halloween disco freezing my chuff off for the last hour so I'm off to put my little zombies to bed and go for a nice hot bath. thank you, ladies for your words or kindess and support, or even just bothering to comment

I was not being a bully you stupid woman, I was saying Hi to a poster on another thread that I talk to off of this talk board, that I first got talking to on a thread where someone jumped on me for saying parents who let their children use heeleys in shops knocking over old ladies were stupid, I found it funny that out of all the posts you jumped on mine.
I stand by what I said, if you don't like it fine.
I thought I would chuck in a swear word as I thought it was what you understood going by your name calling posts.
And I have a lovely little life thank you.

I have no feelings for your friend one way or the other, except that maybe she should choose HER friends better, not ones that bandy her life around a talk board.

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Thank you MF, oncologists tomorrow, lumps in her breast and under arm coughing up lots of blood two .

I'd like to post, but I am not sure there are any adults to read my response

Pixie - this is not about your friend. This is about persephone's problem. Whatever else you think - it is taking over a thread where someone is asking for comments about their problem.

perhaps if you and/or kimi have a problem - you could take it off board?

Reading this is absolutely vile and detracting from persephone's problem.

Right, anyway....

Persephone: I'd refuse to feed his cats in future if he is going to be unreasonable about you borrowing money to assist with the task of feeding his cats.

If, in future, dd is required to go there after school (rather than go home to your house), perhaps she could take an extra bit of packed lunch with her - save arguments?

If they react over such things like this, I cant see things changing. Mind you, maybe it all boils down to them having had a shit holiday? Who knows what goes through someone else's mind sometimes.

Persephone, Glad you are working it out with your EX, I would not feed his cats ever again, and I would make sure you get your books back from the GF.

xx

im glad you have patched things up pers. sorry it has evolved, its happened before on my threads and i know it makes you feel a bit left out. i didnt want to leave the comments as they were and i didnt think for a second this would happen

vvvq i wanted to post on here because the comments i know my friend would be upset by were on here. i didnt think people would start jumping about and shouting because i had said their comments could be offensive. i thought they didnt mean them, i thought they would take them back. i didnt think they would defend them and it would start an argument.

kimi, if you were referring to another thread on which you were called a bigot then i apologise for jumping to the wrong conclusion. i didnt know there was more than one person thought that about you. my initial post was not just directed at you, but you wre the one who came back to stand by your views. they are your views and you are entitled to them, i just thought you hadnt meant them. i also stand by my comment that laughing with your mates because you have upset someone is bullying behaviour.

mf - i am not disputing that you have issues, but clearly you are not as bad as my friend. if you are then frankly your children should not live with you. but from what you say you do live a normal life, just one that is more difficult than some

mental health problems are every bit as serious as cancer. at one point we were worried we were going to lose my friend to her illness. if she saw this discussion she would not post, she would lock herself in her room and probably self harm or god forbid try taking pills again. i am astounded that people who supposedly have experience of mental health issues couldnt give a toss that what they have said could cause problems for people suffering in the way they believe themselves or their loved ones suffer. or maybe the only important type of mental health issue is the one you know about. maybe the rest dont exist.

kimi if your mother was starting to get better and you heard some idiots on the street saying things you knew would set her back would you just let them carry on so she could hear them? the difference with a conversation on the steet and a forum like this is that once the conversation is finished no one else can hear it. this thread will be here along time and if someone googles incapacity and then finds comments such as 'he is getting too much money if he can go on holiday' or 'he should get off his arse and get a job' then do you really think that not one person could take offence at that? i am talking about extremely vulnerable people with no sense of worth about themselves, massive paranoia issues, anxiety, panic attacks - so much so that they frequently cannot leave the house and even then they sit under a duvet incase someone is watching them. she is getting help and getting better. but i know my friend and i know that these comments would seriously hurt her and god knows what that would lead to. so stand by your comments. im sure your mother is proud. and if you dont want me to bring her into it they dont start waving her in front of you as your banner to say you know what you are talking about.

Pixe you are so boring me now, I was not waving my mother as a banner, I do know what I am talking about More then you will ever know, I still stand by what I said EVERY word of it, but I have more pressing things to think of then your point of view. Oh and by the way my mother would not give a shit if someone said something about her, she is a grown up.
And if you think I am a bigot for having a different opinion to you then so be it, I don't give a toss.