Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to have been so angry at my Mum

154 replies

CoolNoMore · 08/01/2021 22:54

DH, DS1, DS2 and I are all living with my parents at the moment. They are generally amazing, very involved with the kids and my Dad has an excellent habit of doing all the washing up before anyone realises there is any. DS2 is a challenging 6 month old so I really do appreciate all their help.

However, my Mum is a dumbass sometimes. She gets overexcited about things and overlooks basic safety. Example: handing my 3 year old a blow torch. The torch was off and the safety catch was on, but surely I'm not the only person in the world to think that kids and blowtorches should be kept apart?!

Anyway. My parents arrived back from a walk with DS2 today, very excited and proud of themselves. He had been fussy, as usual, but today they decided to fix that by sitting him up in the bassinet, hood partially down so he could see out. He was at the far end of the bassinet, facing whoever was pushing. It's a tired old bugaboo, so although it's quite deep, the bassinet tips a little if weighted at either end.

I will readily admit that I'm an emotional, sleep-deprived hormone monster, but he looked like a small bump or an over-excited dog could have easily knocked him out. DH didn't see so is reserving judgement, but reckons that if I think it's unsafe that should be the end of the discussion.

I have never seen anyone propping up a wobbly six-month-old in a bassinet, except possibly in cartoons. When I furiously expressed my fears for DS2, my Mum was defensive and dismissive. She agreed not to do it again, but only because she recognises that the decision is mine to make, not because she thinks it's dangerous in any way. This makes it difficult to trust her judgement.

YABU: She managed to raise two kids, she knows what she's doing/ I'd have done the same thing
YANBU: That was really stupid and dangerous

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 08/01/2021 22:59

I don't really know what a bassinet is,but surely your mum, like you say, has already raised 2 kids - concerned maybe, but not angry

Dollywilde · 08/01/2021 22:59

I have a 5 month old who can sit when wedged but isn’t a reliable sitter-upper. Personally I wouldn’t do this and I agree it’s your call to make BUT I don’t think it’s particularly dangerous. A jumpy dog would be a problem even if baby was laid down and if he was that unsteady I assume they’d have kept to a smooth path. And the bassinets of prams are so deep that unless DS is freakishly tall he’d likely fall ‘in’ not out.

I’m a sleep deprived PFB mum so I can totally see where you’re coming from but I’m with your mum - your call to make and I wouldn’t do it myself but I wouldn’t consider it especially dangerous.

CoolNoMore · 08/01/2021 23:05

@Macncheeseballs it's just the pram bed bit, but it comes off (hence why it's a bit rickety).

Uh oh, it's not looking good for me... I think I'll be having humble pie for breakfast

OP posts:
wizzywig · 08/01/2021 23:07

You're living under your parents roof? And calling your mum a 'dumbass'? Why don't you get your own place?

Concestor · 08/01/2021 23:09

That's how children always used to be day in prams once they could sit and i did it with mine as well, they loved being able to look around but could still be laid down if they got tired. Sorry but YABU and should apologise to your mum

Forgetaboutme · 08/01/2021 23:09

I think you're being unreasonable. Only because I remember my mum doing this exact same thing with my eldest. Maybe ours was safer but I dont remember thinking it looked particularly dangerous. My son was happy and comfortable. Obviously I havent seen you bassinet so it could depend on that.

thistimelastweek · 08/01/2021 23:11

Your mum loves you. She loves your babies.
Do you really think she would put any of you at risk?

Brefugee · 08/01/2021 23:11

You also need to help out more with the washing up, tbh...

Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails · 08/01/2021 23:11

Yabu. Sorry Thanks

Blowtorch... meh. Not on and the safety catch was on. Unless they were left completely unsupervised?

Baby in the pram.. not ideal I guess but I'm assuming it did the trick as you haven't said otherwise!

Forgetaboutme · 08/01/2021 23:12

BTW don't be too hard on yourself. Sleep deprivation is horrible. But also try to be nice to your parents. They sound amazing!

Anon6543 · 08/01/2021 23:13

Its hard to picture the exact situation. But i think your sleep deprivation is making your emotions a bit out of control. Your mum clearly loves her grandchildren and is trying to do her best for them. If it doesn't seem safe to you, then it's reasonable to ask her not to do it again. But I'd apologise for your fury.

Hwory · 08/01/2021 23:14

Op you live with your parents so loads of posters would excuse them chucking the kid out of a first floor window because 'your under their roof' 'are you paying MARKET RENT for that spare room'.

Pechanga · 08/01/2021 23:14

Yabu

And yes....your parents do sound pretty amazing!

ilikebooksandplants · 08/01/2021 23:15

Giving a three year old a blow torch - she is we’re highly unreasonable.

The pram nonsense? YABU. Buy your kid a pram that it’s not going to fall out of. Problem solved.

Moondust001 · 08/01/2021 23:15

I'm sure it'll be fine for you to move out.

TaraRhu · 08/01/2021 23:15

Yabu. IhD to prop my son up in the bassinet once as he just wanted to sit up and was screaming his head off. He was 6 months. No harm done. The next day we took out the buggy and retired the bassinet.

EarlGreywithLemon · 08/01/2021 23:16

I absolutely would not do that. A six month old could easily flop out of a bassinet like that. You are not being unreasonable!
Do you still have the pram pushchair attachment? Why not swap to that?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 08/01/2021 23:16

However, my Mum is a dumbass sometimes

Yabu for saying this about your own mother.

Very disrespectful.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 08/01/2021 23:16

You aren't coming across well. You can your mum a dumbass when she's letting you live in her house and taking the kids off your hands. Start being a bit more grateful.

Motnight · 08/01/2021 23:17

I think that you shouldn't be calling your mother names.

EarlGreywithLemon · 08/01/2021 23:18

Oh, and my mother loves me and my daughter, but was still suggesting I get her to sleep on her tummy as a newborn to “help with her reflux”!!!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 23:19

Hang on -you're calling your mum - a mum who supports you and helps with childcare every day - a dumbass because your child sat up in a pram? WTF

Ia your dad a dumbass too seeing as he was there or is he a hero because he does the dishes?

DaphneBridgerton · 08/01/2021 23:19

YABU for calling your mum a dumbass, especially considering you currently live with her, although you haven't specified the financial arrangement there

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 08/01/2021 23:19

It doesn't sound as though you do actually appreciate all their help at all by the way. It can't be easy for them living with two extra adults and two kids under their roof.

Amithetoxicone · 08/01/2021 23:19

YANBU. People are being mean. Call her a dock head here but not to her face.