To not let DH talk DS out of applying to Durham Uni?

[cruddled]

I grew up local to Durham University but never considered applying back in the late eighties because I had a stereotyped view of it as being 'posh' and filled with 'Oxbridge rejects' from private schools. Whether or not it was true at the time, it was certainly a widespread view. My DH grew up in Yorkshire and had the same negative opinion of it. We were both first-generation university applicants and both ended up at other Russell Group universities in the north of England, then moved to Greater London for work, which is where we met and have lived ever since.

Now our DS1 in year 12 is thinking of putting Durham as one of his UCAS choices and seems quite keen on the idea. DH is less keen and has privately suggested we talk him out of it, but only because of his past prejudice. I disagree. I know there was a very negative story in the news recently because some students certainly did live up to the stereotype (www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/north-east-durham-university-students-19131519), but I'm generous enough to assume they are in the minority and that the university has otherwise moved on a bit.

Please tell me I'm right and that Durham is now at least comparable with other 'top' universities for inclusivity.

This is so interesting to read. If this was the other way around with someone saying they didn't want their child near the working class students they would have been torn limb for limb.

Normal MN champagne socialists. Tie themselves in knots virtue signaling how not racist they are but think other types of discrimination are acceptable as long as the victims are either middle eastern or white but in most cases, better off than them.

Ive had 2 of my kids at Durham. Dds household are 10 private schools.and this includes some of the well known public schools and 2 grammar school ex pupils

If people were being as judgmental about deprived students as the majority are being about affluent ones there would, quite rightly, be uproar. How about we stop judging people on how they sound and how much they have, and start looking at character instead?!
It is up to your son really. It's a very good uni.

There will be plenty of top universities that have a rah contingent. Avoiding a university on that basis just limits future options. Is your DH also going to tell him not to bother with graduate schemes that have a privileged intake?

Durham does have a noticeable rah crowd even now. However to be honest, most of the Russell group universities do, it's a bit less noticeable at London universities with big international intakes but at any of Durham, Bristol, st Andrews, Exeter, York, these are smaller cities and towns with less diverse populations generally so the rah student contingent can really stand out.

When DD chose Durham I thought it would be GOOD for her to mix with a few public school types after her frankly scraggy comp. Think we saw it as a virtue to help broaden her a bit.
OTOH the team blokes who frankly harass the women and support each other afterwards are a problem. The uni and colleges get countless complaints and I'm not sure what they do about it

Attended a RG uni well known for its rah contingent, lower MC background comp educated. True to form in my second year I was called a chav by my charming privately educated housemate.... Hated the place and almost dropped out before luckily finding my tribe in my final year.

It’s up to him I guess. I wouldn’t make him feel he isn’t posh enough to go.

That said it is definitely a preferred choice for ‘rah’ families who didn’t get into Oxbridge. I would be a bit disappointed if my son chose Durham, I think there are better unis but his call. Maybe explore wirh him what he likes as about it.

My sister went to a rah university and slept with someone who went on to be prime Minister. It's been useful at times as she stayed it touch.

Well that is a result, Nengineer :-).

I can't imagine how you could want to compromise your child's education on the basis that you regard a university as 'too posh'. He'll be applying to five places. Don't try and drag him back into his 'place' because you've got prejudices about a place.

Your husband should keep his prejudices to himself and let your son decide. Inverted snobbery

Honestly, your DS would be fine at one of the hill colleges, as others have said if wanting to avoid the 'rah' contingent. OTOH, isn't it useful to experience living and studying with people from all walks of life?

@Nengineer

My sister went to a rah university and slept with someone who went on to be prime Minister. It's been useful at times as she stayed it touch.

You can't leave us hanging.. at least tell us the name of the PM!!

Do you think your DS will be happy with less daylight in winter and slightly lower temperatures? Same applies if he has considered other universities further north of Durham.

@Bialetti

I went to Edinburgh where there was a big yah (or rah) contingent. They all seemed to have nicknames like Bobo and Roly, and hung out together in a huge clique. I’ll never forget meeting a few in Fresher’s‘ week and one asking me ‘What school did you go to?’ I can still picture her expression of pity and horror when she realised I had been to a …. gasp … comprehensive But there were all sorts of folk at Edinburgh, each to their own! Had the best time ever and met all kinds of interesting people from every sort of background. I’m sure it would be the same at Durham.

I did too and I thought I remembered them being called 'Yahs' rather than 'Rahs'!

Well, is your DH expecting your DS to live and work for ever in some sort of strange existence where he will never meet anyone who went to public school?

Thought not.

Let him apply and visit and make his own mind up.

I think Durham has possibly changed since some MN posters went there? Didn’t it used to be the case that you would write your top College choice only on the application? These days, they have to rank all 17 colleges in order of preference. What this means is a much more balanced state / independent cohort across all the colleges, it’s no longer the case that the Bailey colleges are more “rah” than the Hill colleges for this very reason. They balance out the sporty ones, the science-types, the potential “rahs”, the state intake erected etc across colleges in an attempt to minimise the OPs concerns.

Also, so what if many / most are “Oxbridge rejects?” About 80% of those who have the grades to apply to Oxbridge will be rejected and this is a matter of fact. They all have to go somewhere! They will obviously still go on to get top grades at other unis. The fact they are “Oxbridge rejects” at Durham means one thing - a university intake with all A* / A grades! What’s bad about that? Would you rather be at a uni that attracts those with more mediocre grade profiles and where nobody had resilience to apply to Oxbridge in the first place?

There will be just as many Oxbridge rejects at Imperial, LSE etc too. Hardly does them any harm!

The fact is, Durham often comes third or in the top 5 for most subjects in the uni league tables. This is why it’s popular and why it attracts many students who, on another day and with a fair wind blowing, might have been accepted to Oxbridge. It’s hardly an exact science!

There will be Oxbridge rejects at other unis too such as Bristol, Bath, Manchester, Warwick, UCL, Exeter etc etc. So what? A uni with less or no Oxbridge rejects only suggests that it’s less appealing to the most able students.

It’s a very pretty, historic town and very peaceful. Could be considered a bit too small for some.

“the state intake erected” - sorry, not sure where “erected” came from!

It's worth noting that the Oxbridge reject moniker doesn't always work in that some students (my DS!) get into Oxbridge (Fenland Poly in his case) and get rejected by Durham.
So careful with that old stereotype!

Gosh and I remember the 'what school did you go to?' question at my (concrete) university. It was only ever asked by students who went to a small group of private schools who were trying to find their tribe. I suppose I should be flattered I was ever asked!

Check out Jack Edwards channel on you tube - hes finished uni now but he was at Durham and had a fabulous time. Hes a state school boy from somewhere "in the south" - so not posh and not northern either. Loads of his videos a couple of years ago were about how he was getting on at uni.

One of ours was due to start at Durham in 2020 but backed out last minute after being offerred a degree apprenticeship. Four of his friends went, all from the same state school in the Midlands. None of them are particularly well off but they are all loving it.

A lot of stereotyping on this thread. Not all private school children are ‘rah’ as you put it. Not all state school children are down to earth. My child is at a state school. Objectively she is privileged and more so than many children at private schools. Boarding school may be posh but it can also be very tough for children there at times. I went to one and would have had a far easier run at a middle class secondary school with both parents alive and the other not working away.