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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 07/01/2021 16:11

@Gobbeldegook

The coldness on this post saddens me. I have a disabled daughter who doesn't understand social cues, talks constantly and wants to talk to everyone. She's not obviously disabled, it's a hidden disability. She's also obviously non neuro typical, if you take the time to speak to her. It actually brings me to tears the thought that she could one day be a fifty year old woman walking her dog in the hope of making some friends with a mutual interest, and people would be so cold and unwilling to engage. Some of the replies aren't nice at all.
I'm afraid I agree with this. I think this thread is pretty nasty, really, in the responses that the OP has been given.

It sounds very much like it's a hidden disability of some sort - whether diagnosed or not, it really doesn't sound as if she's "just being an overbearing twat" as someone charmingly put it.

There are people who talk annoyingly and cannot seem to stop themselves. My MIL is one, and part of her issue is verbal processing - it's not obvious at all, and she wouldn't follow someone around the park with her dog looking for friends, but she is extremely wearing to spend a lot of time with and has few friends for this very reason and it is a large part of why her marriage broke down in her 50s. Just because this woman has a husband and kids at home, doesn't mean she's not lonely. She might be very lonely because her home life is not happy, due to whatever is going on with her social communication issues. It doesn't mean she's a twat.

I expect this woman got a dog in order to try to make friends. It doesn't mean the OP has to be her friend, or isn't allowed to find it really really fucking irritating, but no one should be so rude and judgy.

The useful explanations of what to do - big headphones, direct approach that pulls no punches but is not rude - are the things to do. Or walk elsewhere. You can't change this woman, so you have to change your behaviour and reaction to it.

LakieLady · 07/01/2021 16:11

Maybe go with a really bad story, like you accidentally stabbed your husband 8 times because he wouldn’t help you with the washin

Or go one better: you stabbed your husband 8 times because he wouldn't fucking shut up and kept talking to you, non-stop. Grin

InTheNightWeWillWish · 07/01/2021 16:11

Just because she lives with someone (or several people), it doesn’t mean she isn’t lonely. Given that if she does live with a husband and children, they aren’t missing her when she’s hanging around the dog park all day, loneliness could be the driving factor in this.

Short of telling her to fuck off, I’m not sure what you can do. You’ve opened the door by not being a twat in the first place.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/01/2021 16:12

Be very clear. Go away please. i don't want you to talk to me today.

Shellingbynight · 07/01/2021 16:13

She doesn't pick up on normal social cues so you will have to be straightforward and blunt, and say exactly what you mean. "I want to walk on my own, please don't walk with me". And don't preface it with a 'sorry' - you've tried being nice, she just bulldozes over it.

Polyxena · 07/01/2021 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2021isgoingtobeasshitas2020 · 07/01/2021 16:15

Oh god, this would annoy me. I think you should say you aren't interested in socialising.

EvieBoo2 · 07/01/2021 16:15

@Godimabitch

Could you take up jogging round the park instead? Grin
This made me laugh.
Eckhart · 07/01/2021 16:16

Just tell her you like time to yourself when you're walking the dog. If she doesn't respect that, say it more like 'Go away', then 'GO. AWAY.'

If that doesn't work, keep turning your back.

The more someone tramples your clearly stated boundaries, the more you have to make the boundaries clear, and the less you have to worry about manners. She doesn't have any of either, clearly.

Frankly, the reason she makes a beeline for you is because you'll be one of the few who haven't told her to go away.

Scbchl · 07/01/2021 16:16

Just say I have a migraine sorry I just want a bit of time to myself. Sorry the kids have been fighting all day I just want some time to myself. Sorry Iv got some things I need to think about I need some time alone. I'm just about to go on a work call I cant talk. Then repeat till she gets the picture and leaves you alone. Weird that shes at the park all day though...

Frokni · 07/01/2021 16:17

So people who are not neuro-typical, have disabilities or mental health problems should be given free reign to encroach on peoples space on a daily basis with no consequences? I don't think just being kind and nothing else is at all practical or fair on both parties.

OP, direct, firm and tell her that wherever she is going, you are not! Headphones on and walk with purpose. "Please could you leave me alone today xxx, I want to walk on my own" should you be followed and chatted to you say "I said I do not want to walk with anyone, leave me alone. Is there something about what I am saying that you don't understand/Do you not understand what I am asking?" - from her reaction to that question you should be able to gauge if she is just an annoying twat or someone who has a difficult time reading people due to additional needs/MH. Don’t change where you walk and your routine as no one wins then.

coronafiona · 07/01/2021 16:17

She could be lonely and trying to make a friend. People are starved of company at the moment. Be kind.

Blue565 · 07/01/2021 16:18

Just be honest and tell her "I'm sorry, I've come here to have a break and walk my dog. I don't want to talk to anyone. Please leave me alone"

This way, it's not aimed specifically at her while getting the point across.

ThatWeirdWeek · 07/01/2021 16:19

Pretend to be on the phone

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 16:20

@coronafiona

She could be lonely and trying to make a friend. People are starved of company at the moment. Be kind.
I have been kind.
OP posts:
LarryUnderwood · 07/01/2021 16:21

Just be direct and say 'I'm sorry, its been very nice to meet you. But I come here for peace and quiet and I don't want to chat right now.'

iklboo · 07/01/2021 16:21

Pretend to be on the phone

That's not going to work

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time!

Tianatiers · 07/01/2021 16:22

This sounds tough. Either find somewhere else to walk your dog or just smile politely and say hello but say that you'd like to walk on your own and get some peace. If she ignores this then you have every right to just walk and ignore her, if she really can't pick up on clues then she probably won't even notice your ignoring her and she'll just babble on. Wear ear plugs. Not sure what else to suggest!

openallthetime · 07/01/2021 16:22

Headphones on, visibly, pretend you're on a work call. Keep doing this until she gets the hint.

TinyTear · 07/01/2021 16:23

@ThatWeirdWeek

Pretend to be on the phone
the OP actually was and she went on and on!!

This is my idea of hell... for all the people saying oh she might have an invisible disability, but the OP may also have NEED for quiet and solo time - goodness knows i do, need solo time after WFH and having kids at home and so on

CorianderBee · 07/01/2021 16:23

Put headphones in. When she talks to you just say 'oh sorry, I'm listening in on some work training today as I'm swamped'.

Repeat until she avoids you.

CorianderBee · 07/01/2021 16:24

If she continues to talk just tell her sorry you're busy

CakeRequired · 07/01/2021 16:24

I know people like this who are in their late 20s. It's not dementia, autism etc they just simply don't care about what anyone else is thinking. They interrupt you when you're talking, they randomly switch topic when they are no longer interested in you, and they don't have any manners at all.

On this one though without knowing her, she sounds lonely. Guessing because of covid she's been cut off from family and friends and is now seeking human interaction from anyone.

However, loneliness, autism, any disability etc does not mean that op or anyone has to spend their time talking to people when they don't want to. If I'm out for a walk, I don't want to talk to anyone, I'm happy on my own. Just want to walk and think, it's my recharge time. Can't recharge if someone is jabbering away at me. OP isnt her friend, her family or her carer, she has no responsibility towards this woman. If she wants to be nice some days and chat to her, she can, but she can also say no and this woman should be respecting that
That's the issue here, she doesn't understand or maybe even doesn't care. OP shouldn't have to be running away or hiding from her. That's not fair.

cittabassa · 07/01/2021 16:24

I agree with those saying you must be assertive, which shouldn't be confused with rude. Rudeness is unkind, assertiveness is not.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/01/2021 16:25

“I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint.”

I’m not sure you know what “assertive” is. Hinting is not being assertive.

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