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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
Ineedalargeone · 10/01/2021 08:23

Maybe lonely

curedragon · 10/01/2021 08:44

My mum talks at people and just goes on and on - I literally cannot listen to her having a phone conversation. She has no mental health issues as such (just a narcissist imo)

lemonsquashie · 10/01/2021 09:36

You're going to have to be rude. Pretend to be on a call. When she approaches

franfranwills · 10/01/2021 09:40

Honestly I have had exactly the same problem in our village always same people want to talk rubbish when I'm on my walks.

I enjoy going for walks and listening to music on my headphones still kept happening so I bought a pair of these ones there so big people seem to leave me alone now 😂😂

Try it good luck.

RealisticSketch · 10/01/2021 09:42

Op was literally on a call for real and the lady was still talking at her.
Just look her in the eye and say nicely, just to let you know that I walk the dog to be alone and I don't want this conversation. Sorry about that but you will need to talk to someone else in future.
It isn't rude, it isn't mean, it's clear - and for someone who obviously doesn't read normal hints and cues it is obviously the only way to convey she isn't welcome. It isn't rocket science it's just unusual for us Brits. 😆

Sparklfairy · 10/01/2021 16:34

I know a couple of people like this. One is my neighbour and she did the thing of talking even though I was on the phone Shock she's just eccentric though but I do find myself walking in a different direction when I see her.

The other is a nightmare and I inwardly groan when I see her, usually at the bus stop so can't escape. She started chatting at me and another lady came to the bus stop and we chatted too - and the annoying woman was carrying on a totally different conversation to what the other lady and I were talking about! Bizarre. I do think there's mental health issues with her though. My brother used to work in the same supermarket as her and her behaviour is really strange. I always avoid her checkout!

It's exhausting and really rude. Like they see you as an object to be talked at rather than a person.

rosinavera · 10/01/2021 16:41

I think headphones sounds the best answer! Best of luck OP! x

nevernotstruggling · 10/01/2021 16:52

I wonder if her house overlooks the park 😂.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 10/01/2021 17:30

Can we stop conflating autism which is a neurodisability with mental health issues - not the same things at all Wink

mumda · 10/01/2021 23:49

Hold your hand up flat to her. Say to the person on the phone: I've just got to tell this woman I'm working.
Then take down your hand and say: please leave me alone.

Don't be rude and add: do you need me to ring your carer.

ellyeth · 11/01/2021 00:07

There's a lady like this when I take my dog out for a walk. She collars anybody and then starts going on about her various operations and hospital visits. I don't want to be rude so I try and avoid locations that she frequents. It is very difficult, though, if there are no other suitable places to walk your dog. I think I would just say I'm sorry but I don't have time to stop and chat.

Tzimi · 11/01/2021 03:41

@mumda As Arnold Schwarzenneger said, "Talk to the hand!"

SnappedAndFartedInMaui · 11/01/2021 10:24

@curedragon

My mum talks at people and just goes on and on - I literally cannot listen to her having a phone conversation. She has no mental health issues as such (just a narcissist imo)
Narcissism is a mental health issue though. Linked usually to complex ptsd. I think it must be no less debilitating and lonely than any other mental issue
SnappedAndFartedInMaui · 11/01/2021 10:33

@IrmaFayLear

Someone will come along now, mark my words, and say, "But women shouldn't be conditioned not to hurt people's feelings/people pleasers yada yada" . It's nothing to do with being a woman, man or three-toed sloth. It's about knowing you are a decent person, whilst still being able to stand up for yourself. You don't have to prove your worth by being cruel.
This.

I have no issue with the OP setting boundaries with this lady, but there is a kind way to do this and a cruel way. Nothing to be gained from being cruel.

Lookslikerainted · 11/01/2021 11:16

I feel sorry for her and for you. There doesn’t seem to be a way out unless you’re really rude for her!

