To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

[Needsomegoodies]

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

@JorisBonson you don’t like children do you?

Seriously if the dc are asleep from 8pm to 8am, working quietly all morning and only jumping around for 2 hours a day then you’re doing an amazing job op. And quite frankly if my ndn complained about 2 hours of noise from my dc each day I’d tell him he is welcome to mind them for a day and see if he can do a better job!

It sounds like everyone is very stressed! Ask them to text you when it’s bothering them so that you will know which noise is particularly annoying. This will also show them that it isn’t constant.
We are living in very strange times and they should be more considerate IMOH

I think it boils down to two things. 1) Banging 2) Screaming.

It seems like people think there is no happy medium. That kids can’t play or they must be very restricted if they can’t do these two things. There are plenty of things kids can do while learning these things aren’t ok indoors. It doesn’t have to be a pandemic to learn these things. Lots of people don’t allow their kids to do those two things during normal times. That doesn’t mean their children are robots who aren’t allowed to play. I think it’s much harder with toddlers but OP’s kids are 8 & 5 and unless there are additional needs, that is plenty old enough I think to learn that banging and screaming are the two things that are not acceptable for indoor play.

Plus..get some rugs!

I can kind of see both sides, but having no children myself I do tend to err on the side of your neighbours. A constant noise, like traffic wouldn’t bother me at all; I lived next door to a motorway for 20-odd years but bangs, thumps, shrieks definitely would. I have a dog and as soon as he starts barking outside he is either distracted or brought inside.

I used to live in a flat and my upstairs neighbours used to bring their GC on weekends and school holidays and the noise would drive me close to mad. Running up and down wooden floors, playing football inside, yelling. We were less than 5 minutes walk from a beach . Thankfully, it was only a holiday home for them so only got used for a few months of the year.

I know it’s difficult now, but I do find parents minimise the noise of their own DC. We get loads of posts on our local FB groups about barking dogs and people slamming car doors in the early hours, but when it comes to kids it’s all “Isn’t it lovely that they’re enjoying themselves”.

@WombatChocolate but the op explained to the ndn that the dc had only just started being noisy, hence the neighbours visit, and rather than acknowledge this he said the noise was constant.

Unfortunately some people just don’t like any noise at all and will complain at any sound. Having neighbours is about compromise by both parties. If a neighbour wants total peace and quiet they need to live in a detached house with a large garden.

I bet the children are far more noisy than you’re letting on OP. You’ve said that they drive you mad and you’re their mum so are usually more tolerant of your children than other people are. Add in the wooden floors and I can see the neighbour’s point.

At 5&8 they are old enough to understand about indoor voices and no running in the house. You chose to live in a terraced house just as the neighbours did so you have to show some consideration and empathy too.

[quote Oreservoir]@JorisBonson you don’t like children do you?

Seriously if the dc are asleep from 8pm to 8am, working quietly all morning and only jumping around for 2 hours a day then you’re doing an amazing job op. And quite frankly if my ndn complained about 2 hours of noise from my dc each day I’d tell him he is welcome to mind them for a day and see if he can do a better job![/quote]
Where did I say that?

I don't like my ndn's children, that's for sure. I don't like being woken at 6am on a Saturday with a stairgate bring smashed over and over into my party wall. I don't like the constant, constant screaming until from 6am until around 10pm. I don't like the tantrums with the wall kicking that have forced some of my ornaments onto the floor and broken them. I don't like not being able to afford soundproofing. I don't like living next door to children that aren't ever, ever quietened down.

But apparently I'm not as important as them 🤷🏻‍♀️

MN - ‘close the schools your kids are killing the teachers and spreading the virus’

Parents - ‘but we won’t be able to work so we can pay our bills!’

MN - ‘So! Go bankrupt and save the NHS!’

— school closes-

MN - ‘keep your kids quiet I’m trying to work’

Parents ‘I’m sorry but I’m trying to work too and we are all really struggling’

MN - ‘ I don’t care as a childless adult or a parent of older kids that demanded schools shut I dont want to hear your stupid loud out of control kids even if it is before 8pm - I’m way more important than you!’

‘ I don’t care as a childless adult or a parent of older kids that demanded schools shut I dont want to hear your stupid loud out of control kids even if it is before 8pm - I’m way more important than you!’

Err, no not more important. AS important and as entitled to consideration.

@Seasaltyhair yes this X100%
People have such little empathy that they can't appreciate to how difficult it must be to try and juggle working from home with childcare. In normal times kids could go to the park after school, go to clubs and parents would be able to supervise their kids more due to not having to work at crazy hours to meet demands of childcare and working from home and other responsibilities. The fact that we are in a pandemic means that we are all having to survive under extreme and stressful circumstances.

It’s ridiculous OP
If he returns I’d politely suggest if he wanted guaranteed quiet he should have purchased a detached property. As it stands he has small kids living next door.
‘If you’re unhappy report us to the police. They will do nothing as there is no law against children making noise in their home during the day. But go on give it a go and see for yourself.... if you come hammering on my door again I’ll report you for harassment and threatening behaviour, they will do something about that so consider your options carefully!’

