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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do a not-so-humble-brag about new DP?

179 replies

Jackblackcat · 10/01/2021 08:51

Ok bit of a trick question because I suppose this is more about me than him, but today marks one year since I finally kicked my abusive husband out. It took a lot for me to recognise the abuse (very rarely physical), but I did and it took everything I had to end the relationship and become a single mum.

I have done so much work on myself over the past twelve months. I did the freedom programme, I got a promotion at work, I dated and had plenty of casual (safe!) sex too, until I could figure out exactly what I was looking for.

I'm now in the very early stages of a new relationship with a lovely man, and have just moved into my new home which I have bought by myself. He helped me to move in, and over the past few days has shown me exactly what a healthy relationship looks like. He has gone above and beyond and I am so grateful for it, but the thing that really brought it home was building the flat pack furniture together. Because unlike my ex, who would be telling me I was getting it all wrong, and be swearing and getting aggressive if he couldn't make sense of the instructions, my new DP was laughing at how he kept getting parts of it the wrong way round and kept saying "at least you know what you're doing babe!".

He has been so fucking supportive of everything I am doing, and I had a little tear in my eye after he left last night (he wanted to go before my DS got back from his dads because "this is your moment, yours and his, it's important it's just the two of you this evening") because of how great he has been.

I'm still being cautious and staying alert for any red flags that might emerge, but I am so happy right now!

(Also before anyone picks up on it, yes he has met my DS, he was introduced to him as a friend of mine who was helping us move because he is my support bubble and the only person i had to help me lift the bug heavy furniture, so they met briefly for about an hour).

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 10/01/2021 08:53

Happy for you! Brag away you deserve it!

Backbee · 10/01/2021 08:54

Happy for you OP, you should be so proud of yourself, none of what you have done is easy, and your DS' life will be so much better not living in an abusive household, as well as your own. New house sounds great, as does your new partner. Enjoy.

KatherineJaneway · 10/01/2021 08:56
Flowers
PuntasticUsername · 10/01/2021 08:56

This is wonderful to read. Good for you. All best wishes for the future.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/01/2021 09:00

This is brilliant! Enjoy it! There are good men out at there and it’s wonderful when you find one Flowers

Floatyboat · 10/01/2021 09:01

Sounds like an upgrade!

What furniture was it op? Did he get there in the end. Friendly incompetence might start to become less endearing with time.

OhioOhioOhio · 10/01/2021 09:02

Yes you can boast. I think you should stand on the roof tops. Really delighted for you op. How wonderful.

clarepetal · 10/01/2021 09:03

This is a lovely post. Totally put a smile on my face, you enjoy it.Smile

Jackblackcat · 10/01/2021 09:06

@Floatyboat haha I get that, but it was one of those canvas wardrobe cube unit things and the bits he was getting wrong (only a couple of times anyway) were the connectors. I was getting them wrong too, but when I noticed I was quietly just changing them - suppose I'm used to being told off!

OP posts:
ashmts · 10/01/2021 09:07

I'm pleased that you've moved on from an abusive relationship but I can't congratulate you on having 'plenty of casual sex' during a pandemic? Unless you're not in the UK and rules are different.

speakout · 10/01/2021 09:09

This is lovely- there are some amazing men out there.

OhioOhioOhio · 10/01/2021 09:14

speakout

Are there? Really?

NotMaryWhitehouse · 10/01/2021 09:15

@speakout

This is lovely- there are some amazing men out there.
There really are, I look at my own relationship compared to some of the ones people talk about on here and I feel SO lucky to have one of the very best. Good for you OP!
userxx · 10/01/2021 09:25

@ashmts

I'm pleased that you've moved on from an abusive relationship but I can't congratulate you on having 'plenty of casual sex' during a pandemic? Unless you're not in the UK and rules are different.

There's always one. The coronavirus board is that way 👉

Spanielmadness · 10/01/2021 09:27

My last partner was an abusive areshole and I was desperately unhappy, but it was hard to see clearly at the time so it took a while to get away.

I also dated and shagged a bit afterwards while my new DP (friend at the time) patiently waited for me to see the light.

He’s the kindest, funniest, most caring and generous person. He does everything he can to make my life easy and supports me wholeheartedly in everything I do. Brings me tea in bed every morning before he leaves for work, follows through on everything he says he will do and is buying us a bigger house to live in now I’ve moved in.
I tell myself every day how lucky I am.

Oh - and he’s in his 40’s, own home, good job and no kids, so they are out there! We’re getting married this summer :)

ashmts · 10/01/2021 09:37

@userxx Didn't realise government advice/legislation only applied to some of us. This is why we're in this mess ffs.

Dontjudgeme101 · 10/01/2021 09:38

Good for you. It’s lovely to hear positive stories about men.

icelollycraving · 10/01/2021 09:39

What an utterly lovely read! Congrats on your new home and your dp Flowers

NewYearsEveWedding · 10/01/2021 09:39

Congratulations OP - lovely to read. Best wishes!

Sethy38 · 10/01/2021 09:41

Sounds lovely
Can I just ask how new the relationship is?

userxx · 10/01/2021 09:44

This reply has been deleted

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Bluetrews25 · 10/01/2021 09:46

Aww OP, I've got something in my eye now!
Happy for you, long may it continue.

Sethy38 · 10/01/2021 09:49

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Parkandride · 10/01/2021 09:50

This is lovely, but you should be bragging about you, you were brave, worked hard, made things happen and looked for the right relationship- I'm giving you all of the credit!

And for the covid moaners maybe OP filled her boots January to March when shagging was allowed Hmm

Daisysflowers · 10/01/2021 09:52

Love this! Good luck for your futureFlowers