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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my husband selfish - working from home?

205 replies

Kuro20 · 06/01/2021 20:05

For context my husband has a study before the lockdown and works in there. I've been working from home since April with no end in sight I started off trying to work on the kitchen table which was horrendous but after I bought a cheap desk I set up an office in our only spare room. There wasn't much room due to loads of crap and a double bed. Also the only position I could put the desk causes terrible lighting issues.
My mental health needs a boost and I wanted to change my 'office' to feel more work productive and help the lighting issue. To do this we took apart the bed and all our stuff... mainly my husband's stuff propped up against the wall. Its not great but gives me a bit more space. My husband complained and moaned the whole time making me feel awful. He wouldn't take any of his crap into his office.
He actually decided to move some of his stuff....trophies, photos, prints from his study to my room into our spare room . I said this was not fair as it's his and I don't have the space so we had an argument.
What he fails to see is that he has it easy in his office, he thinks I'm being demanding and difficult to want an office space and not take on his rubbish too.
He says I'm ridiculous and selfish
I said we both pay rent 50/50 so we potentially could share the office 50/50 which he said was impossible as it was his and always been his. My point was to highlight he has a study and hasn't once considered to share or be more understanding.

Am I being difficult? Should I accept it's HIS office/study and should I allow him to palm me off with his rubbish that he doesn't want but I don't have space for?

I don't know if I'm being difficult.
Thanks

OP posts:
LooseMooseHoose · 06/01/2021 20:07

Nope he is being a twat.

Pleatherforever · 06/01/2021 20:08

Could you offer to swap with him? Maybe it’s your turn to have the study and then he can store as many trophies as he likes in the spare room...

burritofan · 06/01/2021 20:09

Put all his stuff in his study. Or on a bonfire, frankly.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 06/01/2021 20:09

If the spare bedroom is bigger then under normal circumstances I’d let him store some things in there but as he’s being a cunt I’d put every last thing of his in his office and tell him that if it makes its way into the spare room again it’s going in a skip.

user1493494961 · 06/01/2021 20:10

I'd bag up all the trophies and crap and find somewhere outside to put it.

Gncq · 06/01/2021 20:11

Bloody hell!
Obviously it's just your side of the story here (not that I'm sure "his side" would be particularly redeeming) but I would not put up with that!

Take his junk out of the spare room and dump it in his study.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 06/01/2021 20:11

Race him to the study in the morning.

Peace43 · 06/01/2021 20:12

I’d burn his shit, he’s being a twat!

Original poster
Kuro20 · 06/01/2021 20:13

Thank you for the replies. I'm so angry and he made me think I was being unreasonable.
What irks me is his fecking snowboard and gear that he won't take.

I've suggested we do 50/50 and he point blank refused.

I'm really upset by his behaviour and attitude. If it was the other way around I'd feel bad for hogging our study for nearly a year.

I don't know how to explain to him he's being a twat.
And we've just taken apart the spare bed so I can't sleep in it tonight!

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 06/01/2021 20:15

He’s the one being difficult. I’d personally completely convert that spare room to an office for yourself. Haul all the extra stuff to the garage, or an attic- anywhere!

CoffeeRunner · 06/01/2021 20:15

Taking your post at face value - he’s being a complete twat!

arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2021 20:16

Is he a bit dim op or is there something you're not telling us (like there's 7 rooms in the house and one is for your shoes or something?)

How can he possibly argue with or not understand 50/50 of the space available?

I'm guessing - 1 joint bedroom, then 1 office each with your own stuff only in each. That's surely obvious and common sense isn't it?

RightYesButNo · 06/01/2021 20:16

Is this a joke? Either that or he’s been such a selfish asshole to you for so long that you can no longer tell when you’re being completely reasonable.

YANBU!!!! Look, to be fair, maybe if he outearns you by about 100 to 1, I could perhaps see the point of him needing his bloody study and you being the WFH Cinderella. But even then, it’s still very important for women to keep up with their careers, especially so they can support themselves if they ever have to leave a selfish, arsehole man.

