To defend my kids over noise given lockdown restrictions?

[Needsomegoodies]

We live in a terraced house, with wooden floors, so I appreciate noise carries. My children are not ‘naturally quiet’ and can be quite active and yes, sometimes they drive me mad thumping but only ever briefly, they are always asked to quieten down and consider the neighbours and are just regular excitable children. They are excellent sleepers so make no noise between 8pm and 8am and we’ve lived in our house since before the kids and no one has ever complained. Both my husband and I are WFH and home schooling the children, 8 and 5, which is hard. I spent the morning working with my little one to get her school work done at the expense of my own work while the older one worked online. I then took them both out for a walk for an hour at lunchtime to burn off some energy, then tried to juggle the afternoon working, helping older child finish school stuff, while 5 yo did colouring and played a quiet game alone. At about 5pm they were given permission to chill out and watch tv so I could get on with some work and DH went to shops to get stuff for dinner. They were quiet to start with but then started playing a game and jumping. After about 10 mins I went in and asked them to stop (which they did for all of 3 mins..) and after another 10 mins there was hammering on my front door and new (moved in just before Christmas) neighbour stated ranting at me about ‘excessive noise that was constant and relentless’ when they were trying to work. I explained that although the kids had been noisy right then, they’d been quiet most of the day and he claimed, no it’s constant and you need to stop the noise. I explained the challenges we are all facing and that it’s hard on the children but he seems to think they still shouldn’t be jumping around or making noise. At the end of the day. During a lockdown. His daughter of about 20 then joined him claiming she understood its hard as she’s young too but I replied no, she’s not 5, she has no idea. The kids are stuck at home and can’t see their friends so surely they can’t be begrudged some active play with a sibling from time to time, even if it’s a bit noisy?!

I’m massively stressed and exhausted and this has upset me but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.

Or AIBU?

Having read the original post again, I do think 20 minutes (bar a 3 minute interval) of non-stop banging would piss me off too, in retrospect. Our toddler likes to stomp about. As soon as he starts, I stop him, and we have carpets.

Thanks for the varied responses all! Clearly many have been affected by similar issues but I genuinely do make every effort to be considerate and the times my kids jump around are brief, hence my upset that the neighbour yelled at me that it was constant. As it turns out the girls were dancing to a tv programme and at the end of a trapped school day, when they’d been quiet all day (and it was -3 degrees and dark, for those who suggest they should be in the garden), I think that’s acceptable. As I’d previously mentioned, they had been out for a long walk in the woods at lunchtime to let off steam and the neighbour has only been in next door for a couple of weeks, so not long enough to have been driven to despair by occasional child noise under a national lockdown.

Given the context, I’m surprised how many people think my actions should be:

• send children to supermarket with their father in a pandemic
• get DH to look after them more (he’s working too and takes over doing their tea and our dinner while I work)
• get carpets fitted throughout our house, despite the cost and the, erm, lockdown situation. We have rugs and slippers and it’s not like I can resolve that issue any time soon.

I guess what I’m realising is that for many people, the lockdown situation is not considered a factor in how people should behave but I’m afraid it is bound to influence household noise when children have limited outlets, even when efforts are made and ultimately we’re all trying to survive and doing our best.

Thanks for all who have made supportive comments too, solidarity to anyone else juggling demanding work and home school

I guess what I’m realising is that for many people, the lockdown situation is not considered a factor in how people should behave

All about you again. You couldn't care less about what your neighbour might be going through.

Appreciate it’s not nice for your neighbour to have shouted at you, but I suspect your children are much louder than you realise and have been driving them mad. It’s hard, but we all need to be considerate. I presume you can’t hear your neighbour’s noise? Think how you’d feel if he had loud shouting arguments or very loud laughter with his family waking your girls up? Or his adult daughter played music very loudly late at night?

I guess what I’m realising is that for many people, the lockdown situation is not considered a factor in how people should behave but I’m afraid it is bound to influence household noise when children have limited outlets, even when efforts are made and ultimately we’re all trying to survive and doing our best.

It's also going to affect people's stress levels. The people next door might also be hanging by a thread during this. You don't know what they might be going through.
My neighbours have been a bit snippy too. Nothing major, but things that would have pissed me off had they happened before. But because I've lived next door to them for a long time, I know they''re under huge health stress and are desperately missing their family and the granddaughter they've never met due to Covid, and who's nearly a year old now.

Lockdown isn't being kind to anybody. Personally I'd write them a note saying what a hard time it is for us all (and if there's anything you regret saying to them, this is the place to say so) and that you will be mitigating the noise by (mats, slippers, reminders...etc) but hope they'll understand that the way the houses are designed means that there will still be some noise that you can't prevent, when you have young children without an outlet). End it on a friendly note, and start to build bridges.

Our kids go out to have a little Outside Voices rumbunctions dressed appropriately whatever the weather, almost. They're not going to get hypothermia running around for ten minutes.

I believe that carpet ordering and fitting can still take place at present, with appropriate COVID safety measures in place, of course.

I think perhaps I’d feel more sympathetic if he’d ever acknowledged my smile or ‘hello’ in passing since moving in instead of just coming and yelling on my doorstep after 2 weeks.

And yes of course I can hear them too. They have a TV that takes up almost an entire wall, the volume of which sometimes makes our floor shake but I figure that’s just part of living in old terraced houses. Maybe I should go and yell too to let them know that?

