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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to have been so angry at my Mum

154 replies

CoolNoMore · 08/01/2021 22:54

DH, DS1, DS2 and I are all living with my parents at the moment. They are generally amazing, very involved with the kids and my Dad has an excellent habit of doing all the washing up before anyone realises there is any. DS2 is a challenging 6 month old so I really do appreciate all their help.

However, my Mum is a dumbass sometimes. She gets overexcited about things and overlooks basic safety. Example: handing my 3 year old a blow torch. The torch was off and the safety catch was on, but surely I'm not the only person in the world to think that kids and blowtorches should be kept apart?!

Anyway. My parents arrived back from a walk with DS2 today, very excited and proud of themselves. He had been fussy, as usual, but today they decided to fix that by sitting him up in the bassinet, hood partially down so he could see out. He was at the far end of the bassinet, facing whoever was pushing. It's a tired old bugaboo, so although it's quite deep, the bassinet tips a little if weighted at either end.

I will readily admit that I'm an emotional, sleep-deprived hormone monster, but he looked like a small bump or an over-excited dog could have easily knocked him out. DH didn't see so is reserving judgement, but reckons that if I think it's unsafe that should be the end of the discussion.

I have never seen anyone propping up a wobbly six-month-old in a bassinet, except possibly in cartoons. When I furiously expressed my fears for DS2, my Mum was defensive and dismissive. She agreed not to do it again, but only because she recognises that the decision is mine to make, not because she thinks it's dangerous in any way. This makes it difficult to trust her judgement.

YABU: She managed to raise two kids, she knows what she's doing/ I'd have done the same thing
YANBU: That was really stupid and dangerous

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 08/01/2021 23:47

You’re being ridiculous.

What do you think a supervised six month old was going to do with a blowtorch with the safety catch on?

Sitting in the bassinet whilst supervised also fine. Put the seat attachment on - they don’t need to be in the carry cot at 6 months.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 23:47

Your baby OP, put the pram away so they have it to 'choose'

GoLightlyontheEarth · 08/01/2021 23:48

I’m another shocked that you call your mother such ugly names. You sound ungrateful and spoilt. I would have loved to have had such wonderful supportive parents. You are very lucky. What do you do for them?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 23:48

I'm assuming he was propped because he was pulling himself up to see and she wanted him to be comfortable?

borntobequiet · 08/01/2021 23:48

If my adult child was as condescending towards me as you are to your parents - very excited and proud of themselves - I’d tell them to find somewhere else to live PDQ.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 23:50

I would have loved to have had such wonderful supportive parents. You are very lucky. What do you do for them

God me too!! Imagine having live-in babysitters in a free to live in house where you don't even have to do the dishes, and having the nerve to start an argument because the baby sat up in a pram 😂 some people don't know they're born

MutantNinjaCovid · 08/01/2021 23:51

You called your mother a dumbass

I got no further

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/01/2021 23:53

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion but the baby wasn't unsafe - and as I said, it should have been on the OP and her DH to change the pram attachment. A 6 month old doesn't need to be in a bassinet.

What was her mum supposed to do anyway, push the baby over for him to spring back up?[/quote]
How do you know he was safe Confused did you see the child in the pram? The OP seems to think it wasn't very safe.

As for the second paragraph I have no idea what you mean by "push the baby over for him to spring back up". I doubt he put himself in the sitting position.

CoolNoMore · 08/01/2021 23:54

I suppose it's worth mentioning that we wanted him to sleep, hence thechoosing of the pram. He fits in the pram fine, he was a bit early and definitely can't get himself to sitting, so I'm not sure there's any need to switch just yet. Although the pushchair has straps, which would definitely solve the safety issue.

