Meeting friends without children

[majormumma]

I’m the first of my friends to have kids, I had my first at 25 and pregnant with my second.
I have two best friends who both want children in the future.

When I see them at mine they don’t pay much attention to DS, of course I understand that maybe we don’t all love our friends kids but they do also wish to be referred to as aunties?

Next weekend I spoke about meeting one outdoors and she said “maybe just us two, without DS”

Comments like that just really get to me but I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones and me overreacting. I understand it’s nice to see friends without their kids and we do, we’ve done lots just us. Idk aibu to feel annoyed?

@NeilBuchananisBanksy that’s exactly what my friend is like! I’m sure she thinks I’m missing out as I don’t have DC so she brings hers so that I can have the experience. (I’m only half joking here)

@majormumma why can’t you leave your DS with your DH? Sorry if you said and I missed this.

Yes I saw my friend with child but obviously preferred with out. Now it’s just easier if someone wants to meet on say a Saturday and they can’t get childcare to say “DP is at work/busy that day so will have to bring baby otherwise I could do this date instead”.

Yeah I have two friends who’s kids are particularly annoying. So I organise adult meet ups. If they have childcare issues we rearrange till they don’t!

Maybe she wants to talk to you about some specific and needs all of your attention hence the heads up about not bringing little one along. Or that you are pregnant so not doubt would definitely have new born next time so wants to see just you for a last time before birth.

I was the first and it turns out the only one out of my close friends to have children. I was very careful not to talk about my kids as it became obvious that they were not interested. I used to fit in with their schedules and even though I moved an hour away I traveled to them for every meet up. In the end it got exhausting and ultimately very upsetting to feel that I could not talk about what was a huge part of my life. I tried so hard to not “bore” them with my family life that I forgot a good friend should work both ways.
They never asked about my kids, they never made allowances such needing to find a babysitter for last minute plans or when I told them it would be difficult for me to go away for a week, they never traveled to me and it was always their interests that had to be talked about.
I realised that I could not continue with the way things were and even though we still talk I distanced myself and got on with my life. It does make me sad but ultimately I’m not going to pretend my kids don’t exist for anyone.
We all have parts of our life that we enjoy and are proud of, be it our family, pets, work or hobby and a good friends should be able to talk about them to each other and share the limelight and even suffer perhaps a little bit of boring conversation.

If I meet a friend it's because I want to see her, not because I want to see her kids (or her dog!) A small baby is ok, they generally sleep, but a toddler is demanding.

Clearly childcare options are limited currently but a parent who won't leave their child with the other parent while they go out with a friend for an hour is being unreasonable.

I'm not that interested in my friends kids but I would never tell them not to bring their child on a walk confused, thats just rude and entitled disagree, it's perfectly fine to say you want to see your friend on her own. Adult time is important.

Next weekend I spoke about meeting one outdoors and she said “maybe just us two, without DS”

She probably got the advice to say that on a Mumsnet thread

(I'm kind of impressed someone has actually said it IRL though!)

If they're you're friends and want kids in the future it doesn't really make sense that they wouldn't want to be around your child especially if they're asking to be called aunties...
My friend has two little girls and I love going to play with them when I see her