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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband upset over a glass of water

196 replies

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 07:58

I am currently a SAHM with my 3 year old daughter. I cook, clean and keep obviously take care of my daughter. I am 5 months pregnant too.
My husband has been helping out a bit more due to the pregnancy but has no idea how to cook and will not step foot in the kitchen. Which doesnt really bother me too much as he works full time in a stressful role.
However, when bringing my food from the kitchen I tend to let him get his own food and water. Now many times he has drank my water when iv got up to get something and its completely pissed me off as i have to get up again and tbh i just want to sit as my back gets sore standing in kitchen cooking whilst pregnant. Anyway iv said nicely like cant u just get ur own water?

Now ydy we got a takeout and I got my water and we started eating. He grabbed my cup and drank many gulps. And i was pissed off. I said are you for real?? And hes like what? I just took a few sips and i was like u get up now and fill me a glass of water and bring it here. He did it. But he came back angry shouting saying why cant u just get me a glass of water when u get urs and he said u just wait and see after ur pregnancy i am doing nothing for u. Ul see it coming. And all these threats.
I burst into tears and i was like u fkn bstrd i hate you ur a dk and i just couldnt stop swearing at him and crying. I told him i wont live with threatning behaviour and il leave him for someone who is kinder to me. And i took myself away.
I think he felt bad as he came to bed and hugged me but im just so angry with him.

OP posts:

Carysmatthews · 09/01/2021 14:24

@DameFanny

Is his 'stressful job' in the police by any chance?

Why are you asking that?

Hesma · 09/01/2021 14:25

It's a glass of water... your hormones are being ridiculous! Just make him refill it or bring one out for both of you

Veterinari · 09/01/2021 14:30

Does this peach of a man make any contribution to housework or parenting or is he straight from the 1950s?

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 14:31

My daughter was sleeping when this happened.
Well if just hope when I cant cook he will support me like he did last time. I have a good network around me who will bring food without me asking for it esp my Mum and family friends . So in not too worried. But when i was recovering last time he bought loads of pre marinated meats and put them in the oven and packed the freezer with readymeals. I dont think hes a bad person but the water thing has drained me out tbh.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 09/01/2021 14:34

What a selfish prick! Obviously by drinking your water he's trying to make a point!

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 14:40

He does other chores its just the kitchen ones he wont do.
And yes he was making a point as I know it bugs him deep down. But he thought id b ok and mayb not make too much of a fuss like I have been doing for the past month just tolerating it!

OP posts:

Glitterblue · 09/01/2021 14:52

It seems to be a lot of fuss over nothing. I can't imagine bringing myself a glass of water and not one for my husband but then again, in our house, I'll set the table, call the other through, DD will carry her plate, DH either takes ours and I sort the drinks for all of us, or vice versa. Sometimes we also have a jug on the table.

Catty1720 · 09/01/2021 15:01

Some people just don’t cook but he helps you in other ways @Lullaby88 no one is perfect you seem in your posts to be seeing it more rationally now. Sit him down and talk things through then if his comments and behaviour don't change then you will have to think thing through.

HikeForward · 09/01/2021 15:21

I agree with working through the issues rather than leaving. I am 5 months pregnant and want him to be there and give my marriage a chance. All I asked on this thread was if I was being unreasonable and people are telling me to leave him because he is abusive. My mind is blown!

Don’t worry OP, threads on AIBU often go this way. I once posted about a row I’d had with DH and had 100s of posts telling me he was abusive, leave him, his behaviour is terrible and will get worse etc... many years later we’re still happily married!

Your DH was stressed from work, he said hurtful things he shouldn’t have (uh, don’t we all sometimes? I’ve said nasty things to my DH that I didn’t mean when I was overtired or hungry or hormonal!) He hugged you in bed. Hopefully he’s apologised by now.

