To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

[Needsomegoodies]

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

*neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work"
So according to you, it was oy for 10 minutes and then 3. According to him, it was excessive and constant...
Most likely somewhere in between but more likely have been closer to excessive than what you interpret because you are so used to the noise your kids are making.

Sorry but from what you described i know exactly the type of children they are. Very annoying and irritating. I have a 4.5
yo ds and he can be noisy but he has learnt that he needs to consider other people too. These are your children, so it's up to you manage this. An 8yo is well old enough to understand this.

Yesterday I was trying to complete work and Dd3 (4) was naked horse riding dd2 (7) who was also naked and on all fours trotting around the living room whilst dd2 was making a ridiculously high pitched neighing noise.

🤣🤣 Hahaha! I'm sorry as I'm sure it distracted you from your work but this has made me laugh so much.

I haven't voted but I'm another saying the noise is probably worse then you think it is. I think as parents of young children, you become experts at zoning your kids out. I know I certainly did when mine were little

@JillofTrades

Sorry but from what you described i know exactly the type of children they are. Very annoying and irritating. I have a 4.5 yo ds and he can be noisy but he has learnt that he needs to consider other people too. These are your children, so it's up to you manage this. An 8yo is well old enough to understand this.

Type of children they are?! That’s really harsh. You have ONE kid. You have no idea!!

If they were upset by the noise, surely hammering on my door and ranting isn’t the most neighbourly strategy..

They've probably kept quiet about it and the noise has just gone on and on and on to the point where they've exploded.

Maybe take the kids out twice a day to burn off energy, they'd get at leas that in the playground. And then everything they're clearing excessive noise, pull them up on it. Not 10 minutes later. Straight away. It must be driving your neighbours bonkers.

@Seasaltyhair

I’d have laughed in his face.

Aren't you lovely . Perhaps you should read Wombat's excellent post.

Laughing in his face isn't going to foster good relations with your neighbour. Are you really this socially unaware?

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time! They can’t go to school, they can’t see their friends or family, they can’t go to the clubs they went to, no play area to burn steam off in, have to sit in a house all day whilst their parents juggle school work and real work or feeling shit that the other mums are bragging they have completed all the school work for that day in the class watsap whilst your child has been eating crisps all day and watching Netflix in their underwear because your trying not to go bankrupt!

In fact we should all clap and bang tins and pans for parents of young children on a Wednesday night. We are going to look fifty years older after this shit show!

Ginfordinner I’m at the point I couldn’t give a shit tbh

I think YABU I think and 8 year old and 5 year old are more than old enough to be told not to jump around shouting. You said that you told them to stop then they carried on after a few minutes. It sounds like you don’t have control of them. I would understand if they were younger not jumping shouting and banging aren’t games for indoors in my opinion. And yes I have lots of experience with kids that age.

YABU to have wooden floors in a mid-terrace house.

You've basically turned your house into a giant speaker cabinet (unless you've put in some pretty serious noise suppression measures to mitigate against noise transmission).

When my neighbours had (temporarily) ripped up their ground floor and stair carpets, the change in noise levels was unbelievable. It sounded as though they were right next door to me every time they left the living room, even though the hall and stairs are on the opposite side from the party wall.

Every footstep was clearly audible and even normal conversational speech really carried. It was intolerable, and they're a quiet older couple who had just their late 20s son at home, and he was mostly out or at work.

Carpets and good thick underlay are your friend. And maybe set times for noisy play, just a couple of times a day.

Lockdown is grim for everyone, it's a time when we need to be more considerate, not less.

Agree about the carpets and good underlay, it would make a huge difference.

Some of the people on here is why I don't rent my old London flat out to people with children.

Yeah I make all my best business decisions via reading the AIBU section of Mumsnet.

@Seasaltyhair

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time! They can’t go to school, they can’t see their friends or family, they can’t go to the clubs they went to, no play area to burn steam off in, have to sit in a house all day whilst their parents juggle school work and real work or feeling shit that the other mums are bragging they have completed all the school work for that day in the class watsap whilst your child has been eating crisps all day and watching Netflix in their underwear because your trying not to go bankrupt!

In fact we should all clap and bang tins and pans for parents of young children on a Wednesday night. We are going to look fifty years older after this shit show!

We're all having a shit time. Nobody likes being indoors all day and missing family, regardless of age. It doesn't mean we can't have a little consideration for those around us.

