To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

I would just find a new park, which is such a shame. I just don't know how to make it more obvious than you already have. I do empathise as I get so stressed when people impinge on my quiet headspace. Arghhhhhhh

You can tell I am not English as I have encountered people like this and did not have a polite response.
" Go away, I dont want to talk to or listen to you ". No please , no sorry.
This woman either cant or won't take subtlety so bluntness might work.
Seems like you cant offend her so why let her ruin your walks.

You British (English?) are so polite! It's actually quite charming that you haven't just rudely brushed her off with an f word or two by now.
I lived in Germany for a long time and one thing about the Germans, they are quite direct, don't beat around the bush with polite euphemisms!

Yes, being nice and polite are good characteristics but it's time you put your foot down with some good old-fashioned directness. Just tell her, straight, that you want to be alone. She was rude first; and you're not actually being rude. You're telling it like it is; if she can't take it (like Germans can) it's not your fault.

@Sheleg

Big headphones and "JUST FUCK OFF". If this doesn't work, tell her she's harassing you and if she doesn't leave off you'll report her.

funny, but not the most realistic or kind

I have one of these people on my walk, but she definitely has a learning disability. She loves walking dogs so she walks other people's and is out all the time. She stops everyone and tells them all about the dogs, repeating the same facts over and over again.

I can be nice because I only stop for a few minutes and then continue on my circuit around the woodland. Also, my dog is aggressive to others that approach him so he often gives me a chance to escape!

If it bothers you so much you'll just have to go somewhere else to walk.

The coldness on this post saddens me. I have a disabled daughter who doesn't understand social cues, talks constantly and wants to talk to everyone.
She's not obviously disabled, it's a hidden disability.
She's also obviously non neuro typical, if you take the time to speak to her.
It actually brings me to tears the thought that she could one day be a fifty year old woman walking her dog in the hope of making some friends with a mutual interest, and people would be so cold and unwilling to engage.
Some of the replies aren't nice at all.

Why can't you just say you prefer not to talk to anyone whilst walking the dog?

@PlanDeRaccordement

I’m sorry she is ruining your walks. But by your description that she tells the same things to you on repeat every day, she can’t pick up on social cues that you say you have been assertive in telling her you don’t want to talk, the fact she doesn’t abide by social norms- clearly following you. Clearly not normal behaviour. So in sum, is it possible she may be cognitively challenged and disabled? We have a profoundly disabled young man in our village who is similar he talks to everyone who goes by, can’t seem to remember who is who or what he’s already said and he doesn’t walk, he dances his way around the village. He can be a bit annoying at times, but he’s harmless and to hurt him by being nasty would be like kicking a puppy. He wouldn’t know why. So we all just tolerate him and look out for him.

This is true and she may have some kind of cognitive difficulty or autism, but that doesn't mean that OP has to become her daily companion if she doesn't want to.

I don't mean to be harsh but OP is out walking her dog, not providing a companionship service for a disabled person.

It's one thing to say hello but this sounds really intense and OP shouldn't feel guilty about the fact that she's not happy with it.

@TheHateIsNotGood

It's probably "age-related" OP - you say late 40s/50s - definitely relevant in this case as no one under 40 would possibly do this.

Yes, there's a button that switches when you hit 40 and you become a total pain in the arse 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Gobbeldegook

The coldness on this post saddens me. I have a disabled daughter who doesn't understand social cues, talks constantly and wants to talk to everyone. She's not obviously disabled, it's a hidden disability. She's also obviously non neuro typical, if you take the time to speak to her. It actually brings me to tears the thought that she could one day be a fifty year old woman walking her dog in the hope of making some friends with a mutual interest, and people would be so cold and unwilling to engage. Some of the replies aren't nice at all.

I understand but surely you don't expect every random person in the park to stop and indulge her?

That's just not realistic and not how life is. Some people will have time to stop and talk but others obviously won't have time, or just won't feel like it, or are introverts, or whatever. All those people deserve to enjoy the park in their own way as well.

Oh my. She's called Andrea, isn't she???

Yes, we have one in the park. Not only does she latch on to people who don't want to talk to her, but she's also a two faced b*h who does nothing but be spiteful and nasty about other people - most of whom you have never met and won't even meet (and behind their backs, other people in the park that she meets). We can all work out a fairly good explanation for why she is lonely. And why everybody tries to head in the opposite direction when they see her.

