To be annoyed that this woman ruins my dog walks?

[IAmARectangle]

I've name changed for this as I've moaned to a couple of friends in RL about it.

I live in a village that has a massive park in it, and I take our dog over to the park each day at least once as she loves it there. There is an area specifically for dogs so she can go off the lead, and she enjoys walking through the rest of it on the lead so she can have a sniff. The only other place in our village where she could go off the lead would be some woods, which are a fair walk from our house to get there and are also very muddy and flooded at this time of year. I am currently working from home and the kids are doing online learning, so I like to just nip out for a quick half hour walk.

For the last year or so there has been a woman with a dog who is at the park literally every single time I go there. Lets just say she is a chatterbox! She is always talking to someone at the park and if she gets there with her dog she makes a beeline to find someone to talk to and then talks and talks and talks and talks, about the same things over and over again.

In the last couple of months she makes a beeline for me every time she sees me. She is there literally every time I go to the park; I've tried walking the dog at every single time of daylight hours you could think of to avoid her but she is always, always there! If I think she's not there it isn't long before I see her out of the corner of my eye walking towards me and if I pretend not to see her she follows me and catches up with me, then just walks along talking at me and I just can't get away from her.

The other day I was on a work call whilst in the dog exercising area and this woman came and stood with me and as I walked around the area talking on my phone she just talked at me the whole time! I wasn't interacting with her in any way as I was on the phone but she just kept telling me the same stories that she's told me before, such as the story of where she got her dog from!

I've just literally been to the park now and as I walked into the park she was standing talking to someone so I sort of did a detour around her at the entrance so she wouldn't see me and went around the kids play area to enter the dog area a different way and yet still as we walked across the park to the dog area I could see her out of the corner of my eye following us. So I kept the dog on the lead and walked through the park as quickly as I could then made an escape and had to walk home on the main road as she was trying to catch us up.

It sounds ridiculous but she is ruining my dog walks! I like a half hour quiet walk to relax and for the dog to enjoy her walk. I'm not antisocial and always have chats with other walkers but this woman is something else! I'm normally pretty assertive but I've tried all the assertive things that would normally work and she doesn't get the hint. Even walking off from her saying 'right, better go now' she just follows me, talking at me! I can't get away from her until I actually walk out of the park gates. I've also been at the park with a friend and her dog before and this woman just started walking with us, talking 'at' us the whole time. Again, same old stories!

I don't think she's lonely as she talks about a husband and kids at home, and seems to know a lot of people. Not sure if age is relevant but she's late forties, early fifties at a guess.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

I can sympathise with this... my next door neighbour is constantly at my door. Sometimes 4 times and hour !! Has been knocking my door at midnight, 4 am, 5am, 6am. This has gone on for 3 years... she can't turn her TV on.. should she have a cup of tea and a sandwich. Blah blah... so, she now has carers going in once a day. Seems there's some learning difficulties there. But seriously she really pecks my head... tried the headphone thing and she just stands there. Anyway.... at 5.30am the other night shes knocking and rattling letter box.. of had a rough night so shouted its too early, she shouts back i can't turn my TV on... I shout back FUCK OFF....... not heard from her since ... job done...

Not 5.30 at night. 5.30am in the morning.

It does sound REALLY annoying and would totally irritate me too but... YABU because you just need to tell her. Extra clearly. She may have learning difficulties that mean she doesn't get your social cues, or she may just be a bit selfish. But she's probably just lonely.

I understand that where people clearly are not neurotic typical the right thing to do is be more patient, however this does not mean that they should be able to encroach on others' personal time or that neuro typical people should be expected to befriend/spend unreasonable amounts of time with them to their own detriment. I don't see this unkind - it's about balance. I have a relative who has severe learning difficulties and we wouldn't dream of allowing her to follow strangers, there's boundaries and balance with everything in life.

How about, "Sorry I don't speak English" or "Sorry I'm deaf I can't hear you"

She sounds well annoying!

I would be rude in your situation as it is justified. She has no right to harass you like this. I would say “please leave me alone” very firmly. “I don’t want to talk to you”. Leave no room for doubt. I think she will focus more on other people if you are ultra clear.

I wonder if she has Aspergers and not picking up on social cues? I’ve worked with a few folk with Aspergers and they’ll talk and talk untill you clearly say that’s enough now and ask them to leave. Rarely would they be upset at such a bold statement but actually appreciated a clear instruction.

Maybe just be clear.. I cannot talk today. Goodbye

Or “my walks are for me to be quiet and think. I’ll be walking on my own and not chatting. goodbye.”

That's a tricky one. Her behaviour is obviously different from the "norm" - as she doesn't pick up on your dislike of the situation - I also suspect that cognitively there is something else going on here. Many conditions can cause people to behave like this (side effects of medication, neurological conditions ). It's interesting that if this was a man doing it or an adult approaching a child in the park then it would be far more sinister. I don't think its in your power to to stop her but a pair of massive headphones might help her get the hint or tell her very firmly that you want to be alone.

