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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

294 replies

Needsomegoodies · 08/01/2021 20:20

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 09/01/2021 07:17

I'm not surprised he snapped as he has to work from home as well and deliver everything he did before lockdown. I would complain if my neighbours children were jumping and shouting in the house. I used to make a point of keeping my DSs noise down primarily because of the neighbours and they did the same with theirs.

gannett · 09/01/2021 07:19

I sympathise with your neighbours. Your kids are much, much louder than you think and as parents you're inured to the noise. They're NOT being unreasonable to object.

However I also acknowledge that you have a point, if you're doing your best to keep your kids quiet for most of the day - you won't be successful 24/7.

But don't go into mama bear mode to Defend Your Kids - this is a tough situation, everyone involved is at the end of their tether and having a shit time. The last thing you need is an escalation of hostilities.

The best suggestions in this thread are the ones about pre-empting the complaints with nice gestures. A nice bottle of wine or similar treat and note of apology - could work in advance but also after any particularly rowdy day - shows them that you understand them, and you're doing your best. And it's very hard to get in a huff after being given wine. When I think back to being frustrated with a neighbour's screaming, thumping kids a while ago - the noise itself was annoying but rationally I knew that's when kids do; it was the feeling that their parents weren't even trying to keep the noise down that made me rage.

And put the rugs down already!

DecemberSun · 09/01/2021 07:21

If the children want to jump around take them to a park. Ridiculous to allow it inside a terraced house.

Your poor neighbours, that is not normal noise.

Buy some carpets.

peak2021 · 09/01/2021 07:21

People have different noise tolerances. In about a month's time it will be daylight late enough for evening walks or runs around the garden.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 09/01/2021 07:23

I don’t think anything will beat my neighbours. They came to to complain about the excess thudding noises. Yes, that was me. I tripped over carry a weekly shop, dropped it all, hit the floor,and have broken my arm. My poor flat mates were trying to figure out how to get me to hospital, as I’m the only one with a car as our downstairs neighbour complained about the noises.

I am not sorry.

ScrumpyBetty · 09/01/2021 07:26

@DecemberSun

If the children want to jump around take them to a park. Ridiculous to allow it inside a terraced house.

Your poor neighbours, that is not normal noise.

Buy some carpets.

OP had taken them for a walk already and if you'd read her post, you'd see she is trying to juggle home-school, working from home and looking after the children. They were jumping around at 5pm- should OP have taken them to the park in the dark and cold?

How ridiculous. When it comes to noise- loud music in the middle of the night- not ok
Normal children sounds during the day- perfect fine and if you don't like it don't move next to a house where there are children

gannett · 09/01/2021 07:30

if you don't like it don't move next to a house where there are children

If only handpicking our neighbours was actually an option!

Palaver1 · 09/01/2021 07:32

Over 25 years ago I lived in a hosing association flat old terrace split into 2 ,spacious ,nice area.
The noise from the family above was relentless.wooden floors as well.
I can never forget what I went through .I pleaded,begged complained.
In the long run,I started sleeping away from home.
I gave up the flat and moved .
I’ve never gotten over how badly the family behaved.
For this reason I would say you are unreasonable,

Nameandgamechange123 · 09/01/2021 07:37

Hmmmm yes I agree with some of the others that you should probably get a rug or something in the room most frequently used. I really feel for your situation though. It sounds like you are working really hard to make sure the kids are okay whilst also having to work.

Chimeraforce · 09/01/2021 07:38

We replaced our carpet downstairs with vinyl planks in August.
Then they started building 2 new houses next door.
Omfg you can hear and feel any noise dreadfully. It's fucking awful. And no one's even living there as not finished. And we're detached.
There's alot of good reasons for carpets!
You're doing all you can in a shit situation. Maybe rugs and no shoes indoors?

Oreservoir · 09/01/2021 07:40

Ignore your ndn op. Your dc are entitled to have a normal childhood. If they're quiet at night then you're not causing a problem.
We lived next door to a family with 4 dc when we first married. We could hear the youngest calling for toilet paper the walls were so thin. We didn't complain in fact we were tempted to take a roll round for the poor child!

The police reprimanded my dm's ndn because he complained that she slammed her front door too loud and one night she didn't close it properly so not to be noisy. The door was noticed wide open, police called and asked my dm on her return why she hadn't shut her door. She explained about fussy ndn and he got a stern talking to.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/01/2021 07:47

You need rugs!

