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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours pissed off - AIBU?

269 replies

Pigtailsandall · 09/01/2021 08:20

Our local authority encourages asymptomatic testing, so before Christmas we ordered home testing kits, expecting to see DH's elderly parents. We got moved to tier 4 so there was no point in doing the test. We did nothing over Christmas, DH did a quick dash to the shops twice, I took our toddler to the playground on the 23rd and we got a few takeaway coffees from the local cafe. Other than that, we went for a daily walk either in the woods or small local park.
On the 27th DH complained headache but he had been up with DC at night who had been teething. Otherwise we were all healthy (and the headache passed during the day).
On New Year's Eve we decided to send off our Covid tests anyway as we had them lying around, and DC was due back in nursery on the 4th and I was due at work on the 3rd. After dropping them off, we went for a walk in the park and met a couple few doors down who have a DC same age. We kept a distance, chatted for about 10 minutes with the kids running around. Our tests came back in the 2nd and to our horror, DH tested positive. I and DC were both negative. We told the neighbours we met (also called the cafe we had visited) and the neighbours got furious with us. Absolutely fuming, they said we were irresponsible for being out after doing a Covid test and DH had been symptomatic (he hadn't). I get that they are stressed about getting Covid but if they are that concerned maybe they shouldn't go out at all as our contact was short and distanced, and I told them that because I was getting a bit fed up - their messages were coming through more and more irritated and frantic (DH was much more diplomatic)
AIBU for being annoyed at the neighbours? I tried to stay diplomatic but I felt they totally overreacted.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

HavfrueDenizKisi · 09/01/2021 09:19

You were totally fine OP. For those ranting that you had to isolate: they clearly cannot read and understand the correct info. You are asked to isolate of you have one or more of the three key symptoms- which your DH did not.

I've done 5 tests via the Covid Zoe app - all die to me reporting other things like a headache or sore throat and they've asked me to test. I do so because they need data - positive and negative. (So far they've all been negative). Of course I haven't had to isolate each time. Completely different if I presented with the key symptoms.

Your neighbours are losing the plot as are some posters here

Coffeeandcocopops · 09/01/2021 09:19

You took the test. The rules then say you isolate until you get the results. I too would be fuming with you for being a spreader.

IndecentFeminist · 09/01/2021 09:20

No, the rules don't say that. Not for routine asymptomatic testing. 😬🙄

HavfrueDenizKisi · 09/01/2021 09:20

@Coffeeandcocopops

You took the test. The rules then say you isolate until you get the results. I too would be fuming with you for being a spreader.

Not if you don't have any symptoms!!

How hard is that to bloody understand??

coldwaterfeed · 09/01/2021 09:20

the messages didn't stop and they got more frantic "we can't ask my parents to mind our child now, it's too risky, what should I do?‘

Sounds like they are loving the drama. Just ignore them now. Never apologise, never explain comes to mind.

QueenoftheAir · 09/01/2021 09:21

Aren't the guidelines to isolate if you've done a test and are waiting for the results? I can see why they'd be annoyed

This is what I was told as I left the walk-in NHS Test centre - they asked me to isolate until I got my results. I had results within 36 hours so no hardship to do so.

DHdweller · 09/01/2021 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

coldwaterfeed · 09/01/2021 09:21

@Coffeeandcocopops

You took the test. The rules then say you isolate until you get the results. I too would be fuming with you for being a spreader.

🙄

marsiettina · 09/01/2021 09:22

Too many people are panicking over nothing.
You or your family did not need to self isolate when you did the asymptotic test, as it is just a routine check.

Some posters are plain rude and cannot understand that just because there borough doesn’t do something, does not mean that others don’t.
I have the option to do asymptotic testing through my work in one borough and through my children’s schools in another borough. I do a weekly test for work and the guidelines clearly state that there is no need to self isolate while waiting for my results.

Nonamesavail · 09/01/2021 09:23

I agree with you. I've had loads of headaches thats nothing new. I've not tested because of having them!

IndecentFeminist · 09/01/2021 09:24

Can any of you actually read? This is routine asymptomatic testing. They took the tests purely because they were returning to work, with no expectation that they isolate due to none being symptomatic. This was not testing because they were ill.

