How do I say no to her...

[freshmonth]

Hello,
So ive name changed as this could be outing.

We have our friend coming round Saturday who works in construction, to begin some paid work for us that we've had booked for 5.5 months.

His partner has been my on / off friend for many years, since school but is very prone to snapping / arguing and kicking off at every single thing.. very petty at times.

Since we are in lockdown, I assumed it would be just our friend that is doing the work for us; coming round.

This morning I woke up to a status on social media complaining about being alone all weekend and how selfish certain friends are not to think of her or invite her out. Floods of comments came in under her post about how 'you can come to my house hun' or 'if I didn't have covid you could come to me, always welcome. You know my views on lockdown' etc etc. Shocking to be honest. I know this is about me and my partner as we have her partner round to do the work. I didn't retaliate.

Fast forward a few hours and I get a huge paragraph text to me, saying that it's so unfair she's alone all weekend, all by herself and that she feels nobody considers her feelings.
Stupidly - and I take full responsibility for this - I said she can come too. I can't be dealing with the arguments. 🤦‍♀️

I FULLY follow the rules r.e covid, haven't broken a single guideline so far, and definitely don't plan to. I don't know what came over me in that split second and honestly as soon as I sent the message I instantly regretted it.

She replies 'oh good, I didn't want to have to kick off and invite myself. See you Saturday'

Im now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know she sees more people than I'd like to even think about, lockdown or not. Guidelines don't seem to matter to her. Her partner is very careful r.e covid and works most of the time to provide for them both with full PPE. Would wear this whilst in our home, too.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable her coming and feel a complete dick saying she could. I've just recently had a miscarriage and I'm still struggling tremendously. I didn't want the arguments and the grief from her on top of my own. Nobody knows about our loss, other than close family who have been our support..

I don't know how to say no to her. I know her argument would be 'if my partner can come it's no different me coming we live together' although this is true, we are in NATIONAL LOCKDOWN and should not be having her here.
The fines are extortionate. More than I care to think about and not something we can afford..

What do I do? I don't know how to let her down gently enough not to cause an argument. I just don't have the strength in me to deal with it right now.

Actually the neighbour grassing you up would be a good excuse. She might kick up a fuss but then don't reply to her message. Once the work is done, might be worth letting the friendship die off from both of them. If for any reason she convinces her partner to cancel the work, you can buy the materials off him and get someone else to do it.

Some people are shameless and will never learn because ultimately they're selfish and only want what they want. I can't even fathom kicking off for not being invited to something. This isn't even a thing, it's a bloody job. And as for the passive aggressive fb post, just shows she would easily dob you in it so she isn't a friend. Has she deleted her post since you said it's ok to come round?

Maybe add a postscript explaining how she should piss off 🤣 Honestly, kicking off and inviting herself. What a joke.

I would send a second message explaining how your house works in Covid times ie tell her that any visitors to your home have all worn masks, that you sit on separate sofas and that guest use the downstairs loo and you use the upstairs. In addition because I have a migraine I might have to excuse myself to go upstairs but if I do please don’t leave the living room because I have been applying the rules stringently and cleaning down surfaces etc. Just make it sound super unappealing to come but without saying she can’t come.

Tell her to wrap warm so you can do a mega walk as obviously you can't stay in the house with the lockdown. Say you have got a flask packed and you are looking forward to a good walk and catch up while her dp is working.

I considered the social distanced walk but since he will likely be a day at least, potentially the weekend I'm not sure I could do an entire day out in the cold.

her DP has further work booked with us, large jobs in the coming 6-7 months.

I wouldn’t want to be her friend, she sounds awful.
Use one of the pp suggestions and bin her off. It will be no loss.
You are paying her partner to do a job. She has no business to come anywhere near.

Can't believe I'm sat up at this hour worrying. My head is spinning 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Why is everyone helping with over complicated “excuses”. That’s how these princess like arseholes get away with bad behaviour because they never get called out on it!

Seriously fuck her off, and him if necessary if he can’t just do his actual job.

You don’t need this stress seriously just send a quick text that was suggested ^^ now to say “realised it’s against the law, X name only as it’s a job. Don’t just turn up you won’t be welcome”

Then block her on everything! It’ll be like ripping off a bandaid. Just get it over with.

I've been thinking about the lockdown, Covid transmission rates and social distancing. I know I invited you over as you'd be otherwise on your own over the weekend, but to be honest, I'm nervous. Your DP is going to be wearing full PPE whilst doing the work and we're going to be staying out of his way. We've not done any inside socialising, and I'm really uncomfortable. I ^want to be able to invite you over, but until this is all over, I'm going to retract my offer. I'm sorry! I hope you understand. Let's meet up when it's safe to do so this is perfect

good lord OP... you need to pull up your big girl pants ... send that text now and the get some sleep 🌺

Stop. Breathe. Think.