OP posts:
Lemmeout · 08/01/2021 23:55

What sure you angry with your mum but not your dad
Yabu anyway
Yabvu to call your mum a dumbass . Wow, how delightful you sound.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 23:55

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion well nothing happened and in the unlikely event he suddenly had the ability to climb out the pram there are 2 adults, seemingly trusted by the mother, to catch him. but he didn't

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/01/2021 23:56

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

I would have loved to have had such wonderful supportive parents. You are very lucky. What do you do for them

God me too!! Imagine having live-in babysitters in a free to live in house where you don't even have to do the dishes, and having the nerve to start an argument because the baby sat up in a pram 😂 some people don't know they're born

It's not the OPs problem that other people don't have supportive parents. She felt like her child wasn't safe. No one else can say whether he was or wasn't because they didn't see the set up. I would also question why on earth someone would hand a very young child a blowtorch, whether they thought it was on or not. Freak accidents happen, best not to take the risk with something like that.
LiJo2015 · 08/01/2021 23:56

You come across as ungrateful tbh. Firstly, calling your mum a dumbass is extremely disrespectful and unnecessary. Maybe just move out and see how you do without so much help?

caringcarer · 08/01/2021 23:59

I think your sleep deprivation is making you grouchy. Make your Mum a cup of tea and apologies. Your parents are helping you everyday. Without their support you would get even less sleep.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:01

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion well nothing happened and in the unlikely event he suddenly had the ability to climb out the pram there are 2 adults, seemingly trusted by the mother, to catch him. but he didn't
[/quote]
I don't think the OPs worry was him climbing out, probably more that he could have toppled and fallen out. Thats harder to stop from happening.
It's all very good saying "well nothing happened", but why take the risk?
So stupid to say that if someone's looking after your child, you just have to put up with anything they decide to do with that child, even if you, as the parent feel it's unsafe.

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:02

@Lemmeout Just because it was her idea. I did not make that clear, sorry.

I have definitely ruffled some feathers without that intention at all! I absolutely do appreciate them and tell them so several times a day, but in my family there's no need to show total reverence. We are noneof us perfect, and the only way we'll get any better is by people pointing out our mistakes. Sometimes those people are those closest to us... and sometimes they're angry internet people.

Thanks for your help, angry internet people! I shall apologise unreservedly in the morning. I may even beg my father to let me do the washing up...

OP posts:
gah2teenagers · 09/01/2021 00:06

Crumbs talk about the biggest retraction ever. Yes 6 mth old wants to “see” so doesn’t need a bassonette. Blow torch is a non event. Not likely to go and help himself and fire it up. Try being grateful.

Viviennemary · 09/01/2021 00:11

You need to move out. This isn't working if you are concerned about the safety of your children. Shape up and be an adult. Don't just stand on the sidelines criticising.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 09/01/2021 00:13

Very sad to call your mum a 'dumbass'...or anyone for that matter, unless it's obviously a joke which doesn't seem the case in your OP.

Also, why is none of your anger directed at your father? He was also on the walk no?

CoolNoMore · 09/01/2021 00:14

Ok, I promise I'll leave soon, but the blowtorch reaction surprises me. My 3 yo is a pyromaniac, and pretty darn dextrous. You'd all be ok with that? That's definitely surprised me.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/01/2021 00:14

Hilarious so many people calling handing a 3 year old a blow torch a "non event" 🤣. Of this was anyone other than a grandparent, people would be completely agreeing with you OP.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 09/01/2021 00:18

Your 3yo is a pyromaniac? Confused is that an exaggeration or does he really try to start fires?

GlitterSandcastle · 09/01/2021 00:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 09/01/2021 00:20

It's not the OPs problem that other people don't have supportive parents

I'm not sure anyone said it was the OP's problem. But it's about not looking a gift horse in the mouth. If someone is being that supportive, for free, you let the little things go rather than being a dick. And don't expect round the clock help but to be able to micro manage absolutely everything your help does

Mamette · 09/01/2021 00:20

Stop using the carrycot, he’s too old for it. He can still sleep in the seat attachment of the bugaboo and it can be reclined, with him safely strapped in.

Just because you are in your parents’ home doesn’t mean you have to revert to being a teenager.