Is my husband selfish - working from home?

[Kuro20]

For context my husband has a study before the lockdown and works in there. I've been working from home since April with no end in sight I started off trying to work on the kitchen table which was horrendous but after I bought a cheap desk I set up an office in our only spare room. There wasn't much room due to loads of crap and a double bed. Also the only position I could put the desk causes terrible lighting issues.
My mental health needs a boost and I wanted to change my 'office' to feel more work productive and help the lighting issue. To do this we took apart the bed and all our stuff... mainly my husband's stuff propped up against the wall. Its not great but gives me a bit more space. My husband complained and moaned the whole time making me feel awful. He wouldn't take any of his crap into his office.
He actually decided to move some of his stuff....trophies, photos, prints from his study to my room into our spare room . I said this was not fair as it's his and I don't have the space so we had an argument.
What he fails to see is that he has it easy in his office, he thinks I'm being demanding and difficult to want an office space and not take on his rubbish too.
He says I'm ridiculous and selfish
I said we both pay rent 50/50 so we potentially could share the office 50/50 which he said was impossible as it was his and always been his. My point was to highlight he has a study and hasn't once considered to share or be more understanding.

Am I being difficult? Should I accept it's HIS office/study and should I allow him to palm me off with his rubbish that he doesn't want but I don't have space for?

I don't know if I'm being difficult.
Thanks

He gets really pissy if I don't so it's easier just to go along with it
Please nip this in the bud RIGHT NOW. It will get worse if you don't, until you don't recognise how you always get second best of everything.

I don't have a voice and when I do I can't articulate myself
Find your inner SCREAMING HARPY. Fuck "princess".

Ask him:

"DH, why is what you want more important than what I want? Why do you need more space and a better working environment than I do?"

Move all crap into his study. What a twat.

My dh has residence in the palatial study and I have to work in our bedroom. It's grating after nearly a year but he does have the good grace to think about how we might share it out in the future.

Throw it all out. Including him.

No. No, no, no!!!!

So you basically have a three-bed? One bedroom you sleep in together, one “study” for him, and one spare room filled with his stuff that he wouldn’t move so you could work. Is this correct? @arethereanyleftatall is spot on... otherwise, why the fuck are you paying 50% rent when he’s the one using 2/3rds of your bedrooms!?

I’m sorry, because I think maybe this was just about the office and now it’s more (typical MN), but someone who is an utter asshole to you and then tells you that you’re being difficult when you try to speak up to them... NO. I’m not saying leave, because I know this is one facet in one day, but please REALLY evaluate your relationship before it gets worse. As many have said, you’re already on here asking about a situation that is so obviously him being unreasonable, which shows me your self-confidence is shot.

Also, as his attitude is so shitty, and he has called you a princess, I would live up to it, to be perfectly honest. He thinks you're a princess? Start to be more demanding, not less.

Do the snowboard on bed tonight and sofa sleeping, and then wait until he's on a Zoom call tomorrow and move the snowboard in, propping it in view. Rinse and repeat with all the piles of shit too.

He is unreasonable. We have a similar set up. My husband unprompted vacated his study to allow me to work there and is sorting out the spare room for him to work in.

Dump everything of his in his office and tell him anything he puts in your office is going out the window. He's being incredibly selfish

Rent him a storage space and move his stuff out.

Of course he is. Dump his stuff back in ‘his’ office.

He does say I'm a princess and that he puts ups with so much and I get my own way all the time

Does he put up with much? Do you get your own way all the time?

Or does this translate to every once in a blue moon he doesn't get absolutely everything his way?

His shit goes in his room. If he doesn't want it in his room he needs to figure out storage or donation.

If it went in my room, I would be figuring out storage or donation, and making it very clear that this would be the end fate for so much as a tooth pick he put in my work space.

You both get one room, with just your shit in it. He can pick which.

What would he say he has compromised for you?

Ask him to explain how it's fair when both of you are wfh that one of you has their own dedicated space and the other has a small cramped space full of the other ones junk. Just 'because its always been this way' isnt a reason not to change things when working patterns have changed. Making out you're difficult is a shit way of ending an argument, when you havent got a valid or logical argument.

Take his shit and dump it into his study. Why the fuck are you putting up with this?

I would seriously consider putting a padlock on your office door once his stuff is out, then buying some ear plugs

He sounds quite horrible, OP 😢

What are his good points?

Argh I was worried about posting on here because I was worried I'd get flamed so very surprised that everyone is on my side.
It hadn't even occured to me to do storage, that's such a handy idea!

I'm just really upset. I can't ever reason with him im just always wrong or irrational.
If we fight it's me who is wrong and I get so fed up.
I don't know how to 'nip it in the bud'
I've even suggested counselling and he's happy to do this but we've never taken the step.
He makes himself out to be really easy going blah blah blah and he truly believes he is so level head and chilled but he's not everything has to be done his way, I feel I get pulled up on a lot of things and ALWAYS feel like he's telling me off like a child. This is why I want counselling for him to see how deeply this upsets me.
I hate to say it but his ex wife pretty much felt the same

Put the mattress on the floor and sleep in the spare room from now on. Do not do anything for him at all.

He’ll break before you do...if not, divorce him. He’s clearly an arsehole.

Why does he believe you are not entitled to the same space as him? Does he believe his job is more ‘important’ than yours?

I’d be very firmly telling him his behaviour is unsupportive, a little like bullying, misogynistic and he is quite simply being a massive twat.

My DH also had his own study before lockdown, set up exactly as he liked. He can work off a laptop whereas I need 2 separate monitors and a laptop.

With no prompting when my work delivered my work equipment (I was out) he set it all up for me on the only desk and in the main he now works from an arm chair in the (formerly ‘his’) study. We schedule our meetings so they’re staggered.

Your DH is being incredibly selfish.

Come on, OP, you KNOW YANBU.
Is he a demanding and selfish idiot in any other ways? Is this the tip of the iceberg?

He gets really pissy if I don't so it's easier just to go along with it

He is already controlling /manipulating/ training you to bend to his will.

On this issue, just say to him:

There are 3 rooms, DH. We share one as a bedroom. We both need one room each to work in, and to store our own belongings in. Which room would you like?

One the rest - go to counselling or find your voice. My DH is hard to disagree with sometimes, but you need to stick at it. The more you stand your ground, the easier it is. That's what I mean - you need to get MORE difficult and princessy, not less.

And if he complains (and he will), keep offering to go to counselling "As we're clearly not communicating effectively, DH."

He'll either shape up and pipe down, or you can go to counselling. Win-win as it'll get sorted one way or another.