This is easy. She is a lunatic attention seeker. She WANTS THE DRAMA; she does not want to see you or to see him work. It is all about FB and the drama posting.

Give her the ultimate gift: cancel her with a short message then block her on all social media (or switch off your phone). Absolute bloody bliss for her. She can rant her heart out all weekend, wallowing in hun messages.

Her DP can hide away at yours working in peace.

You don't have to see any of it if you stay away from social media.

Everybody wins.

Thank you all. Honestly I feel ridiculous. I know I sound pathetic to be honest! I do totally recognise that she walks all over me, I'd rather give in than have to foot the backlash 😟

Just to say:

Her partner has paid out for materials

• so is in a vulnerable economic position

You are the client

• you have the upper hand

She really, really shouldn't be fucking you around and undermining her partner's business.

She should me making nice to you - not you trying to appease her.

You are about to hand over a load of cash, cash their household needs, you really get to call the shots.

And lastly, you don't want to make her feel bad - but she is making you feel bad.

Why don't you just practise saying, 'No' to her? You might really enjoy it.

And if she kicks off, what can she do? Refuse to let her partner do the work, when he's already laid out cash?

OP so sorry for your loss xxx

Given that you have more work scheduled, I think telling her straight up about the rules / or the neighbourhood watch excuse could handle it for now. She might kick up a fuss but you could mute her messages so you can get yourself through the weekend without feeling overly anxious.

If her kicking off means coming round to your house, you call the police and make an example of her. Being so stubborn and uncontrollable has It's consequences. I feel sorry for her partner. Being with someone troublesome can cost them too

I wouldn't have the energy to be her friend, she sounds dreadful! With her disregard of the rules and them living together I'd be nervous about him coming too.
Message her first thing, it's like ripping off a plaster, do it fast Tell her you are sorry for messing her around but with the transmission and death rate so high this week you are too worried about BREAKING THE RULES so you've changed your mind about her coming over. Remind her that he will be working in a separate room so it's less risk, whereas she would have been in closer contact.
You don't need to be grovelling or suck up to her. If she kicks off just ignore her like a tantruming toddler.
It's too cold to be outside all day, if you offer to meet for a walk suggest one hour tops! And if she doesn't want that I'm sure she will be fine for the weekend. Crikey, I know loads of people who have been alone since last March!

Have you got a mum who happend to be unwell that you must stay with this weekend?

Make up a tale about going to visit a very very sick relative and you won't be at home. Then if your house is big enough hide away. If not say it was cancelled at the last minute.

[quote freshmonth]@Notapheasantplucker I know! It's typical her though.
I can't even count the times she's kicked off at me for the smallest of things.. it's constant. [/quote]
Why the fuck do you want to stay on good terms with her? She sounds horrible! The entitlement of her "phew, I'm glad you're giving me my way so I don't have to make a scene and bully you into it" message was awful.

@StrippedFridge

Stop. Breathe. Think.

This is easy. She is a lunatic attention seeker. She WANTS THE DRAMA; she does not want to see you or to see him work. It is all about FB and the drama posting.

Give her the ultimate gift: cancel her with a short message then block her on all social media (or switch off your phone). Absolute bloody bliss for her. She can rant her heart out all weekend, wallowing in hun messages.

Her DP can hide away at yours working in peace.

You don't have to see any of it if you stay away from social media.

Everybody wins.

Absolutely this.

She's going to be mad either way, so just get what you want out of it and let her crack on.

She really isn't making your life great.

I had a friend who used to really take advantage of me.

I had a penny-drop moment - and acted on it by just removing her from my life.

The amazing thing was that there were no negative repercussions - just positives.

And I realised I had spent years not realising this but actually it was always going to be a good thing to heave her out.

People like this really don't add anything to your life. 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes I think I'm living in a different world. OP, if you have to have this person round, and it doesn't sound as if you'll be wanting to tell her no, keep her in a room with a door to the outside and windows, and keep them all open while you make sure to keep your bloody distance. But in the remote chance that you find the courage, you're perfectly entitled to tell her that as we're all now in a lockdown situation it's not appropriate to have friends round. Super nosey neighbours and over-zealous police do exist, so feel free to invoke them if you want an excuse, but you really, really shouldn't have to.
Kick off about coming round my arse.

I'm not fussed with stating in good terms with her, but for my own DP's sake and the fact he's very good friends with her partner, who also happens to be doing loads of work for us in the coming months I feel a little bit awkward 😳😬
I've been trying to muster up the courage for a while now to cut it off between us.

Very sorry wont be there, have to work/have covid test/have an std, very contagious for non tradesmen...Have a migraine, have the pox, really dont want to see you during lockdown, have checked with citizens adivce and they say I would be breaking the rules so have to meet up again, police friend popping in to take statement, would not be happy to see you there and could report us both..

She's an idiot. Does she not realise that there are people who are single during this pandemic and have NO ONE to talk to or spend time with?

She sounds like a self indulgent twat to be honest.