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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

458 replies

IAmARectangle · 07/01/2021 14:55

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
Yogalola · 08/01/2021 17:36

Just acknowledge her briefly but don’t stop walking, if you are fit speed up a bit and make it obvious you are not intending stopping and chatting.

Beyondridiculous · 08/01/2021 17:37

I know exactly how you feel, I stopped using my local park to walk our dog as there was a particularly annoying woman. She has a large breed dog that she hardly ever lets off the lead or if she is off the lead as soon as she sees another dog it’s back on. That alone might seek normal but when other dogs try and play she constantly tells the dog off for being excited. Then acts as if everyone else’s dog is out of control for running about. She’s a very judgy dog owner and in the end I just couldn’t be bothered so stopped going there,

Misunderstoodcheese · 08/01/2021 17:38

She sounds like a ghost. Perhaps she was murdered and is in a shallow grave in the park. She needs your help to avenge her murder and to escape her endless dog walk in the park that she can't escape from.

Partayyyyy · 08/01/2021 17:38

oh god that would drive me mad you will definitely have to be blunt with this I think but then again I dont think she will listen anyway after still talking away while you was on a call good luck she sounds like a loon Confused

bpirockin · 08/01/2021 17:39

I really feel for you, it's hard. I suspect that there is an underlying condition, and maybe if you knew what it was you could manage the situation accordingly. However, with only your experience of her to go on, and the fact that she's not picking upon social cues, you are going to have to tell her straight. I'd be inclined to say that you've come out for a bit of peace and quiet, maybe even that you have a headache and really can't talk to her today. Once you've done that, if she still ignores it then a blunt "please leave me alone" may be required.

I can totally relate to this, having a blood disorder/brain damage which means that I have days when the world is just too busy for me. However, I also live alone and rarely see a soul, even before covid, so find the low level meet/greet with fellow dog walkers, a bit of a boon on most days.

The headphones also seem like a good idea if you happen to have a set of huge over the ear flourescent, in-your=-face ones!

CatAndHisKit · 08/01/2021 17:42

OP, you have to actually tell her, spell it out, not do awkward smiles or gesturing towards your phone etc.

She's not the type to get the cues, and probably is not 'neuro-typical' i.e. on autistic spectrum. You have to use a kind, nice tome but say to her that you are sorry but you want a quiet walk / need to think about your work, and tell her not to follow you (please) - he needs to hear excatly what you want.

CatAndHisKit · 08/01/2021 17:44

just cross posted with bpirockin almost word for word!

tommyhoundmum · 08/01/2021 17:48

You perhaps should smile at her the next time you see her and explain politely that this is your quiet time away from the family and you need solitude and quietness to recharge your batteries. Then another smile "please excuse me" and walk away.

Patsyanna · 08/01/2021 17:51

Sounds like the poor lady might have some mental health issues. There certainly seems to be quite a lack of awareness on her part. If she's always there when you are it probably means she spends most of every day there. A bit sad really.

PinkPanther27 · 08/01/2021 17:53

Sounds like my worst nightmare

MrsLighthouse · 08/01/2021 18:01

I think l would just take the bull by the horns and say to her “ Thanks for being so friendly over the past months but l’ve decided to combine my walking with my meditation practice so l actually won’t be able to talk to you AT ALL when lm in the park from now on. I know you’re a lovely woman and will respect that. I’m starting today so thanks for the chats but lm gonna mediate now”

jigglybits · 08/01/2021 18:01

Perhaps she has autism?

Cloglover · 08/01/2021 18:02

If you see her coming for you, could you pick up your phone and when she gets to you actually say 'I cant talk. I'm on a work call and it's confidential' smile and walk off?

It's a lie but it spares your feelings and hers.

For whatever reason she isn't picking up on cues. She could have had a mild brain injury where this function has been lost?

Well done for remaining kind and polite under testing circumstances.

I'm very introvert so I wouldn't cope at all!

Slv199 · 08/01/2021 18:02

Have a tried coughing a lot and saying you think you have a temperature and asking her not to come close in case you infect her?!

Lisa46 · 08/01/2021 18:04

She definitely sound ill - I don't think hints will work in this situation.

MollyMinniesMum · 08/01/2021 18:10

Perhaps she is lonely or has issues. Whatever happened to human kindness and decency?

whitechocolatehobnobs · 08/01/2021 18:14

@MollyMinniesMum

Perhaps she is lonely or has issues. Whatever happened to human kindness and decency?
I think the OP has shown lots of human kindness and decency to this woman. What would you do in her situation? Would you just be happy to be talked at for ages each time you're at the park?
iklboo · 08/01/2021 18:14

Whatever happened to reading the full thread?

Carriecakes80 · 08/01/2021 18:20

@CrotchBurn

Maybe she actually lives in the park! That would be a plot twist...
Lol she's been dead for ten yeeeeears! Whoooooooooo... (ghost twist!) and she keeps coming back to haunt the place she died beco no-one would listen to where she got her ghost-dog from....and until someone hears her entire life-story, alas, she cannae pass through the pearly gates, and catch up to her soul.....
pollymere · 08/01/2021 18:22

It sounds like ASD or downright loneliness. I don't know if you have but say whilst you do like a chat, you really go dog walking to get away from people talking and being sociable so would really just like half an hour for your own thoughts.

numberoneson · 08/01/2021 18:28

@sneakysnoopysniper

Ive been on a few assertiveness courses. Its about being honest and open about what you want/need while at the same time acknowledging the needs of others.

So a good tactic is to say exactly what you want and then close the conversation and walk away. Maybe roll play saying what you wish to convey and the kind of tone you want to say it in, with a bit of an "edge" to it.

You are going to (probably) upset her but you have a right to consider your own needs.

You could begin by saying something like "I feel uncomfortable saying this but I have to speak to you about XXX"

Then lead into what you wish to make clear and what you want her to do.

Dont get into a deep discussion about the whys and wherefores. Use a very firm ending like

"Im sorry if this hurts you feelings but I just had to speak out. Thank you!"

Deliver the final "thank you" with a very brisk and decisive edge to it and walk quickly away.

I think this is the ideal way to try handling the situation.
Misshapencha0s · 08/01/2021 18:29

@ElDavidmeister

Sounds like a great episode for Curb your Enthusiasm. I'd watch Grin
What would Larry do?!!
Marcipex · 08/01/2021 18:36

There used to be a woman like this in our village. Actually quite pleasant in small doses, but v v repetitive and hard to get away from.
She would play hopscotch or hide and seek with any available children too.
She was widely tolerated, and humoured, because she was so good-natured. She had some learning disability but I’m only sure of that because I know she lived in supported housing.
If you didn’t want to chat with her, you had to be v specific eg ‘ I’m going to talk to my boss so I can’t chat. I always do this on my dog walk. Bye’
Hints and looking preoccupied would not work.

Kaia20 · 08/01/2021 18:45

Imagine if she’s just a ghost that lives in the park with her ghost dog? It would explain why she is always there... Hmm

Aglet · 08/01/2021 18:58

You could be talking about my sister. Happens to her every time she goes out. Same woman. Same conversation. She is obviously lonely.