To do a not-so-humble-brag about new DP?

[Jackblackcat]

Ok bit of a trick question because I suppose this is more about me than him, but today marks one year since I finally kicked my abusive husband out. It took a lot for me to recognise the abuse (very rarely physical), but I did and it took everything I had to end the relationship and become a single mum.

I have done so much work on myself over the past twelve months. I did the freedom programme, I got a promotion at work, I dated and had plenty of casual (safe!) sex too, until I could figure out exactly what I was looking for.

I'm now in the very early stages of a new relationship with a lovely man, and have just moved into my new home which I have bought by myself. He helped me to move in, and over the past few days has shown me exactly what a healthy relationship looks like. He has gone above and beyond and I am so grateful for it, but the thing that really brought it home was building the flat pack furniture together. Because unlike my ex, who would be telling me I was getting it all wrong, and be swearing and getting aggressive if he couldn't make sense of the instructions, my new DP was laughing at how he kept getting parts of it the wrong way round and kept saying "at least you know what you're doing babe!".

He has been so fucking supportive of everything I am doing, and I had a little tear in my eye after he left last night (he wanted to go before my DS got back from his dads because "this is your moment, yours and his, it's important it's just the two of you this evening") because of how great he has been.

I'm still being cautious and staying alert for any red flags that might emerge, but I am so happy right now!

(Also before anyone picks up on it, yes he has met my DS, he was introduced to him as a friend of mine who was helping us move because he is my support bubble and the only person i had to help me lift the bug heavy furniture, so they met briefly for about an hour).

@ashmts

I'm pleased that you've moved on from an abusive relationship but I can't congratulate you on having 'plenty of casual sex' during a pandemic? Unless you're not in the UK and rules are different.

Jeez there's always one.

last point there was a period during 2020 when retrcitions where lifted allowing contact so thats the pandemic row out the window

im away to eye up the stricly male dancers and dream of lockdown being over and world where a woman can decide what she can or cannot do with her own body!

Nanny0gg I don't think you are supposed to have in excess of 25 support bubbles over six months, most of which only last one night, do you?

When women post on here asking 'why did you have kids with him? Why didn't you see red flags?', it's probably because they were on here previously with inane proclamations about shagging around and finding an amazing man after 5 minutes and they get cheered on with idiotic messages like the one above.

FFS this place! SMH.

This site never disappoints. Also, having R back over the FT, it's unsurprising to see the Covid Police have already found it ...

@Nanny0gg probably not ,

we would have to get the test and trace people to look it up

unlees the three week period was between jan and march 2020

then there is no problem at all whatsover

tally ho as someone who is compleltly observing lockdown to the point of no return im away to see what the anne summers webiste has to offer and live in a solo bubble

Scroll past the judgemental Covid/sex posts,OP.

The main point Is you were strong enough to leave a dreadful relationship,you found out who you were and worked out what you deserved - and you found it.

Glad the Freedom programme worked for you - wish people focused on this.

Yes, I'm not a fan of breaking Lockdown rules but you weren't in lockdown and in a shop with 100s of others buying non essential items. AND anything Covid related detracts from your ability to extract yourself and your son from a horrendous situation

Early days. You don’t know the real him yet.

Go for it! Amazing men are out there (I bagged one myself after my marriage broke down). Always do look out for yourself but grab onto a good one, it's never the wrong time if it's right.

@Snufkins early days of the relationship but not the friendship. I do know the real him, he has been a close friend of mine for a couple of years now. Even his ex would tell you he's a great guy.

Not that close clearly, if he's only just met your son now you are dating him.

How many married women get to make 'close' single male friends? Was he your friend or your ex's friend?

oh sorry i read that as your ex would say he was a great guy.

OP I’m so glad to read that you are happy in your life right now but please be on your guard with this new man.

1. Because your DC has already had a lot of upheaval/been around abuse so you don’t want to put too much on them.
2. Because statistically women who have been abused often find themselves in other abusive relationships as certain men ‘prey’ on the vulnerable.

I am in no way saying this to put you off him and I think you should continue seeing him but do it at a very slow place and not move in together etc because no one is perfect so you need to see the other side of him first.

If someone acts perfect it’s because they’re being fake (which we all are at the beginning of a relationship).

Less interested in your new man more delighted for you about having had the bravery to get shot of an arsehole and set your whole life up from scratch with DS. Well done girl, you rock!
Let's hope new DP becomes the icing on the cake 👍😀

@Nanny0gg 25. Men. In. 4. Months. (Or three weeks, I can't work it out). HTH you, you rude person.