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time!

Nah. The empathy has to go both ways. It's Britain - the likliehood that a neighbour would IMMEDIATELY knock at the neighbour's door for a small noise is precisely zero.

Sure kids are having a shit time. But so are other people. And given that a lot of complaints about the lockdown are about the economy tanking and people losing their jobs, we should probably do all we can to help people keep working.

IME parents always underestimate how loud their children are. Although i also agree that a small amount of noise at not at unacceptable times.

I think you are doing an amazing job under trying circumstances. In a terraced house no one can expect silence and especially during a pandemic where the opportunity for exercise are limited. I think be polite and helpful where you can but you cannot be expected to provide silence - kids will be noisy, at the moment it cannot really be helped that much.

From what I understand, noise from children isn't considered a noise nuisance. I wouldn't pay it any attention or ask the kids to modify their behaviour at all.

What an utterly selfish response. Other posters have mentioned getting rugs etc to reduce the noise. It's not just about what's legal, it's also about what's considerate.

If I lived next door to you, or the OP, I would be looking into what I could do legally to piss you off back.

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time!

I think parents need to realise that normal life for young people, child-free people and single people has been essentially halted since September in order to keep a semblance of normality going for parents and school-age children. In the trade-off between keeping schools open vs everything else, the government opted for schools for as long as they could.

I guess I’m just surprised that people without small kids can’t see this is an extreme situation with school closed and try to be tolerant. They’ve moved from a detached house so I guess not used to even normal terraced house noise. This is day 3 of home school. I’m working all hours to get my job done and help my children through their day so they’re not left to their own devices. It’s stressful enough trying to keep up with work and be a good mum and this just felt like a slap in the face.

You sound completely self centred. It isn't all about you. Lockdown is hard for everyone, have you considered being less self centred and considering what your neighbours might be going through? Or, in your mind, are they not stressed at all because they don't have small children? In your mind you and your small children should be on a pedestal and everyone else should work around you. Now that someone is disagreeing with you, you are getting upset.

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time!

We are ALL having a shit time, and part of the shit time for the OP's neighbours is putting up with the noise of the OP's children. And the neighbours don't even get the lovely bits with the children - just the noise.

There's no top trumps of suffering in this situation - they're both reasonable and unreasonable.

*YANBU OP but unfortunately for you, this is MN, and therefore your children should be sitting quietly with thier legs crossed between the hours of 8am-7pm.

I once got told on a similar thread that I should never had bought a flat because I was selfish, despite it being all we could afford in the area we needed for DPs work.*

That's about the size of it.

"My neighbours have children who make noise and upset me, ergo you too must be the family from hell."

Or my personal favourite:

"You have no idea how noisy your children are."

How do you know? Some parents do actually give a shit about their neighbours you know, and are acutely aware when their children are making too much noise and put a stop to it. But you can't expect to here zero noise if you live in the terrace. The noisiest neighbours we've had didn't have children, but they had a sound bar and the bass travelled through the wall. They probably would have been mortified if they knew but we didn't complain.

Only OP knows exactly how bad it was. Kids screaming and banging doors is one thing, but there are people who will grumble at the slightest thing.

I think parents need to realise that normal life for young people, child-free people and single people has been essentially halted since September in order to keep a semblance of normality going for parents and school-age children. In the trade-off between keeping schools open vs everything else, the government opted for schools for as long as they could

Yes indeed. I was happy to go into the Autumn lockdown & follow stricter guidelines so we could keep schools open (I have no children at home). But a lot of parents around me really flouted the lockdown & showed very little understanding that they needed to restrict all activities outside of school, so that schools could stay open.

But a lot of parents around me really flouted the lockdown & showed very little understanding that they needed to restrict all activities outside of school, so that schools could stay open.

It's parents I know of primary-age children who have kept up playdates throughout all of this (and continue to do so). It's parents using rammed playgrounds this week who are happily chatting away huddled in groups of 10 adults, never mind their children, with no thought given to any pandemic precautions. It's very surprising to see.

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries.

I would argue that wooden floors are not conducive to living in adjoining properties with "not naturally quiet" children. I'm not without sympathy for the OP, but having lived below fuckwits neighbours in a tenement for over 10 years with stripped timber floorboards, most of my sympathy goes to the neighbours.

Rugs, preferably carpet, are your friends.

And add to that list parents of slightly older children. In fact everyone in this country has been, and continues to, sacrifice our normal lives to try and control the spread of this virus and stop people from dying or serious illness.
We are all stressed, worried, scared. Yet some parents of primary school aged children seem to think that they and their children are the on,y people who matter and who should have consideration.

They are wrong and the rest of us are getting increasingly pissed off.

@heLacksnotluster

Don’t buy a terrace house next to kids or dogs if you can’t bear noise. Simple. Keep doing what you’re doing. You fat from being unreasonable.

How on earth can it be that black and white?

When I bought my terrace, an elderly couple lived next door, and moved about a year ago. My noisy neighbours moved in during the first lockdown.

We can't afford a semi or detached and we really have no say over who our neighbours are.