Husband upset over a glass of water

[Lullaby88]

I am currently a SAHM with my 3 year old daughter. I cook, clean and keep obviously take care of my daughter. I am 5 months pregnant too.
My husband has been helping out a bit more due to the pregnancy but has no idea how to cook and will not step foot in the kitchen. Which doesnt really bother me too much as he works full time in a stressful role.
However, when bringing my food from the kitchen I tend to let him get his own food and water. Now many times he has drank my water when iv got up to get something and its completely pissed me off as i have to get up again and tbh i just want to sit as my back gets sore standing in kitchen cooking whilst pregnant. Anyway iv said nicely like cant u just get ur own water?

Now ydy we got a takeout and I got my water and we started eating. He grabbed my cup and drank many gulps. And i was pissed off. I said are you for real?? And hes like what? I just took a few sips and i was like u get up now and fill me a glass of water and bring it here. He did it. But he came back angry shouting saying why cant u just get me a glass of water when u get urs and he said u just wait and see after ur pregnancy i am doing nothing for u. Ul see it coming. And all these threats.
I burst into tears and i was like u fkn bstrd i hate you ur a dk and i just couldnt stop swearing at him and crying. I told him i wont live with threatning behaviour and il leave him for someone who is kinder to me. And i took myself away.
I think he felt bad as he came to bed and hugged me but im just so angry with him.

What a horrible man.

He sounds horrible. He is an adult, he should be perfectly capable of getting his own glass of water. Better still, he could lay the table and put out drinks for you both whilst you cook.

This superior, entitled attitude really annoys me. You are not his cook and waitress.
Does he snap his fingers for waiters in restaurants?(lighthearted)
It so clearly demonstrates that your purpose in life is to do the tasks that make his life comfortable.
I hope he bucks his ideas up.

I couldn't live and provide for somebody who wouldn't even get me a glass of water. You are on thin ice I'd say. Your husband sounds totally fed up.
Unbelievable. OP has cooked his meal and done every other bloody thing, and he can’t be expected to carry his own food and water through?
Either he is deliberately only fetching his plate to make a point or he is sitting on his arse expecting full table service as well as cook.
He’s a knob in normal times, let alone when his wife is pregnant and struggling.

If I was getting a drink, I would get one for the other person (or ask if they want one) particularly if we were both were having the same drink.

There is just me and my 14 yo so we usually get our own drinks as we don't always have one with a meal.

Him drinking from your glass is not on.

Even if he can't cook (and he really needs to make an effort and learn), he could help in other ways like setting the table, getting drinks.

Where is your other child when all this is happening? Don't they eat at the same time? Does he help with their food?

You were not put on this earth to serve him and the sooner he gets the hang of this the better. If he is young and was waited on by his mum it may just be habit that he expects this. I am not sure how you have been together this long though (long enough to be having a second child) and haven't yet addressed this! Why don't you make an effort with his family? This all seems a bit odd tbh.

drink before your meal & stop bringing a drink to the table.

Purely based on your initial post, you're being unreasonable.

You got up to get yourself a drink and didn't get him one, despite the fact you know that he drinks from your glass normally and that pisses you off.

Forget for a minute about you cooking and him not (it sounds like you're actually happy with this as he works full time and you're SAHM) then the issue is that you are getting yourself a drink and not him.

I mean credit to you because I couldn't be a SAHM but I work full time. DH normally puts baby to bed and I make dinner. I would get him a glass of water if I was getting myself one.

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and examine the real issues in your relationship.

When I do tea, my husband generally sorts the drinks. We wouldn’t dream of just getting our own water. It’s selfish just to get your own, especially if you know he’ll drink it.
As for his behaviour towards you after the takeaway, he sounds awful.
It sounds like you have zero respect or love for each other. You’ve both been as vile to each other really and it doesn’t bode well for your future. Ultimately it’s your poor children who will suffer listen to what all these rows, swearing and what sounds like general dislike of each other.

I would always get the food and water if I was already getting my own and my husband would do the same BUT your husband sound like a dick so YANBU.

Watergate PII:
Revenge of the Knob

So you your children have a father who is unable to do basic care and parenting if anything happens to you in addition to him generally being an entitled arse?

Forget for a minute about you cooking and him not (it sounds like you're actually happy with this as he works full time and you're SAHM) then the issue is that you are getting yourself a drink and not him.

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and examine the real issues in your relationship.

Exactly.

You’re only twenty something, why are your standards so low?

Do you want to be still running around after him, cleaning and cooking his meals when he’s retired and sits reading the paper/watching tv, ignoring you, like a couple in their 80’s might do?

You’re both in your twenties and he needs to learn to grow up and pull his weight at home, cooking, tidying and being a proper ‘partner’ not some 50’s throwback. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't understand these men that 'can't cook'. it's all bullshit. I'm sure they all managed to feed themelves after they moved out of their parents house and before they moved in with their partners/wives.

@Viviennemary

I couldn't live and provide for somebody who wouldn't even get me a glass of water. You are on thin ice I'd say. Your husband sounds totally fed up.

Yay the handmaidens are here!

