To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

@user1471565182

😂😂😂
"I usually pretend i can't speak English, but she has all ready noticed you can or hasnt she"

Hi Op
😕You could allways pretend you are a member of the Mormon church or a Jeavoha witness member of church goer
Or
Even a member of a weird Cult and talk non stop about your religion or your cult ideas/faith.
😂😂😂

It works brilliantly with those nobheads who hassle you for your card details in town or just random nutcases trying to get your attention, just learn some vague slavic phrases and they leave you be.

Maybe she’s a ghost forced to wonder the park all day trying to talk to people. Tell her to go into the light.

I mean it’s worth a shot.

oh for goodness sake stop telling people to be kind - and it's always women isnt it?

yesterday I had to tell a fucking chugger in my high street "not even bloody lockdown stops you bothering people"

he is always there and always trying to talk to people with some clipboard and i used to politely refuse until i just stopped being polite. don't get near me and don't talk to me.

so @IAmARectangle does NOT need to bloody be kinder than she has already been... she needs to tell the woman to shut up and go away

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

"You are so friendly and chatty but this is my quiet time so I will just walk alone today thanks."

Perfect.

There's a woman at the park near me who often approaches for a chat. She seems to have some sort of mental health issues, because she always asks the same question: 'Is he friendly?' (re the dog)

I tried all the polite ways repeatedly and they didn't work. Now I just respond with 'Yes, but I'm not.' and walk on.

I'm sure she finds someone to talk to every day. I've done a few turns, but it's not my turn every day.

@PlanDeRaccordement

I’m sorry she is ruining your walks. But by your description that she tells the same things to you on repeat every day, she can’t pick up on social cues that you say you have been assertive in telling her you don’t want to talk, the fact she doesn’t abide by social norms- clearly following you. Clearly not normal behaviour. So in sum, is it possible she may be cognitively challenged and disabled? We have a profoundly disabled young man in our village who is similar he talks to everyone who goes by, can’t seem to remember who is who or what he’s already said and he doesn’t walk, he dances his way around the village. He can be a bit annoying at times, but he’s harmless and to hurt him by being nasty would be like kicking a puppy. He wouldn’t know why. So we all just tolerate him and look out for him.

I was thinking the same, she’s likely to have some social and intellectual issues, so although harmless can certainly be annoying, but would probably be very shocked and surprised if you were abrupt or rude with her. Tricky situation to be in. ☹️

@Krazynights34

I can’t be arsed to read the whole thread. But late 40’s/early 50’s????? Really? Are you 12?

That was to avoid the instant Dementia diagnosis

@RincewindsHat

Just explain to her, nicely, that this is your quiet time and you want to walk in peace and not talk to anyone, so can she please leave you alone while you walk your dog. Or say you are being extra cautious because of covid so do not want to interact with people you do not know at this time, so please can she find someone else to talk to. Just let her know what you want.

This

I used to know someone like this. She would come into the cafe i worked in with her carer. She would chat the hind legs off a donkey with most people. She used to make really awkward comments to some of us, like 'you look a bit strange are you wearing foundation?' Or if you bent over and she could see the top of someone's underwear she would say really loudly "oh my I could cut cheese with that thong." She was harmless but completely socially unaware. I know it sounds a bit cold especially if you are a caring person but short and sweet, quite to the point worked best.

I used to work with someone like this who would talk at people all the time. Never a conversation as it was just about her. People like that are selfish. She probably is lonely but that's not your problem. I would tell her you do not have time and if she follows you shout over your shoulder repeatedly. Rude people rely on others being polite

Walk faster, if that doesn't work start jogging!

I have encountered a few people like this in gyms, they just talk at you even though you are obviously engaged in strenuous exercise.
Wear headphones, if they speak big grin, double thumbs up then head down and get on with what you were doing

@BuntysTwinkle

Yes, autism does present differently in people. I just found it amusing as it's totally the opposite to what I do.

@TableFlowerss

I suppose she means that the woman is struggling with the subtle signs and the body language that some people with autism struggle with.

Or she might just be one of those people who loves to bore the arse off people talk.

There is a way to be firm but not be nasty. "Be kind" has possibly lost its message because of appropriation by people who are clearly far from kind, but still it can't be good to feel you've badly hurt someone's feelings who isn't actively unpleasant, merely annoying.

I really like the, "Lovely to see you - but I need some quiet time/on work call" etc phrase. It's not rude but makes things clear.

The only problem is then if OP sees someone she does want to chat to....

differently in different people

Someone will come along now, mark my words, and say, "But women shouldn't be conditioned not to hurt people's feelings/people pleasers yada yada" . It's nothing to do with being a woman, man or three-toed sloth. It's about knowing you are a decent person, whilst still being able to stand up for yourself. You don't have to prove your worth by being cruel.

Every time be on the phone very loudly. And be having a different dramatic conversation each time. You husband is having an affair with the postman etc. But go super crazy over the top bunny boiler type acting. It’ll be fun for you making up stories and she’ll have conversation material to use with other poor victims but will quickly become tired of you clearly not listening 😊

Ha ha .. that would really piss me off too ! .... but you've pissed me off with your age comment !! I'm 54 and not in the habit of accosting dog walkers for a chat ! Believe it or not the over 50s are hard at work in our responsible jobs ... not wandering the community like friendless crones !!! 😂😂

Next time, just explain that your dog walk is your quiet time and you don't want to chat. It's not unkind, it's self preservation but by trying to be nice you've probably made it worse. Be firm and be prepared to tell her more than once.

@Alicatz66 - the OP put the age in a vain attention to stop the 'she might have dementia' posts. It didn't work.

You aren’t being unreasonable, but, maybe empathise that this women might be lonely.... you maybe the only company she has that day... I get how you feel mind you... but I’d think about it a bit x

Sounds like a great episode for Curb your Enthusiasm. I'd watch