And yes of course I can hear them too. They have a TV that takes up almost an entire wall, the volume of which sometimes makes our floor shake but I figure that’s just part of living in old terraced houses. Maybe I should go and yell too to let them know that?

I would certainly let them know this, yes. No points in both parties shouting like maniacs but yes, make them aware that the noise is a two way street. It can be easy to lose sight of that sometimes.

@Needsomegoodies

I think perhaps I’d feel more sympathetic if he’d ever acknowledged my smile or ‘hello’ in passing since moving in instead of just coming and yelling on my doorstep after 2 weeks.

And yes of course I can hear them too. They have a TV that takes up almost an entire wall, the volume of which sometimes makes our floor shake but I figure that’s just part of living in old terraced houses. Maybe I should go and yell too to let them know that?

Then absolutely, without yelling, I would point that out to them. That would do my head in FAR more than your kids' noise.

So we had this issue, with our children and wooden floors. The neighbour came round about noise a few times he lived alone and found the noise too much. He then moved, I left the kids with DH whilst I went to meet the new neighbour who invited me in for coffee. OMG I had no idea how much they could hear, I can imagine it must have been so hard for our previous neighbour who was on his own in a quiet house. Some people don’t do well, so I’ve now put down rugs to try and make a change and we are more aware of times when the kids play.

I guess what I’m realising is that for many people, the lockdown situation is not considered a factor in how people should behave

Of course it should! Your neighbours are stuck at home all day and so you should be extra careful about keeping the noise down.

@formerbabe

From what I understand, noise from children isn't considered a noise nuisance. I wouldn't pay it any attention or ask the kids to modify their behaviour at all.

I do hope then that the neighbours play the 1812 regularly.

They have a TV that takes up almost an entire wall, the volume of which sometimes makes our floor shake but I figure that’s just part of living in old terraced houses.

How can they know it disturbs if you don't tell them?
Just talk to the neighbours and work out what's acceptable on both sides. You know, like grown-ups

@gannett

People need to get off parents backs tbh about kids. We’re having a really shit time!

I think parents need to realise that normal life for young people, child-free people and single people has been essentially halted since September in order to keep a semblance of normality going for parents and school-age children. In the trade-off between keeping schools open vs everything else, the government opted for schools for as long as they could.

Say what?? There was a trade off? When?

When did adults have to stay in so kids could go to school? We was in tier 2 till Boxing Day with all restaurants and pubs open! Why have you been stuck in since September

The government opted to keep businesses open for as long as possible for the Christmas revenue.

Some areas haven't been out of tier 3 since the first lockdown.

They've probably turned their TV up coz of the noise from next door, that's what we had to do so we could hear what we were watching.

Id tell him to fvck right off, the kids have a right to play however loud they want, everythings been taken from them this last 12 months, fvck your neighbours

@isitsummertimeyet

Id tell him to fvck right off, the kids have a right to play however loud they want, everythings been taken from them this last 12 months, fvck your neighbours

oh dear

@Butchyrestingface

And yes of course I can hear them too. They have a TV that takes up almost an entire wall, the volume of which sometimes makes our floor shake but I figure that’s just part of living in old terraced houses. Maybe I should go and yell too to let them know that?

I would certainly let them know this, yes. No points in both parties shouting like maniacs but yes, make them aware that the noise is a two way street. It can be easy to lose sight of that sometimes.

This.

When the children are OTT tell them.

I think a huge issue is they have come from a detach house.

Their choice.

Huge difference though.

What did they expect?
They should have moved to a terrace with OAP's.

I think a combination of consideration, but not being accepting being harassed by them is the way to go.

@isitsummertimeyet

Id tell him to fvck right off, the kids have a right to play however loud they want, everythings been taken from them this last 12 months, fvck your neighbours

Nice. Glad you're not my neighbour.

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Our neighbours kids are so noisy. All they do is scream and batter each other all day. I mean constantly. Scream cry, scream cry, scream cry, on a constant loop, 7am to 7PM.

It's horrible.

Husband also works shifts, so sometimes nights,

Buuut, ndn is a single mum and we are aware her hands are full. So we haven't complained....yet.

I don't know what I would say tbh.

That doesn't sound normal to me. It's quite upsetting actually.

@isitsummertimeyet

Id tell him to fvck right off, the kids have a right to play however loud they want, everythings been taken from them this last 12 months, fvck your neighbours

Aren't you lovely

When did adults have to stay in so kids could go to school? We was in tier 2 till Boxing Day with all restaurants and pubs open! Why have you been stuck in since September

London. Can't remember exactly when the rule of 6 was brought in but I know that I haven't legally been allowed to socialise indoors with anyone from a different household since at least the start of October. Which in the winter essentially rules out any actual pleasant socialising.

I can see it from both points of view to be honest...

You want your kids to be able to play in their own home

He wants to be able to work from home without noise interrupting him (especially probably if he has to do any video calls)

I have neighbours with two young kids who can be very noisy , with thumping, banging screaming , and I haven't said anything to our neighbours because I don't want to start any bad feelings with them....but I wish they would teach their kids they can make noise, but it doesn't have to be at the top of their voice all day....and that it is possible to play without thumping and stamping....

I don't know what the solution to your problem is ..but maybe if your kids can even lower their voices a bit or not be making thumping noises...it might make a compromise for both households....because it's not pleasant being the neighbour on the other side of the wall listening to that kind of noise every day