In future I’d just put his water on the table with yours and insist he takes turns getting the water cups eg he gets the water while you bring the food.

billy1966 · 09/01/2021 15:52

@Lullaby88

I am currently a SAHM with my 3 year old daughter. I cook, clean and keep obviously take care of my daughter. I am 5 months pregnant too. My husband has been helping out a bit more due to the pregnancy but has no idea how to cook and will not step foot in the kitchen. Which doesnt really bother me too much as he works full time in a stressful role. However, when bringing my food from the kitchen I tend to let him get his own food and water. Now many times he has drank my water when iv got up to get something and its completely pissed me off as i have to get up again and tbh i just want to sit as my back gets sore standing in kitchen cooking whilst pregnant. Anyway iv said nicely like cant u just get ur own water?

OP, Your post states that he was angry with you, his pregnant wife, for not getting him water.

You say your back is sore from cooking and he refuses to do anything in the kitchen.

Angry and shouting and making threats about after you give birth and not the first time......all because his pregnant wife with a sore back didn't get him water AFTER cooking him a meal.

By all means be surprised that others do NOT think he is a prize.

You are his emotional punching bag.

I am glad to read you have support and your mum around you.

I have no doubt you are going to need it if you all him to treat you this way.

LouJ85 · 09/01/2021 15:53

All I *asked on this thread was if I was being unreasonable and people are telling me to leave him because he is abusive. My mind is blown!
*
My mind is often blown on these threads for a similar reason, OP. You're not alone!

LouJ85 · 09/01/2021 15:56

Some people just don’t cook but he helps you in other ways

Yep. I don't cook in our house, DP does (mostly), but I contribute in many other ways. Are people going to be outraged at me, too? A woman who openly admits to not cooking much because DP enjoys it more and is better at it? 🤔

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 09/01/2021 16:00

and il leave him for someone who is kinder to me.

You do know that you could just leave and be independent, you don't have to wait for a shiny white knight to rescue you?

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 16:08

Very true LouJ85.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 16:10

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

and il leave him for someone who is kinder to me.

You do know that you could just leave and be independent, you don't have to wait for a shiny white knight to rescue you?

I said that in anger and yes I do realise that being independent would be an option if I was unhappy in this marriage. And would be a better option straight after a divorce actually. I wouldnt be jumping from man to man for comfort no way!

OP posts:

Wheresmykimchi · 09/01/2021 16:39

Neither of you come across well here OP. It's clearly not really about the water.

yvanka · 09/01/2021 16:42

I think things like this need to be nipped in the bud in a jokey way as soon as you realise that they're actually bothering you, otherwise they turn into massive pools of resentment as has happened here.

When he's leaving the kitchen with his plate, just say "don't forget your drink! I'm not sharing today" and he will then pour himself some.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/01/2021 18:44

@Lullaby88

My daughter was sleeping when this happened. Well if just hope when I cant cook he will support me like he did last time. I have a good network around me who will bring food without me asking for it esp my Mum and family friends . So in not too worried. But when i was recovering last time he bought loads of pre marinated meats and put them in the oven and packed the freezer with readymeals. I dont think hes a bad person but the water thing has drained me out tbh.

and what will your daughter be eating? What happens if, god forbid, you get stuck in hospital for months? I wouldn't wish that on anyone but if want to know my OH was capable of looking after my child. I suggest you spend the next few minutes teaching him the things he can't be arsed to do

She might have missed it this time but you need to sort out your marriage before you condition her to expect this kind of shouting, swearing and threats as part of a loving marriage.

GabsAlot · 09/01/2021 18:57

shouldnt be up to yur mum or family to bring you food when you have a husband

category12 · 10/01/2021 12:22

@GabsAlot

shouldnt be up to yur mum or family to bring you food when you have a husband

This ^

Bloody ridiculous that family have to step in because he can't be arsed to do some simple cooking.

Spidey66 · 10/01/2021 14:10

I think he was an arse, but I also think you were too for not offering him a glass of water when you were getting yourself one. So six of one and half a dozen of anothrrr

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