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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I say no to her...

762 replies

freshmonth · 07/01/2021 23:33

Hello,
So ive name changed as this could be outing.

We have our friend coming round Saturday who works in construction, to begin some paid work for us that we've had booked for 5.5 months.

His partner has been my on / off friend for many years, since school but is very prone to snapping / arguing and kicking off at every single thing.. very petty at times.

Since we are in lockdown, I assumed it would be just our friend that is doing the work for us; coming round.

This morning I woke up to a status on social media complaining about being alone all weekend and how selfish certain friends are not to think of her or invite her out. Floods of comments came in under her post about how 'you can come to my house hun' or 'if I didn't have covid you could come to me, always welcome. You know my views on lockdown' etc etc. Shocking to be honest. I know this is about me and my partner as we have her partner round to do the work. I didn't retaliate.

Fast forward a few hours and I get a huge paragraph text to me, saying that it's so unfair she's alone all weekend, all by herself and that she feels nobody considers her feelings.
Stupidly - and I take full responsibility for this - I said she can come too. I can't be dealing with the arguments. 🤦‍♀️

I FULLY follow the rules r.e covid, haven't broken a single guideline so far, and definitely don't plan to. I don't know what came over me in that split second and honestly as soon as I sent the message I instantly regretted it.

She replies 'oh good, I didn't want to have to kick off and invite myself. See you Saturday'

Im now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know she sees more people than I'd like to even think about, lockdown or not. Guidelines don't seem to matter to her. Her partner is very careful r.e covid and works most of the time to provide for them both with full PPE. Would wear this whilst in our home, too.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel comfortable her coming and feel a complete dick saying she could. I've just recently had a miscarriage and I'm still struggling tremendously. I didn't want the arguments and the grief from her on top of my own. Nobody knows about our loss, other than close family who have been our support..

I don't know how to say no to her. I know her argument would be 'if my partner can come it's no different me coming we live together' although this is true, we are in NATIONAL LOCKDOWN and should not be having her here.
The fines are extortionate. More than I care to think about and not something we can afford..

What do I do? I don't know how to let her down gently enough not to cause an argument. I just don't have the strength in me to deal with it right now.

OP posts:
MrsDiplo · 11/01/2021 18:47

she's tried to reach out through friends

@freshmonth when you say reach out what do you mean? is she still kicking off or apologising?

MzHz · 11/01/2021 18:55

@freshmonth

Sorry for the late reply. Yes she's tried to reach out through friends but I've ignored :) proud of myself!
Flying monkeys.

Ignore all attempts at being dragged in.

Answer them “you know what she’s like, I’ve been clear and I’m well within my rights to be so and I’m simply not going to engage with this”

Wheresmykimchi · 11/01/2021 21:19

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

Absolute sexist minimising nonsense

Absolute utter bollocks!

Biscuit
Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2021 00:04

Op you are doing brilliantly.

cutebutscary · 12/01/2021 00:47

Just sad
And read the whole
Thread . I used to be you . I still have wobbles of weakness now and then, as I've always been a people pleaser , but once you have drawn your line in the sand once, it becomes not only much easier, but incredibly empowering . So much so, that you find you become less of a pushover . I know your partner did the 'telling' but i know you will be feeling like a crushing weight has been taken off your chest . Stay strong , you are
Doing really well xx

Italiangreyhound · 12/01/2021 01:09

cutebutscary great post.

Will power and motivation are like muscles, the more you use them; the stronger they become.

Flowers
esselllx · 12/01/2021 01:59

Is she a child.... she literally sounds like a 14 year old girl. I swear these "WOMEN" need to act their age. It's so embarrassing I can't cope.

miserableannie · 12/01/2021 02:00

Good god what a palaver. And what a bunch of drama queen's 🤨😑

CallmeAngelina · 13/01/2021 09:42

Hang on, "attached to the children?"
Where were the children going to be when she was cluttering up your house on Saturday whilst her dp did this job?

MyMonsteraisDeliciosa · 13/01/2021 19:17

At their dad's I think?

FourDecades · 24/01/2021 08:57

@freshmonth - how are things?

MemaJ · 07/02/2021 15:04

@freshmonth, I’m so pleased to see that your dilemma is sorted. 😃

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