Desperately trying not to go down the rabbit hole of feeling suicidal

[Hatstrategicallydipped]

AIBU in asking you to cheer me up?

I know you don't know me and don't care, but if anyone could cheer me up, I'd be very grateful.

I'm not suicidal at the moment, so that's where I want to stay.

I don’t know you but I certainly care. Not sure what would cheer you up but it made me smile when my poor dog went running out the door today to chase a squirrel and went a bit Jayne Torvill at the end of the Balero across the patio much to her surprise and the squirrels relief.

Local to me

I've been in your position OP, and can honestly say that I'm glad it didn't work. There can be so much joy in the small things in life. I have a lot to be thankful for now, and I know it will get better for you one day.

Do you feel worse in the winter? I do, I’ve noticed it is slowly staying a tiny bit lighter in the evenings now, it’ll soon be warm and the daffodils will be up, it’ll seem a nicer place to be . For you 💐

Buds on the bushes and trees, shoots coming up, spring is coming.

Have you comfort books or films? I find those help.

Are you able to get yourself out for a walk? I always find getting out and about every day helps me massively in staying fairly cheerful.

What about crafts also? I’m currently learning to knit socks! Cosy for the walks too :)

If you want a random snippet to (hopefully) make you smile, two of my cats who historically can’t stand each other snuggled up together today for a sleep, which was very sweet to see (and I swear my big ugly Tom cat was smiling!)

Thank you.
Alas, I'm both anaemic and underweight at the moment. I've no energy. My best friends are the police (God help them!).
Love hearing about your doggies. I'm allergic to dogs and cats (and sheep?) and horses and birds lol.

I used to have a little jack russell terrier. I couldn't pet her - so that was my ex's job - to pet her and give her human contact. I was the boss though and she obeyed me and not him - I didn't obey him either lol. I don't know how she knew that I was the boss lol. She was stolen though. I still miss her periodically. She was brilliant.

@toconclude

Buds on the bushes and trees, shoots coming up, spring is coming.

Have you comfort books or films? I find those help.

I try to read but my concentration is next to none. I've to read the same page about 3 times. Can't concentrate on films or anything.

@mummyoneboy19

Are you able to get yourself out for a walk? I always find getting out and about every day helps me massively in staying fairly cheerful.

What about crafts also? I’m currently learning to knit socks! Cosy for the walks too :)

If you want a random snippet to (hopefully) make you smile, two of my cats who historically can’t stand each other snuggled up together today for a sleep, which was very sweet to see (and I swear my big ugly Tom cat was smiling!)

Not able to walk these days. Very weak. I used to exercise 7 days a week.

@Toocold

Do you feel worse in the winter? I do, I’ve noticed it is slowly staying a tiny bit lighter in the evenings now, it’ll soon be warm and the daffodils will be up, it’ll seem a nicer place to be . For you 💐

Yes I do. However I've had a few 'triggers' as I suppose they would be called, just before Christmas. They set me back quite a bit.

I hope this makes you smile

www.reddit.com/r/CatsAreAssholes/comments/kt6vo3/you_deal_with_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I am too atm though I know its just a down day for me. It sounds like you are in a deeper dark place. Would it help to talk about why you are there now, or what brought you out if it last time?

Do you have RL support?

Not that it's particularly cheering, but here is my dog story of the day. My puppy today ate a pile of cat shit and then tried to lick my face as I picked her up to get her away from it. Disgusting dustbin dog is now gross litter tray dog . Made me heave, swear and laugh at the same time, which went totally over her head. She did look a bit miffed that I'd removed her from those tasty meaty nuggets though.

Hi stranger, I care ,you are a fellow human being and theres goodness in you and you are loved and needed more than you'll ever know. Sometimes we dont feel like we fit in or have found our place in this world,but that's ok,everyone I know feels like this at some point ,the great thing about life is although it doesnt feel it at this time for you,life can and does change so it's worth biding your time,being patient with yourself, being nice to yourself, good times will come and your smile and happiness will come back.

@teaandcustardcreamsx

Could’ve written this myself 😬 have things gotten better now that Christmas is over? How are you finding lockdown?

It's destroying me. All of my support services are cut - they're just demolished - don't exist anymore.