And to all the 'there's always one' bores, you're not original, there's more than me pointing out the OP's behaviour is irresponsible, and apart from anything I'm happy to be the one standing up for what's right anyway.

Maybe I should brag about my DP who stepped up in April to work in ICU with no crit care experience
@ashmts
You did. Just there.

Hope it all works out@Jackblackcat

[quote Jackblackcat]@Snufkins early days of the relationship but not the friendship. I do know the real him, he has been a close friend of mine for a couple of years now. Even his ex would tell you he's a great guy.[/quote]
I don’t think anyone’s saying he’s not a great guy (although the examples you gave didn’t show that he was one.) It’s your behaviour/decision-making/risk assessment/priorities that seem like cause for concern. You wouldn’t be getting these responses if you had posted, “AIBU to not-so-humble-brag that in the year since I kicked out my abusive ex, I’ve done the freedom programme, had a promotion at work, and yesterday I moved into the new house I’ve bought by myself for me and my son?” But you chose to frame it around how great your new boyfriend is.

i would like to point out to the people on here that are against the new relationship and are totally entitled to their opinion - becoming angry and judgemental to a survivor of domestic abuse is never good

if you do have genuine concerns regrding the new relationship have you considered offering supportive advice rather than attcking judgements

again the sisterhood of woman only exists if you fit into the womans institute guide to morals and roles of woman 2020

we are talking to a real woman with a real life and is seekng to celebrte the happiness in which she has found

and while i understand people may have reservations of the new partner

question ? why is the woman being judged and attacked rather than advised and supported ?

in answer to why is he only meeting the kid now i can only asssume the woman has displayed reposnibilty in protecting her child from meeting anyone too soon

is he a great guy or a bad guy - who knows what guy your going to end up with unless you spend 25 years getting to know them first and observing their every flaw

stop judging and start helping

agree or disagree just dont attack

Maybe get this moved to relationships @Jackblackcat, away from the covid police.

And whoever it was who went through OP’s previous posts to drag the figures about casual sex out to try and shame the OP... what disgusting behaviour on your part

Oh OP it might be because I'm all laid up in bed with Covid feeling very emotional but there are actual tears in my eyes for you.

I'm so so happy for you x

@Lady089 , I just had a look back.

What did you get out of that spiteful post ?

@leeobee because there’s a little boy in the middle of this for one . Bouncing from an abusive relationship into 25 men into a relationship in September into a relationship in November. I mean be single for a bit . Work on the damage to yourself and most likely ds too. Have a breather .
The op shouldn’t expect all sugar coated well dones because a lot of us can see it Or , have experienced this ourselves, and it’s dangerous to have the blinkers on and not see what you might be doing wrong repeatedly. She’s done amazing in many ways but has made some obviously damaged and unconsidered moves too last year.

@leeobee

i would like to point out to the people on here that are against the new relationship and are totally entitled to their opinion - becoming angry and judgemental to a survivor of domestic abuse is never good

if you do have genuine concerns regrding the new relationship have you considered offering supportive advice rather than attcking judgements

again the sisterhood of woman only exists if you fit into the womans institute guide to morals and roles of woman 2020

we are talking to a real woman with a real life and is seekng to celebrte the happiness in which she has found

and while i understand people may have reservations of the new partner

question ? why is the woman being judged and attacked rather than advised and supported ?

in answer to why is he only meeting the kid now i can only asssume the woman has displayed reposnibilty in protecting her child from meeting anyone too soon

is he a great guy or a bad guy - who knows what guy your going to end up with unless you spend 25 years getting to know them first and observing their every flaw

stop judging and start helping

agree or disagree just dont attack

If we all gave or took advice like yours we’d be in even more trouble than we already are.

@Goatscheesewithhoney that was me and it was actually about the activity in covid and meeting 25 different randoms , I’m not judging anyone on their sex life in general , I’m not one to judge on that . She also put that on a post about covid I happened to read before so she put the information out there . If you put information on here , you have to be willing to expect a response to it good or bad I’m afraid

@SparklyPixie - I’m confused about the covid rules element - we were rule of six here for ages so there would have been plenty of chance for dating since March, why are people convinced it was in against the rules?

You were still supposed to socially distance from anyone who wasn't in your household Goats