Time to start getting him to step up. At weekends take yourself off to bed and leave him to parent for a few hours. And tell him he needs to learn to cook some basic meals. Its not rocket science and there are lots of good cookbooks for beginners. He views cooking, and waiting on him hand and foot as wife work. Time to start cutting back on the wife work. He needs to be doing more for you as you are pg. Time to make it more equal otherwise you will be waiting on 3 children soon

@Lullaby88

I will take them ideas on board. There is more to this and its feelings of resentment ofcourse, it is a bit childish I admit we are in our 20s and still growing I guess. I dont want to break up with him, he has a nice side to him. Its just he can be very irritable and try and take advantage if i dont stick up for myself. If i was to stay in hospital then he would buy meals. He wont cook. Happened with my first child which is ok as he bought meals for me and our parents supported us too.

He is a husband and father.

He needs to grow up.

Whether or not you need to stick around while he does is another matter.

He doesn’t sound nice at all.
But for what it’s worth, in my house we get drinks for each other if we are getting one for ourselves.

@YouBeYou

Purely based on your initial post, you're being unreasonable.

You got up to get yourself a drink and didn't get him one, despite the fact you know that he drinks from your glass normally and that pisses you off.

Forget for a minute about you cooking and him not (it sounds like you're actually happy with this as he works full time and you're SAHM) then the issue is that you are getting yourself a drink and not him.

I mean credit to you because I couldn't be a SAHM but I work full time. DH normally puts baby to bed and I make dinner. I would get him a glass of water if I was getting myself one.

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and examine the real issues in your relationship.

God forbid she should sit down to eat when she's just cooked the dinner - her being pregnant and all...

Why isn't he laying the table, getting the drinks etc?

That's what normal families do

Another couple of questions @Lullaby88 -whose decision was it for you to give up work when you had your first? Did you feel you would have been able to carry on working if that's what you'd wanted? Would childcare have been paid for by both of you?

And do you have equal access to spending money with your H?

This isn’t about a glass of water.

He expects you to get him a glass of water and when you don’t turns it so he’s the poor put upon person and you’re being unreasonable (“Why can’t you just get me one when you get yours?”). Does he ever expect to get you one? If not, then he thinks you should be doing things for him without having to reciprocate. He is completely selfish.

You are pregnant and in pain and he’s not doing things to help with that. He should be carrying your plate etc through for you when you’re sore.

Taking your water is downright rude. Telling you when you’ve done a special trip to get him a glass of water that he doesn’t like that glass is just immature and controlling.

He told you that he’s not going to do anything to “help you” when the baby arrives. Think about that. 1) he thinks anything to do with children is your job 2) he sees parenting as helping out ie being a dad involves going out to work and maybe going for a walk at the weekend 3) he will expect praise and thanks if he does anything with the children because he’s gone out of his way to do something that isn’t his job. He is completely selfish.

How much does he do at the moment with your DC/housework?

You both need to learn how to have reasonable conversations about these things without it resulting it shouting and swearing. It is possible to change how you communicate but you’ve both got to commit to it (otherwise one of you will always be wrong footed as the other refuses to behave reasonably. You’ll be there keeping your temper and he’ll be shouting and telling you you’re an awful person which will just destroy your relationship). It’s not a good environment to have young children in. Throwing threats about doesn’t really achieve anything other cause hurt and resentment.

@YouBeYou

Purely based on your initial post, you're being unreasonable.

You got up to get yourself a drink and didn't get him one, despite the fact you know that he drinks from your glass normally and that pisses you off.

Forget for a minute about you cooking and him not (it sounds like you're actually happy with this as he works full time and you're SAHM) then the issue is that you are getting yourself a drink and not him.

I mean credit to you because I couldn't be a SAHM but I work full time. DH normally puts baby to bed and I make dinner. I would get him a glass of water if I was getting myself one.

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and examine the real issues in your relationship.

Would you get him a glass of water if your hands were already full and he was by the tap anyway @YouBeYou?

@Somebodyotherthanme

So your dh does help out more as you are pregnant. You don't really mind that he can't cook as he works full time in a stressful job, he'll bring in a takeaway so you don't have to cook but you can't get your head around bringing him a glass of water when you're getting one. Aye, he sounds dreadful.

How big of him to 'help'

How about he actually 'does' something instead of waiting to be served?

Did he marry you so he wouldn't starve to death in his own filth because he's incapable of basic self care?

I'm sorry, I know this is a terribly sad thread, but that line made me laugh and laugh.

He sounds horrible, entitled and abusive.

Can’t believe anyone is defending him- these will he people who haven’t lived with a truly nasty man and can’t use their imagination.

Of course he should get his own drink! He should be getting you one too - whenever you want! You’re pregnant with his child and he should be nurturing you. Isn’t he lucky to get to have children not only without all the discomfort of pregnancy, but without lifting a finger for them once they’re born! And having some sort of servant in the mother of his kids!

I think there was some confusion at the beginning of this thread because people didn’t get that you carry you food and drinks with the food on plates into a different room.
And therefore it’s one hand for plate and one for drink, saving two trips! It’s likely running about after children otherwise.

Pregnant and bf women get incredibly thirsty and keeping drink from you is just horrible. Glugging down your drink in front of you is awful.

My exh used to do this in cafes when we were younger (before we were married - early warning sign or just that we were poor?£- say he didn’t want a drink and then proceed to drink half of mine in big gulps. I used to have to be really clear with him - this is exactly the amount of drink I want - i won’t be sharing it - the people working there must have thought I was awful!