A headache a few days before taking the test is not the same thing as having symptoms. I have a mild headache this morning, should I be resting and plunging the house into isolation? No. And even the govt and NHS apps and websites wouldn't suggest it necessary.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 09/01/2021 09:24

The replies on this test show the lack of understanding and the amount of misinformation.
You don't need to isolate if you have done s routine / asymptomatic test. Only if you've had a test following symptoms. However clearly a lot of people don't get that so your neighbours reaction is probably not unusual

ScrumptiousBears · 09/01/2021 09:27

I don't know why you posted Op because you won't accept you are in the wrong so why ask.

dontdisturbmenow · 09/01/2021 09:28

*I've done 5 tests via the Covid Zoe app - all die to me reporting other things like a headache or sore throat and they've asked me to test"
Really? I took a home test when I started coughing. Negative. A week later, it got worse and had a persistent headache so thought it better to test again. Tried to order another one and told not possible as had already done one.

I would have needed to go to a testing centre.

The issue here is that OP's husband was symptomatic. It might not be official but we know that many infected people with a headache. It might not be in the list to trigger but it is still a symptom, so he shouldn't have gone out.

Saracen · 09/01/2021 09:30

I think the right thing to do - and the way to try to preserve a good relationship - is to ignore any anger/blaming from the neighbours now, and focus on their fears.

So I wouldn't offer up any more apologies now that you have apologised once, which is once more than you really needed to. You know you didn't do anything wrong. But you also know they are feeling panicked about the possibility of having caught Covid as well as how they are going to manage work/childcare. (I guess the reference to grandparents is that they are WFM and thinking they have to keep their child off childcare because of having been 2m away from someone who was Covid-positive? I didn't follow that.) Can you switch to concerned/empathetic mode now instead, and let any of their annoyance roll off your back? Should be relatively easy to do in a text conversation, if you take your time about it.

SycamoreGap · 09/01/2021 09:31

I cannot believe how many people do not understand the difference between the tests.

You are not unreasonable.

AnneElliott · 09/01/2021 09:31

I think they are over reacting. I guess it depends on what you said to them about your DH having symptoms. If you've suggested he did have the 3 main symptoms or not been specific about it being a headache, I can see why they are annoyed.

I'd be explicit that it was asymptomatic test sen d them the guidance and then not reply any further.

hedgehogger1 · 09/01/2021 09:31

I'm a teacher and was doing the Zoe study. At various times I was asked to do tests for headaches. I still went to work as I didn't have any of the main symptoms. I don't think the school or parents would be pleased if a teacher isolated every time they had a headache

Ideasplease322 · 09/01/2021 09:32

It’s maybe how you communicated it. You must have mentioned the symptom.

Saying they should never go out isn’t the answer.

I would try once more explaining it was a routine test not triggered by the headache. But why on earth did you tell them about the headache.

thisismyusername21 · 09/01/2021 09:33

If you are doing routine tests with no symptoms I’m pretty sure you don’t have to isolate, same as those who work in healthcare who are regularly tested and have no symptoms. You don’t have to isolate with no symptoms.

If your husband did just have a headache he had no reason to think it was covid. I’m aware that headaches can be a sign but if I took a test every time I had a headache I just as well camp out at the test centre!

I can understand your neighbours concern of course. I’m very anxious about the virus as most people are but I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 09/01/2021 09:34

I think you were a bit silly to share your husbands headache with them really. It's not a key symptom and it wouldn't be cause for a test.

People are really uninformed about some tests my DC local authority asked all school children to test just after the end of term and just before the beginning (obviously this was prior to lockdown and prior to even the tier 4 schools shutting). So duly I ordered the kits tested and returned ( both negative both times) there were absolutely no symptoms in the house at all. DP has the lateral flow several times a week when working ( he delivers a specific kind of required training in hospitals ). All negative.

When I went to the priority posting box with the two boxes in my hand...given they are really obvious what they are. I posted them then turned towards a shop and promptly got told by a woman who must have been eagle eyed that I should go home if we had covid.

People are scared and react badly
Half this thread has just read the words test and panicked and been too afraid to read properly

Haggertyjane · 09/01/2021 09:39

They were unreasonable, but everyone is scared.

Atalune · 09/01/2021 09:39

If he didn’t have the headache you wouldn’t have tested.

So on that basis I think you were dumb to mention that to the neighbours.

I think they have overreacted but you shouldn’t have mentioned the headache.

saraclara · 09/01/2021 09:42

@Coffeeandcocopops

You took the test. The rules then say you isolate until you get the results. I too would be fuming with you for being a spreader.

Read the thread. The rules for asymptomatic testing are entirely different. There is NO requirement to isolate. My daughter has to take them three times a week. She'd never be at work if she isolated after each one.

supersonicginandtonic · 09/01/2021 09:43

Why are people not getting it! You do not need to isolate if you are doing a symptomatic testing. We are doing them twice per week at my workplace.

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