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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Desperately trying not to go down the rabbit hole of feeling suicidal

173 replies

Hatstrategicallydipped · 08/01/2021 18:30

AIBU in asking you to cheer me up?

I know you don't know me and don't care, but if anyone could cheer me up, I'd be very grateful.

I'm not suicidal at the moment, so that's where I want to stay.

OP posts:
BendyLikeBeckham · 11/01/2021 00:57

Just seen your latest update. Bloody hell, get your chest looked at, woman! Covid or asthma, or covid and asthma, either way you need to be checked out.

You are a lovely human being, and you deserve to be looked after and some help to get well. Both mentally and physically.

And as for people invalidating your opinion just because you are unwell, fuck them and their narrow little ignorant minds.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 11/01/2021 02:23

I'm 99.9% sure that it's a chest infection. I have no weird symptoms, just your typical chest infection symptoms. The urinary tract infection is possibly something else physically wrong with me, but what I really need, is my head examined, so I'm going to have to try not to draw attention to those things until I'm admitted at least - at which point - I'll probably be deemed a hypochondriac or something knowing my luck!!

OP posts:
apalledandshocked · 11/01/2021 08:08

Just popping in to say good luck for today!
And regarding the chest infection. Even "just" a chest infection can turn into pleurisy if ignored, especially if you are already weakened and have asthma. So I would have said go straight to A&E and get that seen to. But, I do see your point about having to decide which thing gets treated first. So if you can get admitted and finally get some help with the MH side of things I can see why you want to prioritise that. But do then make sure the treat the UI and breathing difficulties too. Ideally medical care would be more holistic (not in the hippy woo kind of way) but it doesnt always work like that.

apalledandshocked · 11/01/2021 08:09

And I agree it sounds like a chest infection rather than covid but covid isnt the only thing that can make you sick!

Slothkin · 11/01/2021 17:57

Hi OP! You sound absolutely lovely and a really thoughtful person. If it helps I once took my local fire station a box of chocolate and a card after accidentally flashing them when they came to rescue me so 999 have (literally) seen it all!

Re: food I take meds which can make me feel quite sick and I find anything umami heavy is great; I love the little packets of miso soup you can make in a cup and Kikkoman soy sauce. Or veeery slowly nibbling a packet of hugely salty and vinegary crisps. Or marmite toast. They seem to just perk up my appetite!

VestaTilley · 11/01/2021 19:10

I’ve been there, when I had PND. It’s awful.

You’re not alone. Keep thinking positively.

whoamongstus · 11/01/2021 21:26

Hello, OP - how's the chest this evening? I'd give 111 a call if it's not feeling any better, just in case - even a chest infection can turn to pleurisy and that's absolutely horrid, and that's the last thing you need!

I hope today was an easier day, brain wise: I've been having a bad one myself, and I've just dragged myself into the shower for the first time in a couple of days. I feel better for it. So that's my advice for today - get clean, it helps, a tiny bit!

BendyLikeBeckham · 12/01/2021 00:45

OP, did you get to hospital today? Do update us with how you are getting on if you can.

teaandcustardcreamsx · 12/01/2021 00:47

How’s today been OP?

whoamongstus · 13/01/2021 12:14

Just checking in OP, to say I hope you're still reading. We're here if you want to chat.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 13/01/2021 20:02

I'm home. Today has been hell. I have a chest infection. Doc today said that it's possible that it's normal behaviour for a bacterium (hmm). Friend doc said it's more likely that antibiotic (broad spectrum) isn't hitting infection hence the increasing and multiplying.
Tested negative for covid - had both types - the 1/2 hour one and the other one. 1/2 hour one negative.
A whole lot of other shit happened today, but anyway.

OP posts:
yelyah22 · 13/01/2021 20:51

Sorry about the chest, OP. Did they give you a different antibiotic to try? Glad you're negative for Covid, though!

Hatstrategicallydipped · 13/01/2021 22:23

No, I discharged myself so they wouldn't even give me the antibiotics. Smile They may have written to my GP (I presume they have in fact), but my GP doesn't read letters. Lungs getting tighter and tighter. DEFINITELY not Covid.

OP posts:
Hatstrategicallydipped · 13/01/2021 22:33

Does dioxcline sound right?

OP posts:
Hatstrategicallydipped · 13/01/2021 22:36

TBH, the name of the antibiotic was the furthest thing from my mind. I was a little annoyed though when I discharged myself that they said they wouldn't give me antibiotics and that they wouldn't write a discharge letter. So no idea whether I've to ring GP in a couple of days and start from scratch. Not terribly worried to be honest!

OP posts:
BendyLikeBeckham · 14/01/2021 11:06

HI OP. glad you are back.

