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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to have been so angry at my Mum

154 replies

CoolNoMore · 08/01/2021 22:54

DH, DS1, DS2 and I are all living with my parents at the moment. They are generally amazing, very involved with the kids and my Dad has an excellent habit of doing all the washing up before anyone realises there is any. DS2 is a challenging 6 month old so I really do appreciate all their help.

However, my Mum is a dumbass sometimes. She gets overexcited about things and overlooks basic safety. Example: handing my 3 year old a blow torch. The torch was off and the safety catch was on, but surely I'm not the only person in the world to think that kids and blowtorches should be kept apart?!

Anyway. My parents arrived back from a walk with DS2 today, very excited and proud of themselves. He had been fussy, as usual, but today they decided to fix that by sitting him up in the bassinet, hood partially down so he could see out. He was at the far end of the bassinet, facing whoever was pushing. It's a tired old bugaboo, so although it's quite deep, the bassinet tips a little if weighted at either end.

I will readily admit that I'm an emotional, sleep-deprived hormone monster, but he looked like a small bump or an over-excited dog could have easily knocked him out. DH didn't see so is reserving judgement, but reckons that if I think it's unsafe that should be the end of the discussion.

I have never seen anyone propping up a wobbly six-month-old in a bassinet, except possibly in cartoons. When I furiously expressed my fears for DS2, my Mum was defensive and dismissive. She agreed not to do it again, but only because she recognises that the decision is mine to make, not because she thinks it's dangerous in any way. This makes it difficult to trust her judgement.

YABU: She managed to raise two kids, she knows what she's doing/ I'd have done the same thing
YANBU: That was really stupid and dangerous

OP posts:
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 09/01/2021 00:21

Actually can I get clarity re the blowtorch - is it a wee one for creme brûlée's or massive ones a la the horror movie Hostel?

alittleprivacy · 09/01/2021 00:21

My DS could sit unaided at 4 months so I used to sit him up in his pram if he wanted to look about when we were walking. He was still a bit young to move into the full buggy attachment, especially as I didn't have a car at the time and we walked everywhere. I bought a little harness for him, that I attached to the sides. So he could sit without worry he'd fall out and I'd take it off when he was lying down.

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:21

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion aaaah, now I see my mistake. I should have said DH did it all, then watch the suggestions of divorce roll in. Whoops! My bad.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:22

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

It's not the OPs problem that other people don't have supportive parents

I'm not sure anyone said it was the OP's problem. But it's about not looking a gift horse in the mouth. If someone is being that supportive, for free, you let the little things go rather than being a dick. And don't expect round the clock help but to be able to micro manage absolutely everything your help does

"The little things" like your 6 month old who can't sit up unaided falling out a pram and cracking their skull open, or your 3 year old burning his face of with a blow torch. Ok, I'll keep that in mind Hmm
JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 09/01/2021 00:23

"Calm thyselves, all."

Oh the irony

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 09/01/2021 00:24

Youd be wise to know that laying reflux babies on their tummy ( if you can supervise them to nap ) comforts them massively.

Also ... NICU babies are often put to sleep on their tummies because they find it easier to breathe.

You sound like you think you know it all OP.

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:24

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows re: the blowtorch, not sure, I'll have to go and get it out of the toybox

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 09/01/2021 00:24

I understand the concern especially when sleep deprived I would ask them to just not repeat as its not great for them.

As for never seen it it's common to some North East Scotland fishing towns where propped up babies in outfits and bonnets are well known its a very bizarre the first time you see it though!

humptyrumpty · 09/01/2021 00:25

yab ridiculous

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:25

Also doesn't sound like the OP does expect "round the clock help", sounds like they were quite insistent. They offered it, that doesn't mean OP and her DH have to look past everything they are uncomfortable with.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/01/2021 00:25

It doesn’t sound especially dangerous at present. But if he prefers sitting up so he can see is there a harness that can be used?

My Ds jumped out of a plane bassinet at 8 months, a passenger standing in the aisle caught him!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 09/01/2021 00:27

The blow torch was switched off and the safety was off @Iminaglasscaseofemotion but it is a bit weird rather than unsafe. Then again toddlers seem to have a fondness for "real" things over toys, I once gave DS (can't remember the age but less than one) a fish slice while I tried to cook as his toys weren't cutting it - of course he smacked himself square in the face didn't he 🤦🏼‍♀️ I wouldn't have given him a blow torch though.