Incidentally, her latest moan is that she is the only person at work still left on furlough. We just can't imagine why....

I'd just completely ignore her, maybe that's mean but she clearly doesn't care whether or not you're actually listening. Just keep walking and blank her.

Theres only one way to sort this. Tell her straight to leave you alone.

It sounds like autism or similar

I'm autistic and I dread bumping into all the over-friendly neurotypical people who populate my dog walking areas and invade my solitude. I think she's just someone whose level of sociability and thickness of skin is incompatible with the OPs. Might be neurodiverse, might be neurotypical, but impossible to diagnose from a short MN post.

I'd just wear noise-cancelling headphones, as pps have suggested, and say very loudly, "look I'm sorry, I know you like to talk, but I am stressed and I need to be on my own. Dog walks are my only headspace at the moment". Then stride off and ignore her. Same the next walk, and the next. It might be rude, but it's also rude to impose yourself on someone who doesn't want company.

You will have to be direct OP

You could just be rude and direct - but I sense that this isn't something you'd find easy to live with. (It might not work!)

How about direct and kind ... within limits that you set? (Hello - I don't want to talk today. Let's talk next Tuesday instead. Which way are you going? I'll go this way then. Speak to you on Tues. )

She clearly needs to talk. Perhaps she really is very lonely for some reason. (Having a family does not always prevent that.)

we are all human and this affliction could happen to anyone. by affliction I mean both being unable to pick up on social cues and be hassled by random bore. any one of us could just have easily become a bore, she's obviously not doing it on purpose! so - if possible- kindness is the key. I would avoid the park or go at a completely different time except when you think you can take it.

Could you take up jogging round the park instead?

Does she have 3 spaniels and a strange hat?

If so, she might be me,

You don’t have to be rude, or unkind, just direct.

Next time she approaches you, put your hand up and say.”Let me stop you there. This dog walk is the only chance I get to be on my own and think, and I really need it. So, without wishing to be rude, I don’t want to talk to anyone. Thank you for your understanding.”

Then walk away.

If she follows, try “I’m not here to talk, I’m here for peace and quiet. Please leave me alone.”

headphones on no eye contact if she still follows you then when you are walking just stop completely suddenly turn around and walk back the way you came when she circles back and catches up do the same keep doing it until she stops following you. its harsh i will make you both look bonkers but its non confrontational. im sorry but in these times self care is so important for us and this 30 mins is YOUR time.

You definitely need to be more assertive OP. Pointing at your phone didn’t work, so you need to be more direct.

Start having fake phone calls- just put headphones in and when you see her approaching start making random replies to the ‘person on the phone.’ Then, tell her firmly that you are on the phone and cannot talk. Repeat as required.

@1WayOrAnother2

You will have to be direct OP

You could just be rude and direct - but I sense that this isn't something you'd find easy to live with. (It might not work!)

How about direct and kind ... within limits that you set? (Hello - I don't want to talk today. Let's talk next Tuesday instead. Which way are you going? I'll go this way then. Speak to you on Tues. )

She clearly needs to talk. Perhaps she really is very lonely for some reason. (Having a family does not always prevent that.)

I see where you're coming from but also don't think OP should commit to speaking to her on Tuesday, or any other time, if she doesn't want to. Saying that will begin to create a dependency and make it a "thing", which this person could then expect to grow into a friendship. A very one-sided friendship which isn't wanted by OP.

OP has literally no obligation to this person. If she wants to help and provide some companionship then that's great, but she seems to want a quiet dog walk - and is entitled to that.

If the person is disabled then there are usually local befriending services that actually find volunteers to provide this kind of thing. Perhaps OP if you are feeling like you need to help in some way, you could look up local befriending services and pass on the details to this woman. But don't get involved yourself if you don't want to.

Be clear and rude; " Go away, leave me alone"
Escalate the rudeness until she gives up.

I've never had a dog but sounds very much the equivalent of the gym dwellers who never seem to do any exercise, just hang around on various pieces of equipment and prevent people from doing much by talking at them. Very annoying! YANBU. Big set of headphones required!

@LastResponder

Start coughing at her, repeatedly.

Yes I was going to say this. Great for making people cross the road to avoid you right now.