Why did you discharge yourself?

You know the quick covid tests are very inaccurate, right? I'd wait until you get a negative proper test to be confident.

But you need treatment either way. Please call your GP, tell them the antibiotics didn't work and that you need a different one.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 14/01/2021 16:09

I sort of don't have the energy to fill out the lengthy online consultation form for the GP. One thing that was sort of mentioned flippantly to me by one of the A&E doctors was 'Has your asthma ever been referred to as COPD?'. It hasn't, though I've often been asked whether I had ever been diagnosed with COPD when oxygen would be in low 90s. So then he said, well your asthma is COPD now (or words to that effect). I don't know whether that means I have COPD or not. Seems an unusual way to 'diagnose' someone. I guess there's not much in the difference apart from a higher price for travel insurance! I won't be declaring it as I've not been 'diagnosed' in my mind - though I don't know how these things work!
Struggling badly at the moment. That's about it really.

OP posts:
BendyLikeBeckham · 17/01/2021 02:44

OP, I'm just checking in on the thread.

If you don't get antibiotics, you'll end up with pneumonia. And back in hospital needing breathing help. Please phone the surgery and talk to the receptionist about the antibiotics. COPD is no joke.

Have you managed to eat?

GodOfPhwoar · 17/01/2021 02:55

Not read whole thread yet but worth ensuring you’re getting enough Vit D too. That can affect your mood in the winter.

Notanotherusernamenow · 17/01/2021 03:28

I’m going to go against the grain here, but I think you should tell your children how you are doing.

I grew up with a single parent and she has had some very dark times with depression etc. She protected me from it as a child but as an adult she is much better (because I made her) at telling me when things are not going so well. I speak to her most days or message à bit. It is not a burden. She is not a burden. She gave so much and sacrificed so much that it costs me very little to make sure she isn’t lonely and that we have a bit of a laugh every few days. I enjoy having a relationship with her now that is more of a friendship.

I was quite selfish and self involved in my 20s (as most of us are!) and it took a bit of a crisis to wake me up.

You know what would have devastated me as a daughter? If my mum had killed herself while j was busy working and partying. I don’t know that I would ever have recovered from the guilt of feeling that my mum couldn’t tell me how she felt.

Please tell them. It will upset them, of course, but that would pale into insignificance compared to how they will feel to know that you didn’t tell them. They will assume that you didn’t trust them or, worse, that you didn’t love them enough. I KNOW that isn’t true - your love for them fills every post you mention them - but I’m giving you my take as a daughter who was once similar to yours (different career, but very much into my own life in my early 20s). Im much happier now though and my mum is doing really well despite semi-shielding as she’s in her 70s.

I promise you: telling people you love is better than not. People looked at my mum as the strong tough business woman who didn’t need any help. She enjoyed being seen that way and it made her feel strong in theory, but it was also incredibly lonely and miserable. She was scared of being seen as vulnerable but she is so much happier and better connected since she let down a few walls. I know it can feel like it’s the last scaffolding that is holding you up and that if you tell someone you love either it makes it real and/or that sense of the last bit of scaffolding will collapse, but I promise that it’s more like ripping off the ivy that’s choking the tree or crawling into the house: it might uncover some vulnerabilities but you can’t start treating the tree or repairing the house until the ivy has been brought down.

I hope you are having some sleep right now (my cat has just woken me up because the neighbour’s Maine coon is outside our bathroom window so mine is yowling. He has a new thing where he gets so wound up that he gets bilious and rage-vomits on the carpet so I’m trying to get him to come away from the window)

BoJoHoNo · 17/01/2021 10:10

I'm on another thread on here and some utter c.u.n.t has just warned other posters that I have 'mental health problems' having seen this thread. Christ, if only you knew what my day job used to be you'd laugh. But if ever I thought that we had got to the point where mental illness wasn't perceived to be a reflection on your intelligence, well the proof is there for me now. Thick people exist.

Like you say, these people are thick and there's plenty of decent folk left who are worth sticking around for. The pandemic has really brought out the nasty side in some people and it's sad to see their ignorance towards mental health issues. Some of the most intelligent and fantastic people I know have been diagnosed with depression, bi-polar, the list goes on...

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment Hat. Did you manage to get sorted with medication for your chest infection?

BendyLikeBeckham · 17/01/2021 11:10

@Notanotherusernamenow

I couldn't agree more with what you have written. And as someone who struggles with opening up (but tries and is getting better) it really resonated.

Locc · 12/03/2021 20:39

Hi OP

I have been thinking about you a d hoping you have managed to find a brighter side to life than you were feeling back in January. I hope things have improved for you.

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