Desperately trying not to go down the rabbit hole of feeling suicidal

[Hatstrategicallydipped]

AIBU in asking you to cheer me up?

I know you don't know me and don't care, but if anyone could cheer me up, I'd be very grateful.

I'm not suicidal at the moment, so that's where I want to stay.

I would love to send a genuine letter/email to the metropolitan police but I don't know whether they have an address? I have a twitter account, but I'm pretty backwards in knowing how to use it or search for something? Does anyone know how I could contact their sergeant (who I know they check in with often, so his/her heart is probably broke hearing about me too)?

Cats eh? They're so content. Licking their holes. Bless their innocence.

I just want to thank them. Unfortunately there have been too many over the past few weeks to count, let alone name. I'm useless with names anyway.

020 7161 13888_

Address
New Scotland Yard
Victoria Embankment
Westminster
Londonn_
SW1A 2JL
UK

Address it directly to the sergeant if you know the name or if you're feeling ok to do it, call and ask if possible to speak to them. If not possible, ask for a direct email. If they ask why and you don't want to explain then say it's personal. Or could you leave your number and have a call back. Never be afraid to ask, you won't end up worse off as a result and usually people will try to help if they can. If the person you're speaking to is unhelpful or hostile etc, ask to speak to their supervisor or another staff member.

If you know the station they work out of, you might be able to find a contact email for the station itself?

Failing that, a card or letter addressed to that sergeant at the station address would find its way to them - and would be something they'd treasure, I imagine. All too often in jobs like that you see people at their lowest point and then never get to find out what happens and if they were okay. And, a trip to get a stamp and post it could be a fo6al to work toward for you?

They'll have records of who's attended, and probably millions of pages of notes so no need to remember names!

Op, just dipping in to say I think you're doing amazingly. One step at a time. Also just in reference to your saying you fancy some meat and veg etc. Have a Google to see what's open in your area, we have a couple of restaurants locally that are doing takeaway roasts, cottage pie, etc. (they do this outside of lockdown too and are really nice and not excessively expensive) and perhaps if you didn't fancy cooking, it might be nice to treat yourself take care, and keep posting x

That sounds a bit generic, but thanks. I'll try to call during office hours. I don't even know what police department/area I fall under. No idea who their sergeant is or whether they all have the same one.

It is generic unfortunately but if you give them your name and address you'll be able to find out the pc's names who attended, then you can ask who the sergeant is. Or ask one of the most recent pc's to call you back, get a pen and paper and get as much info as you feel able to about department / sergeant etc. If any of that is overwhelming then ask for an email address, as long as you give your details they should be able to connect the dots.

I'll do that. I really want them to know how grateful I am for their help. I wish the wider public knew what they do aside from arresting walkers in Derbyshire. They're really lovely when you're in distress and have almost literally talked me down from the ledge on more than one occasion.

I generally hate police as I hate authority of any sort. But they have a kindness to them which is rare in most humans and almost non-existent in mental-health folk (apart from psychiatrists - I like them!). I have been unfortunate enough to have spent time in a psychiatric hospital. The nurses can be so cruel.
It's why I want to thank them. I know that they are battling for better mental health resources to be put in place as they too are stretched, but considering they get little to no training, they do a good job. Even if I scowl at them for a half hour because I don't want them there.

See how you get on and definitely keep on with the updates! I'm persistent to a fault with this sort of thing (I work in law so it's an inbuilt trait at this point I think). Ask enough questions and you'll get the answer the vast majority of the time! If you need an email drafting etc I'll happily help. It's incredibly rare you'll come across someone on the phone who won't try and help you if you're nice and polite and have a genuine reason to ask. Pen and paper though as it could be info overload otherwise and if you need them to repeat or explain then ask, ask again and ask a third time if you feel up to it, I always tell my clients I'd rather they asked 20 times than came off the phone with any confusion or doubt!

Sorry that you are feeling are so low. Did you know that magnesium helps people sleep? I take a supplement and notice the difference within a day if I forget it. I'm wide awake from 2am without it. Magnesium deficiency also, according to Dr Google, causes "neurological manifestations" and "personality changes". That might explain the voices you are hearing.
I don't know it it helps or not, to know that what you are feeling might be caused by a mineral deficiency. Do you happen to have Epsom salts in? Magnesium gets absorbed through the skin from that. You could make a little footbath as it's less taxing than a real bath.
Magnesium citrate is absorbed faster than other supplements and Holland and Barrett currently have a sale on. 2 large bottles for £7. I would get it with their vitamin D+K2 spray BetterYou brand name, as magnesium is required for vitamin D absorption. If you are vitamin D deficient, that can cause low mood and lack of energy too.
Have you ever been tested for cealiac? That's one of the conditions which can cause chronic magnesium deficiency.
Sorry to bombard you with this nutrient stuff, but perhaps you could text one of your children to pick you up, as well as ready meals. I know that if I were them, I'd want the chance to help.
The good news is, that magnesium levels can pick up within a week. But I appreciate that it sounds as if you have an underlying condition that brings it down.
Best of luck OP. By the way, I love Irish music and am usually lucky enough to hear some trad in a pub, or hear a band while I'm there. Who do you listen to?
💐☘️

@Hatstrategicallydipped

I'll do that. I really want them to know how grateful I am for their help. I wish the wider public knew what they do aside from arresting walkers in Derbyshire. They're really lovely when you're in distress and have almost literally talked me down from the ledge on more than one occasion.

