To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

@Sheleg

Big headphones and "JUST FUCK OFF". If this doesn't work, tell her she's harassing you and if she doesn't leave off you'll report her.

That’s a bit savage and a waste of police resources.

Yes you need to be cruel a bit and step it up till you achieve some peace. Dont say I'm sorry say "Please go and talk to someone else I need to be quiet".
Keep on at her with the same sentence. Please leave me alone or however you want to put it. Increase the level of irritation in your voice each time.
You will have to accept you need to be really rude to detach her. Oh no not you again may sink in!

OP I agree with what others said, either headphones or take up jogging (or both). I started of thinking I was going to feel sorry for her but bloody hell, how rude of her to talk at you while you're on the phone!

Definitely sounds like she has a social communication disability, you don't need to be rude but you probably need to be more direct as she won't take normal cues, infuriating I'm sure but it sounds like she has no idea that what she's doing is a bit odd by usual standards.

This would have annoyed the fuck out of me pre Covid but I'd try the requisite 90 million 'polite' ways to 'get rid'

Right now I'd have no problem telling her to leave me alone. I don't want anyone breathing at me, let alone some park dwelling, idiot.

YANBU not appreciating her company YABU not telling her to go away

I think clear and blunt is the way to go hear.
'i can't talk today!'
Did you hear me I can't talk today

What you describe isn't normal at all. She clearly took no notice of any of your cues, didn't seem to want to have a 'normal' conversation - just talk at you - and didn't react in any way to your 'blanking' her once you finished the call. Are any of the conversations you've had 'real' conversations, with her seeming to listen to and respond to your comments? Or just monologues?

You aren't going to get anywhere operating by the normal rules, there is clearly something amiss, even if it's simply raging, abnormal arrogance. So ditch the rules.

'Sorry, I need to make a personal call in a moment, I don't want to walk with anyone'

'Sorry, I am uncomfortable with chattign now we are in lockdown. Could you stay away please?'

You're going to have to be very blunt.

Or be equally odd yourself - she's odd - no reason not to also be. Like, you could literally run after your dog away from her, or abruptly say 'I need to go' and turn on your heel and haste away from her in the opposite direction.

I work with a woman like this...she has a husband, kids etc. and no disability, but doesn't know when to stop talking. I walked into the toilet once and closed the door and kept talking through it!

I got to the point when I'd say "Right, just work talk. I don't have time to hear about anything else at all." When she started to ramble I'd say "stop, that's not about work". Sounds harsh but she laughs and says sorry.

I'm the only one straight enough to do this, everyone else is just sick of her and avoid her now. Funnily, we get on very well.

I would agree with PP that she could have a learning disability.
Big earphones and brisk walks but please be kind

She might be lonely because she's constantly talking at people and making them not want to spend time with her. I can't f*cking stand people like that. There's 'not being able to understand social cues' and then there's just being bloody irritating/obtuse. I know a few people with social disorders (and have worked with many more) and none of them do what this woman is doing to you - or, at least, not in this way.

There's a bloke who did this to my husband a couple of times when he was out walking by himself on the beach near our house. He was incredibly racist (the bloke, not my husband) and said things like: 'Seen any migrants today'? whilst pointing out to sea, and a few weeks ago he informed my husband he'd 'turned over' a 'migrant camp' in the woods not far away. My husband told him he wasn't interested in his pig-ignorant, racist rhetoric and downright bullshit and, oddly, the twat hasn't bothered him since! I wish I could be that forthright!

@NoProblem123

I would agree with PP that she could have a learning disability. Big earphones and brisk walks but please be kind

I have been kind.

So so far we have had, Dementia,autism and definitely a mental health issue of some sort🙄 or you know she could just be a bit annoying ,some people are they don't have to have a diagnosis.

@iklboo

Bloody hell the 'might have dementia' came out early on this one.

Exactly. That must be the fastest ever.

I don't think there is a husband and kids

What do others do about her? Someone that full on must be well known by other dog walkers - have you clicked as to what their strategies are?

I’d probably do the big headphones thing to be honest - or put some blame on the dog (ddog can’t be hear yours today as he’s on meds or similar)

YANBU in the slightest, buuut, have you tried having an actual conversation with her ie 'do you spend alot of time here?' 'Have you seen this space u can go?'

Can you say 'ahh, need some company do you? I remember you saying about - whatever - here.

Its probably the kindest way to say, you seem a bit odd are you ok? And getting a back story.

Either that or you guys are magnets and she thinks it's super weird how you always walk the dog when she does

Its shit I get it. But yeah, I guess shes lonely or just lacks boundaries.

Go at 5AM....just to see... just once 😂😂

There's clearly some (possibly undiagnosed) SEN here. (Speaking as someone with ADHD and from a family of people with ASD).

Beating around the bush or giving hints (e.g. coughing, talking on the phone etc) just isn't going to work. You need to be VERY direct with her. Stop being so bloody British in other words . Channel a more direct culture (Danish or Japanese springs to mind) and tell her exactly what you need her to do.