@OlympicProcrastinator

I think YABU I think and 8 year old and 5 year old are more than old enough to be told not to jump around shouting. You said that you told them to stop then they carried on after a few minutes. It sounds like you don’t have control of them. I would understand if they were younger not jumping shouting and banging aren’t games for indoors in my opinion. And yes I have lots of experience with kids that age.

What robot children? Kids are bored and have lots of unspent energy. In a normal situation they would have school, play area, sports clubs and activities.

This is a new situation so actually you don’t have experience of it. It’s unprecedented dont you know..

Any parent who describes their own children as not “naturally quiet” has ridiculously stupidly loud children.

If your children where just Loud your be the parent who described them as mostly quiet and well behaved with the odd outburst of loudness.

The fact you open with that means yabu and I say that as someone with three children living attached to a house with five children in it. Yet I don’t hear them and they don’t hear me. It’s not that hard.

We're all having a shit time. Nobody likes being indoors all day and missing family, regardless of age. It doesn't mean we can't have a little consideration for those around us

Your having a shit time as an adult with the understanding that maturity brings you. Young children don’t really grasp the reality of the situation. They are like fuzzy bottles of pop trapped in a house. You cannot compare the two. Thinking that an adult and child have the same cognitive ability is bizarre

*What robot children? Kids are bored and have lots of unspent energy. In a normal situation they would have school, play area, sports clubs and activities.

This is a new situation so actually you don’t have experience of it. It’s unprecedented dont you know*

I don’t have robot children and it’s the second lockdown I’ve been through so I do. The OP asked for opinions and I gave mine.

Bold fail

@Seasaltyhair agree with you. When mine were little they were completely unmanageable and I was a wreck after even one day spent entirely indoors. Doing that for months on end ... Dear God. I salute you and all parents of littlies at this time.

Yeah I make all my best business decisions via reading the AIBU section of Mumsnet

I don't do it for business reasons. I don't need the money. Bless you. I just don't want kids in my property destroying it and the people in the block are all hardworking professionals who don't want to deal with unruly children while they are working from home. But for what it's worth I've never struggled to find tenants.

@Seasaltyhair

We're all having a shit time. Nobody likes being indoors all day and missing family, regardless of age. It doesn't mean we can't have a little consideration for those around us

Your having a shit time as an adult with the understanding that maturity brings you. Young children don’t really grasp the reality of the situation. They are like fuzzy bottles of pop trapped in a house. You cannot compare the two. Thinking that an adult and child have the same cognitive ability is bizarre

But children can be taught consideration, which obviously is not happening here.

It's not competitive misery, I feel for both parties.

@Heartlantern2

Threads like this are SO annoying!!! I just don’t understand it. You live in a terraced house FFS!! Of course there is going to be noise! Of course there will be things that neighbours do that piss each other off- but it’s a terraced house! Are people all supposed to live in silence and never move too quick for fear of a floorboard creaking.

Silence is a LUXURY- if you can’t afford the 3 bedroom detached house in the middle of a field then it’s tough!!

It’s normal to hear noise. They are kids playing, teenagers listening to music- mum and dads doing DIY, grandads washing the car and getting the entire street wet- it’s life- that’s what happens when you live in a street, especially a terrace!!

While all of the above is true, it isn't normally true all the bloody time.

Because of lockdown, people are trying to WFH while all of the above is going on. That's very different to noise happening while people are out at work and know nothing about it, save for at weekends, when neighbours have the option of going out if they find it too noisy.

Exceptional times need exceptional consideration if people aren't going to explode with the stress of it all.

Hear hear @LakieLady.

I am genuinely at the point of breakdown with my ndn kids - the constant, constant noise and the lack of sleep has pushed me to the edge. I miss going to work or going out ANYWHERE that isn't a sodding walk just to get away from it.

Hmmm, I think you need to find a bit of the empathy you’re demanding from your neighbours OP.

Yes, tabby that it’s inevitable that kids stuck at home are going to make a bit of noise. But they’re your kids and your neighbour is stuck at home and needs to work. If you’d been pleasant and just said ‘I’m sorry, it’s really tough at the moment but we are doing our best to keep it down’ you could have probably happily resolved things but instead it sounds like you were arguing back and then pretty rude to your neighbours daughter. I’d be fairly pissed off if I was your neighbour trying to work through racket next door from a family who were rude to me when I asked them to keep it down.