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/01/2021 07:48

Fluffy slippers?

lurker101 · 09/01/2021 07:49

@ScrumpyBetty what’s wrong with putting on their outdoor coats and taking them for a walk in the dark? Presumably if she lives in a terrace there are street lights and it’s not a rural property. Don’t think it’s unreasonable to take kids with energy to burn off for a walk at 5pm

NewHouseNewMe · 09/01/2021 07:49

It's hard to keep kids quiet and I suspect this is the start of your NDN issues. In the summer they will complain that the kids are shouting in the back garden while they're having a glass of wine. In winter they will complain about family noise indoors.

Hence do what you're doing - try to keep the noise down, encourage playing in the non-connected rooms, keep the kids tired (lol) and stop discussing the matter further with them.

FirTree31 · 09/01/2021 07:56

You can buy rugs, and remind the children about the noise, other than what can you do...you can't sellotape them to the wall. Kids make a lot of noise, it's what they do. Also, I understand from other people's perspectives that noisy children can be irritating, but I don't believe this should equate to them stopping playing, especially given what's happening In children's lives right now.

patchworkthedog · 09/01/2021 07:57

Your poor neighbours. I find parents are often in denial about how noisy their kids are, as they're used to a background level of noise. Can't they go and let off steam in a park?

Graciebobcat · 09/01/2021 08:00

Tough shit for the neighbour really, you are already being as considerate as possible and there is nothing he can do about it.

Ginfordinner · 09/01/2021 08:00

Your dc are entitled to have a normal childhood

And the neighbour is just as entitled to be able to work from home with few distractions. I can put up with noise from children, but if it is as loud as I suspect it is it would drive me bonkers as well.

All the posters who think it is OK to ignore the neighbour's request, or worse, tell him to do one are probably too immune to the noise that their children make and are oblivious to how irritating it is for other people.

Loads of people can't afford a detached property so telling them to buy one is a ridiculous comment.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 09/01/2021 08:01

I had this issue and played thick underlay and average carpet down! The noise level is so much lower! It’s actually good for me too as I was always stressing over the noise. Well worth the impractical-ness of carpet vs wooden floors x

Graciebobcat · 09/01/2021 08:02

Don’t think it’s unreasonable to take kids with energy to burn off for a walk at 5pm

She had taken them out earlier and had been homeschooling and entertaining them all day, and was just trying to work while they watched TV and her other half went to the shop.

AlternativePerspective · 09/01/2021 08:04

No amount of screaming indoors is ok inside.

It’s perfectly possible for children to play without having to scream.

I have neighbours on both sides. On the one side my neighbours play the same song on their piano from morning until night (we’re talking.7 in the morning until 10 at night) they have blazing rows in the middle of the night, and yet when my dad was helping DS put something up on a wall at 3 in the afternoon and made some noise for around five minutes max they banged on the wall. They didn’t go so far as to come round and complain but if they had they would have got a piece of my mind.

The neighbour on the other side has a two year old who screamed and screamed as a baby from morning until night and in the middle of the night and now has the most awful screaming tantrums. Neighbours themselves are lovely, and I was once talking to him outside and he said he was absolutely paranoid that his child’s screaming would be heard by and upset the neighbours. I’ve never said anything to them because at 2 there is very little they can still do about it, although he does often take him out in the car/for walks etc if he’s having a tantrum.

Some noise is avoidable, some most definitely is not. And screaming children who are of an age to be told it’s not ok is not one of those.

And to the poster who said that the neighbours chose to move into a terraced house so they should have been aware that there might be noise, the opposite is also true - the OP chose to move into a terraced house and as such she knew her children’s noise wouldn’t only be able to be heard by her.

Except it doesn’t work like that, so we all need to be considerate of other people wherever we are.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/01/2021 08:10

I really don’t get this kids have to be noisy. They don’t, if they are within a 2 metre distance of each other they don’t need to shout and bawl at all. They just need to learn to be quieter.

ScrumpyBetty · 09/01/2021 08:12

@lurker101 ummm if you'd read OP's post she couldn't take them out at 5pm because she was trying to work, During unprecedented circumstances you'd think people might show a little empathy but it appears sadly not to be the case.

Ginfordinner · 09/01/2021 08:13

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

I really don’t get this kids have to be noisy. They don’t, if they are within a 2 metre distance of each other they don’t need to shout and bawl at all. They just need to learn to be quieter.
Extra needs aside, I agree with you. Whenever DD used to scream she would be told off - repeatedly. She soon learned that it wasn't a good idea.

And, no, I'm not a perfect parent, but one who can't bear the sound of kids screeching.

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