@Polyxena

Good lord. Does anyone actually read the thread any more?

Hahahahahaha!

Nothing's changed!!

I don’t think you need to go straight to being rude. On your work call for example, you could have asked your caller to hold, put the call on mute and then say to the woman “I won’t be able to walk or talk with you today, this is an important work call and I need to focus”.

where people clearly are not neurotic typical

'Clearly'? I am quite shocked by how confident so many people on this thread are in diagnosing neurodiversity from a short description of a person's behaviour in one situation.

I'm awaiting autism assessment. I've filled in two long forms about all aspects of my life, behaviour and experiences - maybe 10-15 typed pages, plus another form completed by a family member all about my childhood. I've been told to expect a 3-4 hour assessment by a psychologist with additional training in diagnosing autism. It's really offensive to read all these throwaway "probably autistic" comments. Even if you're all psychologists or autism experts, you really can't have any idea based on a tiny snippet of info about somebody.

The OP doesn't need an explanation for this woman's behaviour. She has a good enough reason to just be clear and honest with her about wanting to be alone for half an hour to clear her head and relax.

I have a neighbour like this. He doesn’t get the hint at all that you need to leave/don’t want to chat. It transpires that he has mental health issues. Even though I know and understand this, it doesn’t make things any easier to deal with! My heart sinks if he’s outside when I arrive home or if he’s in his garden when I pop to the bin. My kids tell me to ignore him, but I wouldn’t find that easy at all.

I had similar but with a woman and toddler not a dog, they were trying to join in with my older kids playing football and then when we walked away, she followed us across the park even though we weren't acknowledging them at all. They eventually gave up and started following someone else. Covid aside, it's annoying when you're minding your own business and have to get involved with something you don't want. Just ignore her, or if she speaks, just answer very blandly without being rude, but not so friendly that you're encouraging further conversation and move away.

Quite @bluegovan ,I have a severly autistic child who was diagnosed at three and a half it still took seven months of assessment,s from a team of professionals to get a diagnosis .

Just be really clear. You can be clear without being unkind. State you do not want to talk to her again.

Oh gawd! A few years back DH had a picture framing shop and I used to help out. We were besieged by people like this, but we were too polite to say, "Look, if you don't want your pictures framed, bog off!"
In fact, we actually had one old chap round for Sunday lunch (because he was genuinely lonely) even though he would talk non-stop and drove us mad with his totally outdated views on life!

Even so, OP, the advice has got to be to stand up to her and tell her you don't want to talk to her. She might feel like she's had a smack in the face, but so what?
If I'm being generous, I'd say she doesn't sound all there - but you still need to give it to her straight and true. Good luck, OP.

YANBU! I walk my dog at least twice a day to get out and clear my head. No matter how many times, or what time I pass her house on the way out or the way back she appears - every single fucking time! And wants to chat, about nothing mainly. I get she’s probably feeling lonely but I don’t want to hang around chatting to her.

Now I jog up the street and when she appears I just say, “Sorry. Can’t stop. I’m listening to instructions on my fitness app” and just jog on past. So far it’s working 😊

Clearly has social issues (I'm thinking asd - i work with asd kids and lack of social skills, not understanding cues, talking at you rather than 2 you are all asd signs).

I would also say lonely. She may have mentioned a husband and kids but it could be that they no longer live with her or they are fictional.

She sounds like someone desperate for company and zero social skills. Something I've been guilty of since escaping the isolation of domestic abuse!

She might live looking on to the park and pop out everytime she sees someone.

I would walk a different route every other day. If she knows everyone, maybe ask them kindly if she's OK at home?

There’s a woman like this in my village. Walks her dog back and forth all day literally and latches on to anyone around her. It’s so annoying

I’ve often wondered what would happen if you spoke to people who talk the arse off a dead donkey, in the same way they spoke to you? So they couldn’t get a word in?

I may try it.
It’s bloody annoying, especially when all you want is a little down time. What ever you decide to do please update us. I’m interested to see if any of the above methods work.

How big is your village do you know her in any other context?

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

"You are so friendly and chatty but this is my quiet time so I will just walk alone today thanks."

This is the response I'd chose!!

Think yourself lucky OP I live with a man like this. My OH talks at me, same stories over and over, ignores me/talks over me without even noticing. I barely even try to join the conversation any more 🙄.. luckily he doesn't do that with other people though.

Any update OP? Have you tried any of the approaches suggested? I hope you’ve had some peace!

You don't need to be rude, you can just be clear. PPs have made suggestions.

I'd say
"Wendy (annoying lady), I come here to walk my dog in peace and quiet. I need this quiet break. You keep coming over. I don't want to chat to anyone as it disturbs my peace & my thinking time. We can wave but no more chatting or coming over to me please. Thankyou" (then walk away, don't engage)

Following time
"Wendy I don't want to chat to anyone, I'm enjoying peace with my dog, goodbye" (walk away)

"Wendy I don't want to chat. Please leave me to enjoy my quiet time. Goodbye" (walk away)

Repeat..