I am desperately trying to drag myself out of this hole but not succeeding. I abhor any curb on my freedom - not that I'm using any of my freedoms currently. It's just not right. There are no support facilities left for people with mental health struggles currently.

The Police have been absolutely wonderfully kind to me. They're so lovely.

Are you taking anything for the anaemia? Anaemia alone can cause depression (has for me) even if there is nothing else going on (and clearly at the moment there is). Not dismissing the depression as being solely caused by anaemia, it sounds like there is loads going on for you right noe, but if you could get your iron levels up it could help you feel better. I mentioned this on another thread, but when I cant concentrate on books (I love reading) I read short poems instead, audio books (or radio 4 adaptations) of gentle stuff like Agatha Christies of Jeeves and Wooster help too. Or comedy programmes.

No, my GP doesn't read letters. I'd have to submit a request via the online consultation service to ask them to read the referral letter and I lack the wherewithal to do that at the moment. I'm not eating and my appetite is at zero. I know very well that I need to eat, but am struggling to do so. I haven't been anaemic in years, but I'm now psychotic (or voices in my head appear loud), so the two are possibly related.

And . I know what its like. After finally being referred to a psychiatrist (only person who can prescribe medication where I live) at the start of last year, I was told I would have to wait because he was on holiday (this was late). Then days before my appointment everything shut down because of Covid. Months and months and months Id been passed around up to then. I did get through it though, and I am sure you will too.but it was grimmmm.

Are you eating, OP?

And managing to self care? Its hard to force yourself sometimes when everything is an effort. But do try to do little things that make you feel good. A nice hot bath and clean PJs, a biscuit with a cup of tea, some chocolate, or whatever works for you. Not long term fixes, just little bits of joy.

Sorry, I cross posted with what you said about the voices. That sounds like something they should be taking seriously/treating as urgent and its shocking that you arent getting enough support. Can you at least take iron tablets/vitamin B tablets. They only take a few seconds to take, so easier than eating (but not a substitute for eating) and dont need to be prescribed. Plus I find those small acts of self care help my mood, even if I wierdly resist them when I am down. And they do make a quantifiable difference to your iron levels and therefore energy/mood.

No, not managing self care, not managing to eat, not sleeping. A slow descent into insanity!

What sort of food do you normally eat when you are sick (physically also). With me its chicken soup and rice, or chocolate hobnobs and lucozade. Or if I am feeling really poorly toast with some boiled egg. Or mashed potatoes, butter and cheese. Normally eaten in bed propped up on pillows under a duvet. Even though you have no appetite I would try to think of something not too challenging that normally tempts you and comforts you. It can even be Mcdonalds if thats all you think you can manage.

@apalledandshocked

Sorry, I cross posted with what you said about the voices. That sounds like something they should be taking seriously/treating as urgent and its shocking that you arent getting enough support. Can you at least take iron tablets/vitamin B tablets. They only take a few seconds to take, so easier than eating (but not a substitute for eating) and dont need to be prescribed. Plus I find those small acts of self care help my mood, even if I wierdly resist them when I am down. And they do make a quantifiable difference to your iron levels and therefore energy/mood.

I'm prescribed Vit B so have them here - they make me feel nauseous (or I imagine they do?), so I don't take them. I'm not on iron. I haven't been anaemic for a long time so was never prescribed iron. I literally can't leave the house. I realise how ridiculous that sounds as I used to hold down a full time job. But that's the realiy now.

Or very sweet tea if you absolutely cant eat anything! That might stimulate your appetitie a little as well. Out of interest, when you say you have no appetite. Is it actually that you dont feel hungry at all/the thought of eating makes you feel sick. Or is it that actually you are hungry but you dont feel like you deserve food at this point? I think in either case eating a little of something will help.

@apalledandshocked

What sort of food do you normally eat when you are sick (physically also). With me its chicken soup and rice, or chocolate hobnobs and lucozade. Or if I am feeling really poorly toast with some boiled egg. Or mashed potatoes, butter and cheese. Normally eaten in bed propped up on pillows under a duvet. Even though you have no appetite I would try to think of something not too challenging that normally tempts you and comforts you. It can even be Mcdonalds if thats all you think you can manage.

I ate a cauliflower cheese ready meal yesterday. Potatoes and carrots and meat would be my ideal but I don't have the energy to cook anything. You're making me hungry! That has to be good!