If it was me, I'd wear big headphones that are impossible to miss. When she approached, I'd say, "I can't talk today, I need to listen to this". When she just ignores you and carries on talking, stop walking, face her and say kindly but firmly. "I'm sorry but I can't concentrate on what I'm listening to if you talk to me. I need you to go away and talk to someone else instead. Please go now. Have a lovely day". And walk off.

If she carries on talking to you, ask her "why are you not walking away? I have asked you to please not to talk to me today".

If it works, wear the same headphones next time and repeat.

@x2boys

So so far we have had, Dementia,autism and definitely a mental health issue of some sort🙄 or you know she could just be a bit annoying ,some people are they don't have to have a diagnosis.

There's annoying and then there's a total inability to read social cues. As many pps have said this is way beyond "normal" annoying behaviour. Presumably either a cognitive deficit of some sort or somewhere on the autism spectrum.

I'd try being very specific and clear so she cannot misunderstand that you don't want to talk to her eg "I am too busy to talk and I would like to be on my own. Please could you not walk with me or talk to me."

If that doesn't work then you either put up with it or go somewhere else.

It’s difficult because it does sound like there is possibly something wrong with her, maybe she’s on the spectrum or something? But you are going to have to be blunt or you’ll never be rid of her.

There was a mum on the school run a bit like that - she couldn’t have a conversation but would just talk “at” you and ramble on and on and on. I spent half my life avoiding her as she walked the same route as me. She was a terrible snob too and I actually told her so one day when she made a snotty comment - she still wouldn’t leave me alone! It was SUCH a relief when her youngest left for the high school!

Wow, I have no advice, I wouldn’t know how to handle that. I’d probably just take my dog to a different park by car- a complete faff and massive inconvenience to myself but I can’t be purposely rude to someone who I think has some type of difficulties. The person above who said it would be like kicking a puppy has it spot on about how I would feel.

Maybe go with a really bad story, like you accidentally stabbed your husband 8 times because he wouldn’t help you with the washin and now think your in trouble with the police and they are “after you” - something that makes her think you are the crazy one and scares her off? 😂

I used to work in a place where one of the cleaners was like this in the morning. Like you, I’m always happy to chat, sociable person etc, but this woman was incessant - every day she would wait for you if you were sorting something, opening rooms up etc, and she’d follow you or make a beeline for you when she spotted you in a corridor. She’d give the same stories, and ask me a question but chatter over the answer. When she was ok holiday we had a lovely student as a cleaning temp who was amazing at the job AND cracked on instead of chatting to everyone for hours and everyone wanted her to stay I left there in the end, so I’ve no advice but just wanted to say YANBU as it was really draining and irritating

@NoProblem123

I would agree with PP that she could have a learning disability. Big earphones and brisk walks but please be kind

Is ignoring someone and pretending to be ok with their harassment kind? Is it kind to pester people? What kind methods do you suggest for getting rid of this woman? Op doesn't owe her anything.

You are not being rude to say to her that you need quite time and you don’t want to talk. I don’t know why people think that being firm with someone in that situation is rude! Quite clearly, SHE is being spectacularly rude, albeit potentially unintentionally / with the justification of SEN or some form of mental ill-health.

You aren’t being unfriendly to just say very clearly that while you are happy to sometimes talk, you mostly want time to yourself while walking the dog. You could perhaps combine that with also asking her if she is okay (she doesn’t sound okay to me).

It’s not being rude to be clear and firm! Stand up for yourself, and remember that she is the rude one here.

Eh, I don't think there's anything wrong with her, other than just an being overbearing twat.

I have a neighbour like this, a man in his late 30s. He lives alone and clearly hates it and forces his 'friendship' on anyone he sees as an easy target. I used to be polite but his window overlooked the road I'd go past for my run or bike ride. And without fail he'd come out to join me! Even when I had headphones in and wasn't talking to him - he'd just talk at me. I tried telling him I preferred running alone, still didn't work. Other neighbours had the same issue. And I made the mistake of inviting him for drinks with other neighbours (thinking maybe he was just lonely) - and he wouldn't stop talking over everyone. He couldn't handle not being the centre of attention and would sulk if people were ignoring him.

I realised he was just an arse. The kind of person who thinks they have a right to your time and company, and won't take no for an answer because it's not convenient to them. In the end I had to be very rude and say, "For god's sake, can you please leave me alone. If I need company on my run I will let you know". He looked shocked, and instead of apologising, actually looked annoyed!! But then found another target in the neighbourhood....

So just be rude and tell her to bog off, because nothing else will work.

Surely at this point you just have to tell her directly to leave you alone? She hasn't got the hint so far so you will have to be a bit more forward. Just say "look, I'm out walking my dog and I want to have some time by myself. Can you leave me alone please?"

She's not a friend or family member - you have no obligation to indulge her!

If she still doesn't leave you alone after that then she is harrassing you and you should tell her so. Don't be afraid to be forward and tell her directly.