Do I have a right to be angry about this? (Trans related)

[Nc109283485]

Nc for obvious reasons. This is a very personal issue to me which I am understandably sensitive about, so this may be why I feel this way. I am perfectly happy to be told I AMBU! I believe trans people deserve love and respect and a happy life just like everyone else. So why did this concern and anger me?

I have a condition called vaginismus which has been very traumatic and caused me lots of grief over my life. In my eyes it is a very personal and female problem. (Look if up if you're not sure what it is).

I have tried to join a support group on a social media platform to really get to the bottom of it and sort it out. I wont say which one as dont want to 'out' either myself or the group involved. My request was pending and a message sent. I assumed this was to confirm I definitely suffer from this condition and to make sure I wasn't some strange pervert, but no! The administrator messaged me to say that before I was accepted I would have to answer a 'test question' as this is a gender inclusive group. Will I be addressing group members as 'ladies, men or everyone'. The tone felt quite aggressive and if I did not pass this test I would not be admitted.

My first thought was are men allowed to enter this group? Do I really have to speak about my vagina in front of 'everyone'? Why not say hello ladies (and the occasional transman who currently has issues with their vagina) no I have to address everyone? Wtf?

I honestly don't know what to think right now but this group clearly isn't for me. But maybe I just need some re-education?

It's not you. Endless Facebook groups now police their members' language and you'll be told you're transphobic for saying that women have vaginas.

I'd cancelled your join request and maybe see if you can find any other resources available.

I am also aware that this does not make me inclusive and I don't like that feeling. I think there are a jumble of concerns here.

@DappledOliveGroves

It's not you. Endless Facebook groups now police their members' language and you'll be told you're transphobic for saying that women have vaginas.

I'd cancelled your join request and maybe see if you can find any other resources available.

If it wasn't such a personal issue and I wasn't scared of the mob (yes I know I'm a wimp, but my current and future career depends on me being seen as 'nice' and 'inclusive'). And a lot of my work is with vulnerable women. So depressing.

@notreallybotheredaboutausernam

Transmen and some non binary people have vaginas too.

But everyone here will agree with you as MN is fiercly anti-trans.

Yes but it is still mostly a women's issue!

It's only a woman's issue.

I think that it’s unfair for you have to worry about being inclusive or not when trying to find a solution to a problem you have! You joined the group to get advice about something happening to your body, not to be educated on other people’s issues!

I would definitely look elsewhere for advice and support. I have heard a lot about vaginismus over the years and thought the NHS would be your first call - is there not a women’s charity that supports women with it? I will try to investigate and post here in a bit.

But everyone here will agree with you as MN is fiercly anti-trans

Surprisingly the largest community of mainly female people online doesn't really have any truck with female erasure.

There are no more women’s spaces. We’re not allowed them. It’s transphobic to question this.

I think I would usually say "hello everyone" as a matter of course TBH, nothing to do with gender identity or trans issues.

It's difficult to know whether they are doing this because they admit biological males though and I can see why you would be wary of that.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

It's only a woman's issue.

This.

www.thevaginismusnetwork.com/take-action

@notreallybotheredaboutausernam

Transmen and some non binary people have vaginas too.

But everyone here will agree with you as MN is fiercly anti-trans.

I imagine the percent of transmen joining a specific Facebook group about vaginismus is almost negligible given that the condition affects at most 15% of women.

Mumsnet is not "anti trans", unless by that you mean women's sex based rights are "anti trans". Which I suppose they are.

How is anti-trans to state that only women have vaginas?

Transmen with vaginas are women - who identify as men

@thebabessavedme

How is anti-trans to state that only women have vaginas?

Because transmen are men not women. Fuck knows why they’re trans men eh?

No, men do not have vaginas. It's not a male body part, however much we're expected to walk on eggshells around the feelings of a small group of people who "identify" as the opposite sex.

Apparently “ Equating genitalia to gender and only providing resources, information, and research for cisgender women with vaginismus, leaves many trans and nonbinary people feeling silenced or invalidated about their pain.”
Call me what you like, this leaves me feeling 🙄🙄🙄

I think this is it. Where is the policing on stopping biological males joining for the sake of it?

And why is this a place to make it a trans issue? Surely the right approach would be to say "just to let you know, we have some gransmen and non binary women in this group".

I recently enquired about a facebook ad from an organisation local to me, who were running a sexual assault survivors group for 'womxn', it was going to be done via zoom. It wasn't for me it was for a friend. I asked whether it would be women only as I knew she wouldn't join if it were for anyone. I was given a long aggressive spiel about how it was inclusive and for women and anyone who identifies as a women and that they were going on the guidance given by rape crisis Scotland. They didn't even have to option of 2 separate groups, one for women and one for 'womxn'. Sadly that will be any women who are pushed out of that support group now.

It doesn’t feel like a very friendly or practical group to me.

There might be a small number of trans men in the group, but they can be including by Hello Everyone. It’s odd for foreground this in a group that’s concerned with a difficult problem that is in the vast majority experienced by women.

You aren’t being unreasonable, and I would head elsewhere.

'some men have vaginas' - really?

It's nothing to do with "gender". It's simply about a person's biological sex.