To do a not-so-humble-brag about new DP?

[Jackblackcat]

Ok bit of a trick question because I suppose this is more about me than him, but today marks one year since I finally kicked my abusive husband out. It took a lot for me to recognise the abuse (very rarely physical), but I did and it took everything I had to end the relationship and become a single mum.

I have done so much work on myself over the past twelve months. I did the freedom programme, I got a promotion at work, I dated and had plenty of casual (safe!) sex too, until I could figure out exactly what I was looking for.

I'm now in the very early stages of a new relationship with a lovely man, and have just moved into my new home which I have bought by myself. He helped me to move in, and over the past few days has shown me exactly what a healthy relationship looks like. He has gone above and beyond and I am so grateful for it, but the thing that really brought it home was building the flat pack furniture together. Because unlike my ex, who would be telling me I was getting it all wrong, and be swearing and getting aggressive if he couldn't make sense of the instructions, my new DP was laughing at how he kept getting parts of it the wrong way round and kept saying "at least you know what you're doing babe!".

He has been so fucking supportive of everything I am doing, and I had a little tear in my eye after he left last night (he wanted to go before my DS got back from his dads because "this is your moment, yours and his, it's important it's just the two of you this evening") because of how great he has been.

I'm still being cautious and staying alert for any red flags that might emerge, but I am so happy right now!

(Also before anyone picks up on it, yes he has met my DS, he was introduced to him as a friend of mine who was helping us move because he is my support bubble and the only person i had to help me lift the bug heavy furniture, so they met briefly for about an hour).

* And for the covid moaners maybe OP filled her boots January to March when shagging was allowed hmm*

July to November

I hope everything continues to work out and he continues to be a lovely man.

So happy for you op and it's given me hope for myself. My ex was/is an abusive arse but never violent. It was a more insidious form of abuse that left me mentally broken and not knowing which way is up.

I love the description of you both happily putting together flat pack furniture, that's the real test of a relationship! We bought my DD one of those Little Tikes Cosy Coupe cars for Christmas one year. I still remember the sadness and desperation I felt when the ex was putting it together while snapping and barking at me for every mistake HE made. I swear the man literally oozed misery and I still can't be around him for too long without feeling panicky.

Enjoy your new relationship, I wish good things for you and your ds

This is lovely. Congratulations!

Really not gunna get into a covid debate here.

My posting history also shows that I had coronavirus quite early on and had an antibody test. I know that's not to say I wouldnt have caught it again but I own the risks I took. With hindsight I would have been more cautious but my mental health was clearly not at it's best.

Lovely that OP has moved on - and good for her on that front - but I can’t disagree with the covid comments. Perhaps I lack the capacity for cognitive dissonance that most people on here seem to possess, but that sort of behaviour is literally why we’re now in this bloody mess. To those who honestly can’t see that... I despair.

He sounds like a nice man, you've achieved a lot in a year.
Take it slowly for DS it is still early days you don't really know him.

I’m cautiously very happy for you op.

I only say that because I also got into another relationship around a year after leaving an abusive ex. I thought I was stronger and smarter.

This guy was perfect, living, kind, supportive, never got angry. In fact almost too good to be true. I felt so lucky. Even after another 6 months when we moved in together he was a complete dream. No red flags that I could see.

Then I fell pregnant and he ‘had’ me. Then he started the way it always starts. Little put downs, verbal abuse under the guise of being stressed or drunk (funny how he could have a drink before without turning in to a bastard). My heart sank. I had a termination and got out if there.

Obviously I hope that is not the case for you! Just think we should always keep that little voice in our head.

Lovely post OP, thank you for sharing. I was in the same place as you a year ago. My lovely DP also helped me move house, and was an absolute star. I am still getting used to it. Sometimes he does something lovely (and, I'm told, totally normal to do for someone you care about!) and it catches me off guard, and I end up crying happy tears.

So glad you've found one of the good ones too.

This is a lovely post OP
Great to hear good news.

Ignore the moaners, it's AIBU so some PPs will find something to criticise. Meh you changed your tiny support bubble, when you needed to -If you isolated in between, ignore as long as not chop n changing regularly.

New DP sounds thoughtful, supportive and calm.

Best wishes, so lovely to read this

I dated and had plenty of casual (safe!) sex too, until I could figure out exactly what I was looking for.

While I am pleased for you, it doesn't sound like your busy casual sex life has not exactly been helping the country to fight the Covid pandemic.

I do hope that 'bubbling' with two different guys in four months doesn't mean what I think it probably means for your son...

And women always say 'I only introduced him as Mummy's friend.' when they bring a new man into their child's life too soon. It sounds like you were trying to persuade him to stay over so your son could see you as a couple, sharing a bed. Thankfully he seems to have a bit more sense than you.

Is he planning to move in with you ?

sorry, double negative in the second sentence. You get my drift.

Pleased for you op. You deserve to be happy of course you do.
However IRL please be mindful of the fact that there could be people going through exactly the samething as you went through.
Therefore I ask you not to brag IRL. It can be seen as rubbing salt in the wounds.

@ashmts

I'm pleased that you've moved on from an abusive relationship but I can't congratulate you on having 'plenty of casual sex' during a pandemic? Unless you're not in the UK and rules are different.

You do realise most parts of the country haven’t been in lockdown for 9.5 months. Ffs.

That’s lovely to hear op.

I had my first threesome during the pandemic

Gosh, you must be so proud.

Fuck's sake. What's the point?

Mumsnet
Is doing an advanced post and then referring to it actually stipulated as being against talk guidelines?

All I did was copy and paste

This is just a normal man. Don't fall into the trap of being so grateful for him being normal.

I love this. Just resolved an abusive relationship myself in April so really understand where you are coming from and I am very encouraged to read this.

Ignore the Covid police upthread.

You do realise most parts of the country haven’t been in lockdown for 9.5 months. Ffs.

Not full lockdown, no, but the requirement and the responsibility to socially distance has never gone away.

[quote ashmts]@userxx Didn't realise government advice/legislation only applied to some of us. This is why we're in this mess ffs.[/quote]
She has clearly said he is her support bubble so not justified.

Who had a three some? I missed that post. I have to side with the covid enforcers it is very unfair to ignore rules at the expense of other people.

Ignore the Covid police upthread.

I take it you are LOVING this latest economy wrecking, mental health wecking utter misery that is total lockdown mark 2 then?

What a fantastic post. Brilliant news and I’m sure it will give encouragement and hope to others in abusive relationships.

Even more credit for buying your own house and being independent rather than just moving in with him. 💐