Some babies do spring up/pull themselves up to see the world from very young. My DD was like a sack of spuds, never moved a muscle in her pram. Whereas by 5 months DS was in an upright stroller and practically scraped his head on the pavement he leaned forward so far Grin
The risk really is minimal though and this is NOT a big deal

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 09/01/2021 00:27

[quote CoolNoMore]@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows re: the blowtorch, not sure, I'll have to go and get it out of the toybox[/quote]
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Italiangreyhound · 09/01/2021 00:28

YANBU to think a child should not have a blow torch and that a baby should not be propped up in the pram.

But you are living with your parents and you don't sound very grateful for their help, so look after the kids yourselves and then you and dh can check they are fine.

"Uh oh, it's not looking good for me... I think I'll be having humble pie for breakfast" looks like you realize. In your shoes I'd have a chat with your parents, apologize for the dumbass comment, and do something nice (bake a cake, order flowers etc), then work out a way to help more and maybe have the walk with your mum and the kids in your lunch break (just ideas).

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:28

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls I think it might have been a different poster talking about lying babies on their stomachs.

I do think I'm a bit of an expert on my kids and my pram, with its specific eccentricities. Is that not usual? Geniune, hostility-free question.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:28

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls

Youd be wise to know that laying reflux babies on their tummy ( if you can supervise them to nap ) comforts them massively.

Also ... NICU babies are often put to sleep on their tummies because they find it easier to breathe.

You sound like you think you know it all OP.

The OP has said nothing about babies being pit to sleep on their front.
JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 09/01/2021 00:31

Giving him a switched off blowtorch to hold is the same as giving him a switched off iron to hold.

Not much to get your knickers in a twist about really

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:32

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

The blow torch was switched off and the safety was off *@Iminaglasscaseofemotion* but it is a bit weird rather than unsafe. Then again toddlers seem to have a fondness for "real" things over toys, I once gave DS (can't remember the age but less than one) a fish slice while I tried to cook as his toys weren't cutting it - of course he smacked himself square in the face didn't he 🤦🏼‍♀️ I wouldn't have given him a blow torch though.

Some babies do spring up/pull themselves up to see the world from very young. My DD was like a sack of spuds, never moved a muscle in her pram. Whereas by 5 months DS was in an upright stroller and practically scraped his head on the pavement he leaned forward so far Grin
The risk really is minimal though and this is NOT a big deal

Both my kids were in an upright pram by 6 months, but I have the capacity to realise that not all children are, or are capable of pulling themselves up. Also the OP had already said her parents had propped him up into a sitting position. Didnt even need to work it out myself.
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:32

Sorry, I didn't mean work it out myself, I meant make it up like you did.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:35

@JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat

Giving him a switched off blowtorch to hold is the same as giving him a switched off iron to hold.

Not much to get your knickers in a twist about really

Not really because a not all blow torches have to be plugged in to be switched on, where as most irons, of not all, do.
JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 09/01/2021 00:36

Oh come on. A supervised 3 year old is not managing to switch on a blowtorch

auberginesarenottheonlyveg · 09/01/2021 00:37

You have NO idea how jealous people with no help would be if your situation. Three adults to two children. I could only dream. AND they are putting you up in addition; is this to save fir a deposit.

You sound a total Pain In The Arse. Your post is so pompous and precious. “Oh but I have a six month old ... that excuses me ..”

auberginesarenottheonlyveg · 09/01/2021 00:38

Four adults of course. Not three. Makes you even more privileged.Confused

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:38

Ah, wait, do people think I'm WFH and getting the parents to look after the kids all day? Not that that affects the safety question (thank you for answering that so succinctly, @Scottishskifun, that's exactly the sort of info I was hoping for) but I look after the kids most of the time. The baby needs me and only me for a lot of the time and as a direct result the toddler wants me and only me for a lot of the time. My parents help out, but they have their own lives and interests (although the most intense one is probably their grandchildren).

And, uh, I didn't call her a dumbass. I was visibly upset and angry, but I said that it wasn't safe and that she absolutely couldn't push him like that. Which, I acknowledge, some people think is rubbish.

OP posts:
Stroller15 · 09/01/2021 00:38

I would probably not get so het up about either event to start a thread. My parents have a different approach to risk and children than I do. I will keep an eye on things, but I trust them and want my DC and parents to have their own relationship. A closed and locked blowtorch is not ideal but not that dangerous in my book. Propped up in a rickety pram, also not ideal, so I'd change to the pushchair bit of the travel system. I won't have a go at my mum or try to make her feel bad though.