As it is, it’s ridiculous that the spare room didn’t automatically become your “study” once you needed to start WFH. This whole idea of “studies” is ridiculous. You both have jobs. You both need spaces in which to do your jobs. As soon as you started to WFH, he should have had his office 50% of the time and the kitchen table 50% of the time, and you had the office 50% of the time, kitchen table 50% of the time. I bet he would have converted the spare room into a “second office” within a week.

I hope this is just some weird personality quirk on his part and he can be made to see what a silly arse he’s being, because it’s selfish as fuck and basically SCREAMS, “I am a man with a real career, and you’re a woman who can just set up your little notebook on the kitchen table,” I’d be damn unimpressed.

grumpytoddler1 · 06/01/2021 20:17

We have a study in our house and are both working from home. We each get half the time in the study. Why doesn't he think it would be fair for you to get half the time in the study, rather than being relegated to what appears to be the junk room?

NoSquirrels · 06/01/2021 20:18

He's an absolute wankbadger.

I don't know how to explain to him he's being a twat.

Don't bother. Take the snowboard into the office and prop it up artfully against his desk.

Or put it on your side of the bed and sleep on the sofa.

HumphreyCobblers · 06/01/2021 20:18

It is concerning that he has made you doubt yourself so much when he is clearly being selfish with hogging the study.

Winterwoollies · 06/01/2021 20:18

Echoing others, he’s being a selfish twat/dick/cunt/arsehole etc.

Is he normally so selfish?

Robbybobtail · 06/01/2021 20:18

Why does his need for a proper office with a clear space trump yours? Have you asked him?

Tell him he has 24 hours to clear his crap from your office/spare room or you’ll do it for him. He sounds like he has hoarding problems? my dh is a bit like this and hates getting rid of stuff but if it was getting in the way of me working I’d have no qualms about just chucking it/putting it in the garage. Just do it - he’s being a selfish arse.

Soubriquet · 06/01/2021 20:19

Have you got a shed?

I’d be tempted to dump the lot in there and say it’s “his shed”

Or call it your shed and watch him dump them in there himself

He’s being selfish

NoSquirrels · 06/01/2021 20:20

I hope this is just some weird personality quirk on his part and he can be made to see what a silly arse he’s being, because it’s selfish as fuck and basically SCREAMS, “I am a man with a real career, and you’re a woman who can just set up your little notebook on the kitchen table,” I’d be damn unimpressed.

Be glad you do not have children yet.

Because you can bet you'd be expected to do all the shitwork and keep him undisturbed whilst his Man Job took priority.

Do not put yourself in that position, OP.

LaceyBetty · 06/01/2021 20:21

Why would you even have to ask if you were being unreasonable? How is the study "his". He's ridiculous.

Original poster
Kuro20 · 06/01/2021 20:22

NoSquirrels this is the best idea! I can swap me for the snowboard paraphernalia Grin

I'm seething, I'm so angry.

I'm pleased and appreciate the responses as i'm clearly not being a twat and he is. It has made me mad and sad that he's doing this.

He does say I'm a princess and that he puts ups with so much and I get my own way all the time but I do feel this isn't fair. Since we've been together I feel I compromise a lot and bend to his quirks and habits.
He gets really pissy if I don't so it's easier just to go along with it
I don't have a voice and when I do I can't articulate myself
I tried to explain but he just says I'm being difficult....whilst he makes his study look like a fucking palace

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 06/01/2021 20:22

When I was a teenager my mom randomly decided my bedroom was going to be used as storage for stuff she couldn't be bothered to deal with or thought I should keep I put it outside my room she put it back in I put it out then she delegated my sister to put it back in stropping off I opened my bedroom windows and slang it out the window my father was called to deal with me he spoke to me and said to my mom send it to the GODDAM CHARITY SHOP

How big are your windows? Can you fit a snowboard through them?

NoSquirrels · 06/01/2021 20:23

I would be telling him he had these options

  1. Have all his shit in 'his' study
  2. Move out of 'his' study into the spare room with all his shit, and you have the study
  3. He can pay for storage for his snowboard and shit out of his own money

He can pick.

hadesinahalfahell · 06/01/2021 20:25

Argh! This has made me feel so angry on your behalf! King fucking dick in his clutter free castle whilst you try to work for months on end drowning in his old shite.