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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

294 replies

Needsomegoodies · 08/01/2021 20:20

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
AcornAutumn · 08/01/2021 21:07

@Soontobe60

The noise created by 2 children jumping around on wooden floorboards next door would drive me bonkers. Noise your own children create in your own home is far more tolerable to you than to neighbours.

You need carpets down in the room where children may be doing this. With a good underlay!

Yes, children jumping on wooden floors must sound horrendous.
TripleHHH · 08/01/2021 21:08

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Its a tough one. Our neighbours kids are really noisy and it does get to you after a bit but I've never said anything.

That will change if they complain about the noise of our building work starting next week.

Love those name!
TripleHHH · 08/01/2021 21:08

Your name that is!

GintyMcGinty · 08/01/2021 21:08

YANBU

But put done rugs down.

ivfbeenbusy · 08/01/2021 21:09

@Grobagsforever

Where was DH?

Why? Want to insinuate he is a rubbish father and she should LTB for not helping her???

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 21:10

@Soontobe60

The noise created by 2 children jumping around on wooden floorboards next door would drive me bonkers. Noise your own children create in your own home is far more tolerable to you than to neighbours.

You need carpets down in the room where children may be doing this. With a good underlay!

I agree with @Soontobe60. Noise is much louder when it is someone else's children.
WyfOfBathe · 08/01/2021 21:10

He may be working at home trying to concentrate as well, or just trying to cope with lockdown. Even if your kids were quiet most of the day that day, are they always quiet during office hours? It sounds like it might be an issue that’s been brewing for a while and he finally snapped.

My elderly neighbour often has the TV on loud. Before Covid, I never minded hearing it. Now that I’m home all day, it’s driving me mad. More annoying noises like thumping all over the house would be even worse.

pandarific · 08/01/2021 21:11

God, fucking ignore them. They can wear noise cancelling earphones if they like. Idiots!

Plussizejumpsuit · 08/01/2021 21:14

I think your kids are almost certainly more noisy than you think. In my experience parents are really good at tuning out the noise. I think you need to work on what is acceptable behaviour with them. Personally screaming in the house isn't ok. I know you said you stopped them after 10 min. But 10 min of screaming is annoying.

You say you're stressed but so is everyone else. We're all stuck at home.

parkpoolplunge · 08/01/2021 21:15

Do you both work full time? It sounds like you are looking after the children all day, when is your DH doing his share?

I'd be looking to make the wooden floors quieter, add some rugs to deaden the sound. We've done that in our house with wooden floors, it's really makes a difference.

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 21:16

@pandarific

God, fucking ignore them. They can wear noise cancelling earphones if they like. Idiots!
Don't you sound delightful Hmm. Being a good neighbour cuts both ways The neighbour isn't an idiot.

One of the reasons DD is going back to university is because she can't concentrate due to the noisy children next door.

Catlover77 · 08/01/2021 21:18

You need to be considerate of your neighbours, they are obviously under a lot of stress working alongside the noise of your children. You can rectify the situation as advised above, starting with rugs, no shoes in house and ensure your children are not jumping

LH1987 · 08/01/2021 21:19

I think you need to think about your neighbours, buy some huge rugs.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/01/2021 21:21

@TripleHHH

Your name that is!
Twins!
QueenoftheAir · 08/01/2021 21:23

My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly

Sadly, they probably are annoyingly noisy for your neighbour, if even you think they're noisy ... If they drive you mad, and you're their mother & love them dearly, then I imagine your neighbour is probably even madder - they're not even his children!

But there's not much either of you can do about it though. You'll have to try to think of ways of mitigating the noise - rugs? lots of cushions? rearrange the house so that there are a bookcases against the shared terrace wall in the sitting room at least? And your neighbour is also going to have to put up with some noise.

I have a shared wall with two flats (I'm in one house, theirs is a flat conversion) - I can hear muffled noises from my neighbours, but nothing more than that, even when the upstairs neighbour goes into an angry rant. But if it were so loud that I could distinguish different voices or distinct words rather than jut muffled sounds, I would think that is too loud.

itsgettingweird · 08/01/2021 21:25

That sounds normal noise for kids that age without lockdown.

That's why 5-7pm is called witching hour. It's when they all seem to go mad Grin

Next time don't answer the door!

MustardMitt · 08/01/2021 21:26

Personally I think you can do what you can do, but they chose to move to a terraced house so really they need to suck it up, move their desks, wear ear cancelling headphones or whatever.

I'm inclined to believe that the OP isn't leaving her kids to scream all the frigging time.

Highfalutinlootin · 08/01/2021 21:28

I am sensitive to noise and generally hate the sound of noisy neighbors. I have complained to neighbors in the past about unreasonable noise. That said, I am doing zero complaining during lockdown. I feel this is an unbelievably hard and unfair time for children, and it's unreasonable and anti-social to expect them to stay quiet cooped up at home. Your neighbors are totally in the wrong here and should show some compassion.

AcornAutumn · 08/01/2021 21:30

@MustardMitt

Personally I think you can do what you can do, but they chose to move to a terraced house so really they need to suck it up, move their desks, wear ear cancelling headphones or whatever.

I'm inclined to believe that the OP isn't leaving her kids to scream all the frigging time.

I'm sure they could afford a fully detached and just chose this to be grumpy. 🙄
Original poster
Needsomegoodies · 08/01/2021 21:30

Thanks for the different view points.

We do have rugs in every room and I ensure the kids wear slippers. Having previously lived in a flat, I am conscious of noise from foot fall and we constantly tell our DDs to think of the neighbours when they’re over excited. They both like crafting, Lego, puzzles and drawing so it’s not like they’re yelling, jumping and fighting all the time. We are on very good terms with our neighbours on the other side for many years, who don’t have any children but have a barky dog and we all live and let live. The previous occupants of the house in question had small kids too and no problems. I guess I’m just surprised that people without small kids can’t see this is an extreme situation with school closed and try to be tolerant. They’ve moved from a detached house so I guess not used to even normal terraced house noise. This is day 3 of home school. I’m working all hours to get my job done and help my children through their day so they’re not left to their own devices. It’s stressful enough trying to keep up with work and be a good mum and this just felt like a slap in the face. If they were upset by the noise, surely hammering on my door and ranting isn’t the most neighbourly strategy..

OP posts:
category12 · 08/01/2021 21:31

Get some bloody carpet down.

zoemum2006 · 08/01/2021 21:31

Why didn't your DH take the kids to the shops if you were trying to work?

(YNBU: sounds like you're trying your best)

Fieldofyellowflowers · 08/01/2021 21:31

I live in a flat and the little girl who lived above me always used to run around and jump about. I just ignored it. It wasn't disturbing me and it's what kids do.

ThorFull · 08/01/2021 21:31

It’s so hard isn’t it.

I was overjoyed though, when my next door neighbour moved in a couple of years ago, with her yappy Jack Russell and constant DIY, and her teenage daughter who had lots of loud screaming sleepovers. Then loud screaming zoom calls. And she’s playing her guitar now, which she’s getting Very good at.

I have a 4 and 6 year old. They’re loud. I’m loud when I shout at them.

We all live in very loud harmony.

thevassal · 08/01/2021 21:32

I didn't vote because it's a hard one where nobody is really U, it's just the situation. My neighbour's child is ear-splittingly loud (to be fair so are the parents) - she's not unreasonable to want to play and have fun, but I'm not unreasonable for wanting to have enough peace to work, in my own house!