The fact that you're motivated to do this despite how tough a time you're having speaks volumes about the sort of person you are, OP, and why the police warm to, and are so happy to help, you.

I hope you manage to tick something off your list tomorrow! When I was low I found tinned potatoes a big help for eating - with a ready meal casserole or similar. M&S also do some excellent casserole ready meals with dumplings. And oven cook roasts inside a big Yorkshire pud

Morning OP, hope you had some sleep . Yes, yes to what @DianaT1969 says about supplements.

Also when I started being menopausal both sleep and mood went down the drain. I'm now taking so many vitamins b, d, d3, magnesium, they all influence your mental wellbeing, who would have thought .

Hope you get over the first morning bump, could your task for today be eating and drinking? Hope today looks better.

(oh and @whoamongstus i consider a leaf an easy task atleast not alive , said by someone who is known to be galloping round the garden scaring away stupid stupid birds doing touch downs right in front of my cats ).

Good morning (afternoon, but after the leaf hunting episode I didn't get back to sleep for ages!) - just checking in to say hello and that I agree with PPs, you wanting to tell the police who've helped you that you appreciate them is such a kind and selfless thing when you are going through your own stuff. ☺️

It's a beautiful day here today, I hope it is where you are. Make sure you get some sunlight, even just through the window today - no closer curtains - it helps with your sleep cycle. And maybe open a window or door for a bit, it's bloody freezing but feeling some fresh air is so nice when you've not managed to leave the house for a while (speaking from experience!).

Hi, OP. Just checking in today to see how your night went. Hope you managed to doze off for a little. That's brilliant to hear you ate something and took your vit B. Definitely chalk that up as a win.

What have you got planned today to eat? Maybe deciding on that in advance will help you do it? Like the decision is half the battle, so then eating it later doesn't feel like a huge task.

Do you drink tea and coffee or hot chocolate? Warm drinks can keep you going if you don't feel hungry.

Great advice you've had about supplements and magnesium /Epsom salts.

I think your children would want to help you. I know I would. I confide in my grown up kids all the time. They are adults and they can handle it. They also care and love you. I'm sure they'd feel bad if you didn't confide in them and they later found out. Don't take away their chance to help and support you. You don't have to tell them everything, just that you aren't well and can they drop off x, y and z to you from the shop. Make a little list of ready meals, supplements and maybe something that feels indulgent (chocolate or sweets). They will probably feel good that they can help, and you can give them that.

Have you used the Samaritans before? I used to work with someone who volunteered for them. They don't judge and just listen, and are there 24 hours a day. Maybe them, Mind and the police are all sources of possible help when you are in crisis and just need someone to talk you down.

Please come back later and tell us today is another day you haven't felt you needed 999. That will be today's win (and eating something you fancy).

So glad you were able to eat something! I was always advised to take things one day at a time, which can be helpful but sometimes its necessary to take things one cup of tea at a time, one ready meal at a time etc etc.
And with the police, I think its a job which seems to bring out the absolute worst or the absolute best in people depending on the sort of person they are. Glad you got some good 'uns.

I also agree with what @BendyLikeBeckham say about your children. Even if you dont want to tell them everything, signalling that you have been depressed/down will give them a chance to support you. They may not know what to say and they may say something stupid but I think they would prefer to know. In my experience, knowing a parent is a bit poorly and feeling able to support them in some way is much more comfortable than finding out much later that a parent had been through a severe illness and never said at the time (and again that goes for physical illness as well as mental).

Got a few hours sleep. Just feel sick now. It is indeed a beautiful day. Thank you for keeping me company. No 'voices' to be heard thank God lol. My dc know that I'm not doing well, but probably not the extent of it. They are kind and ring, but I'd chat to them all day, so have to try to keep it brief!

Ok so things not so good. Phoned 999 and they have said up to 4 hours for a clinician to call - by which time....? I'm not allowed to say in on MN.

Hey OP. Hang on in there. Can you call somebody in real life? Would you like to talk to one of your children? Keep posting, sorry you feel so down again.

Please don't do anything op, please believe things can get better.

Tell us about your dc, are they happy and lovely?

What have you been doing all day? Hope you managed to eat little.

Oh any excuse to talk about them!

My son is some sort of physicist. I don't understand his job. He doesn't tell me much. My daughter works for some sort of media consultancy - again, no idea what she does - a consultant - I of course could never possibly understand you see lol. They didn't get jobs that you can put a name on. Daughter flits around with occasional boyfriends, nobody long lasting. Son doesn't tell me anything. He could be shacked up with multiple wives and 22 children for all I know. But no, I don't think he has a girlfriend. They tell me what they consider enough for my wrinkled old brain to understand.

My son works for an aviation company. I literally have no idea what he does. Something sort of technical I suppose. Never had a brain for physics myself - worst subject!
DD seems to be in a marketing role of some sort. Again, not a job that I can pigeon-hole and say - that's what she does!