Lookslikerainted · 11/01/2021 11:16

To her*

janex1 · 11/01/2021 11:19

You are making me feel ancient- I just turned 55. Hilarious! Her age has absolutely nothing to do with it! Just pretend she is invisible. If she has "issues" of any kind or simply has skin as thick as a rhino you won't be the only person she does this to so simply ignore her and keep walking.

Clarice99 · 11/01/2021 13:09

@Sinful8

And yet in the other thread people are saying one of the diagnosable signs of autism is talking endlessly about a favorite subject regardless of the listerners attention

Autism presents differently in different people.

I have no desire to chat with strangers. Some autistic people may want to chat to strangers.

But just because someone talks to random people while out walking their dog doesn't mean they're autistic or have dementia.

Also, there's no mention of person in question talking about their 'favourite subject'.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 11/01/2021 13:20

With regards to her age, it might be menopausal brain fog. I'm a nightmare with this, my husband was worried I had early dementia as I kept repeating myself and asking him the same question over and over again. I don't realise I'm doin it and it's a recent thing since I hit the menopause age window.

SnappedAndFartedInMaui · 11/01/2021 13:53

@FlyNow

Oh no this sounds awful. I would have just changed parks immediately.

Something similar happened to me, I used to go to a pool to use the spa. One time a man sat down next to me in the spa and started chatting the way OP describes. Constant, talking at me. He told me a story on repeat about how he got his brain injury. I didn't mind that one time, but then I pretty much saw him every time from then on. I couldn't come at a different time as I went after work, so I just stopped going.

Sounds just like a guy I know who lives locally to me (North Bristol area). always tells everyone he meets about how he got his brain injury. I feel sad for him, he has been through so much so sometimes I let him chat a bit and smile but I do find him exhausting as I have my own issues I struggle with. I do feel a need to have my own space.
Witendparent · 12/01/2021 08:01

She possibly may have Asperger's, people with this have no or limited social cue skills. I'd try being straight forward and say clearly to her something like, I'm sorry but I really need some time to myself would you please give me some space, nothing personal I'm just need some me time. I've found outright honesty works best.

ivykaty44 · 12/01/2021 08:10

It would seem, as others have said this isn’t normal behaviour.

I’d stop looking at this woman out of the corner of your eye and instead approach her. Explain I have work to do but can manage a couple of minutes chat. But stand still. Then say right I am going to have to have peace and quiet now for other stuff. Say good bye and walk away - if at this point she tries to talk, gently say no I need peace and you need to find someone else to talk to

That way you’ve been kind but hopefully get your space and jyst give up 2/3 minutes of your day

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 12/01/2021 08:43

Is she still bothering you OP or have you found a way to shake her off?

bluegovan · 12/01/2021 14:05

@Witendparent

She possibly may have Asperger's, people with this have no or limited social cue skills. I'd try being straight forward and say clearly to her something like, I'm sorry but I really need some time to myself would you please give me some space, nothing personal I'm just need some me time. I've found outright honesty works best.
It's ironic that so many (presumably) neurotypical people on this thread have been so bloody insensitive and tactless in their throwaway comments about autism, while simultaneaously assuring everyone that autistic people don't understand social cues, tact, etc.
Mittens030869 · 12/01/2021 14:44

I’m reminded of my MIL. She loves chatting to people she doesn’t know, wherever she meets them, for example on coach journeys or at tourist sites. When she’s staying with us, she persistently seeks me out to try to talk with me. I find it exhausting so I dread her visits, which is a shame as she’s a lovely Grandma to our DDs and a very loving person.

The problem is that she really doesn’t have any ability to understand that there’s such a thing as an appropriate time and place to talk to someone. For example, she approached me to ask if she’d upset me one morning when I was in the middle of dealing with a meltdown from DD1 (11), who has SEN and adoption related attachment issues.

My MIL doesn’t have any hidden disabilities. She just talks too much. She’s not as extreme as the woman the OP is talking about, but it sounds like the same kind of thing.

I think that this is a case of being too polite, which is a very British characteristic. The lady the OP is talking about possibly isn’t even aware that the OP doesn’t want to talk to her. It’s a case of being socially clueless rather than having a disability.