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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband upset over a glass of water

196 replies

Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 07:58

I am currently a SAHM with my 3 year old daughter. I cook, clean and keep obviously take care of my daughter. I am 5 months pregnant too.
My husband has been helping out a bit more due to the pregnancy but has no idea how to cook and will not step foot in the kitchen. Which doesnt really bother me too much as he works full time in a stressful role.
However, when bringing my food from the kitchen I tend to let him get his own food and water. Now many times he has drank my water when iv got up to get something and its completely pissed me off as i have to get up again and tbh i just want to sit as my back gets sore standing in kitchen cooking whilst pregnant. Anyway iv said nicely like cant u just get ur own water?

Now ydy we got a takeout and I got my water and we started eating. He grabbed my cup and drank many gulps. And i was pissed off. I said are you for real?? And hes like what? I just took a few sips and i was like u get up now and fill me a glass of water and bring it here. He did it. But he came back angry shouting saying why cant u just get me a glass of water when u get urs and he said u just wait and see after ur pregnancy i am doing nothing for u. Ul see it coming. And all these threats.
I burst into tears and i was like u fkn bstrd i hate you ur a dk and i just couldnt stop swearing at him and crying. I told him i wont live with threatning behaviour and il leave him for someone who is kinder to me. And i took myself away.
I think he felt bad as he came to bed and hugged me but im just so angry with him.

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 09/01/2021 09:04

One of us brings the plates, the other brings the drinks...So neither of you brings anything but your own plate/drink? We just help each other....🤷🏼‍♀️

Moomum123 · 09/01/2021 09:05

Maybe you both need to sit down with a coffee and talk about stuff, explain how you’re feeling before it builds up, and give him a chance to respond before it escalates - communication really is key. You could point out he’s setting an example to his daughter- does he want her to expect to wait hand and foot on a partner in future, or would he leave her thirsty and not give a 3 year old a drink?

SmellyPooHead · 09/01/2021 09:05

It sounds like both of you are equally rude to each other. You both need to show some consideration

kirktonhouse · 09/01/2021 09:06

@ivfbeenbusy

In his defence you get yourself water to Have with dinner - you know he drinks yours - just take a glass with your? Really not hard is it? I think you are massively over reacting 🤷‍♀️
So she has to take an extra trip back to the kitchen to get his because he can't be bothered to get his own?

What else should she do, wipe his arse? Tie his shoelaces? Cut up his food?

He has no 'defence' unless he only has one hand and is unable to carry a plate and a glass at the same time in the way that the OP does.

GloGirl · 09/01/2021 09:06

@Lullaby88

Also once i got him his water and he actually said I dont like that glass and swapped with mine. Hence the irritation has built even more. Like it sounds so petty but really?
Well that settles it, he's a complete cunt.

I do the same thing by the way of dishing up and carrying only my drink and food. I will mostly make my husband a drink and leave it next to his plate though. If it was your husband I would make sure it was filled with toilet water tho.

HannaYeah · 09/01/2021 09:07

This is petty on both sides.

I get it completely, but you both need to work on being nicer to each other.

Also, absolutely not ok for you to call him names and curse at him. It’s abusive.

Original poster
Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 09:07

I will take them ideas on board. There is more to this and its feelings of resentment ofcourse, it is a bit childish I admit we are in our 20s and still growing I guess. I dont want to break up with him, he has a nice side to him. Its just he can be very irritable and try and take advantage if i dont stick up for myself.
If i was to stay in hospital then he would buy meals. He wont cook. Happened with my first child which is ok as he bought meals for me and our parents supported us too.

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 09/01/2021 09:09

Yeah, because their is absolutely no middle ground between bringing someone a drink and cutting up his food or tying his shoelaces.....🙄

Moondust001 · 09/01/2021 09:10

To be honest, you both need to grow up. You are both shouting, swearing and threatening each other over a glass of water. When something trivial is mildly annoying, then find a solution straight away. That goes for both of you. Don't blow it up into a major declaration of war.

FairyontopofthetreeBatman · 09/01/2021 09:13

If it’s really about the water then surely if each person is picking up their plate and glass he can get his own. You could either do two glasses of water and remind him to pick one up, or ask him to fill two glasses with water whilst you are plating up. Every time.

Sounds to me like it’s a symptom of something bigger though.

Daisysflowers · 09/01/2021 09:13

This would annoy me he is grown man!

My 10 year old gets given a glass of water at dinner if he wants more then he happily gets up and does one himself, he even offers me another drink before he goes to the kitchen!

Also someone taking gulps of my drinks actually repulses me!Envy

DameFanny · 09/01/2021 09:14

Is his 'stressful job' in the police by any chance?

Seasaltyhair · 09/01/2021 09:14

OP if your honest this will be just a tiny sliver of a much bigger problem. I’m willing to bet there are many many other examples of your partners lazy entitlement. Look at the bigger picture.

Ragwort · 09/01/2021 09:15

You both sound very immature... and yet again, another Mumsnetter with a dick head of a partner but expecting a second child.

Biffbaff · 09/01/2021 09:16

Honestly, it is pathetic when men can't cook. Full time job is no excuse, that's only one third of a day and as you well know, parenting is a 24 hour job and you still manage it.

It's even more pathetic when they can't even get their own glass of water! Stealing one from his pregnant wife - that's unbelievable.

Clearly he doesn't want to be responsible for himself so it's up to you to be responsible for yourself and draw the line as to how much you're willing to put up with.

JudyGemstone · 09/01/2021 09:17

My teenagers do this, one gets herself a drink at dinner and the other one drinks it - squabbling ensues. It's very tiresome.

Tell him to get his own.

longwayoff · 09/01/2021 09:18

Buy a jug. Fill it. Use it.

JillofTrades · 09/01/2021 09:19

This is such toxic behaviour from both of you. Yes its much bigger than this, but this was triggered by a glass of water. Do you think your DC deserved to be raised in an environment where it gets so ugly and toxic from both of you.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 09/01/2021 09:22

Why are people blaming the op here? He's treating his pregnant wife like a maid.

Stop cooking for him op. Look after yourself.

Original poster
Lullaby88 · 09/01/2021 09:22

He works in public services yes. Dont want to disclose his occupation tho. But he does have a lot to deal with. Hence i make up excuses for him but i think i need to draw a line.

OP posts:
Dashel · 09/01/2021 09:23

If my DH couldn’t or wouldn’t cook I wouldn’t indefinitely put up with thatnless he more than pulled his weight in every other aspect. When you are in retirement does he expect to be taken care of and not to equally split chores at this point?

I think it sounds like you and him need to work through your issues before you have a toddler and infant and you are even more tired and sleep deprived.

Get some online couples counselling and talk things through or it’s going to get worse.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 09/01/2021 09:24

Does he cook for your other child op if you aren't there?

He sounds horrible.

Eckhart · 09/01/2021 09:25

@Lullaby88

Do you genuinely think that the glass of water is the issue, or do you understand that when you write about your partner and the father of your children, if you use the word 'threatening', there is a bigger issue?

Etinox · 09/01/2021 09:27

Haven’t RTFT but if he’s still contrite after last night this is the time to stop the no kitchen nonsense.

DameFanny · 09/01/2021 09:28

@Lullaby88

He works in public services yes. Dont want to disclose his occupation tho. But he does have a lot to deal with. Hence i make up excuses for him but i think i need to draw a line.
Bet you many dollars you'll find half a dozen women in Mumsnet doing the exact same job while looking after both themselves and a family.

If he'd die of malnutrition if he was living alone that's not a reflection on the day job, but his personal failing as an adult.

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