to be really annoyed DDs tutor has quit

[user713467]

AGH really annoyed and need some perspective.

Just got apologetic email from DDs maths tutor. He has said that unfortunately due to health issues he's unable to continue teaching her a level maths. He's offered to work with DD for four more weeks but will need to stop by mid-feb. He's also said he'd be happy to do monthly informal "check in" with DD (no charge) to chat about revision and school etc until a levels finish, but can't commit to formal classes due to his health.

Am I being a dick to be really annoyed? I don't understand how someone can be really ill but also offer to do four more classes? Don't know much about him apart from that he works as a science researcher and wondering if it's just an excuse?

Have typed out long email saying how much he's helped DD and asked if he knows who we could replace him with but haven't sent yet.

You can be frustrated with the situation, that's understandable, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say your emotions were confused. Poor man. Becoming ill enough to give up paid work in the middle of a pandemic. Alternatively, you are an absolute nightmare of a client and he wants to drop you. Either way, I feel bad for him.

You remind me of someone who wrote to us at work demanding an employee be sacked for having the temerity to die.

Don't often see such a unanimous vote

You are being v v unreasonable and selfish.

@iklboo

You remind me of someone who wrote to us at work demanding an employee be sacked for having the temerity to die.

good lord

email sent - thanking him hugely, saying how much confidence DD has gained since working with him and how grateful we are. Added I'm really sorry to hear about his health issues (and honestly I am, was just being a selfish ass in the moment!) and if he ever wanted to do a no commitment short notice class for some extra money down the line to just give DD a shout.

Didn't ask him to suggest a replacement as that's not his job!

Maybe you should find a tutor for yourself OP to teach you some empathy. Hope this selfishness you speak of is not trickling through to your DC - definitely not a nice trait to have

OP you are probably now going to get 5 more pages of how unreasonable you are so just wanted to quickly post to say kudos for being able to recognise and accept what everyone has said! You can't be all bad

Aw that's good to hear.

@user713467

And, just out of interest, if your child had dropped maths, or you'd found a new tutor, would you have felt an 'unspoken commitment' to pay him until the end of her year 13?

ok totally fair no I wouldn't have

I'm being a total dick and v glad i posted here before emailing or complaining to someone IRL

@user713467

At least you have the courage and humility to admit you were in the wrong.
That is a rare thing. and you didn't send the email.

Hope you find a lovely Maths tutor who is just as good as the current one.

No , YANBU, you should have absolute control over this guy's life

You sound horrible. Really horrible.

Delighted to see that you accepted you're in the wrong OP and sent a nice email! There's hope for AIBU yet.

Jeez. Glad you saw sense though.

Glad to read your update.

This post is vile. You have literally no idea what his issues are. He could have ca car and be starting treatment for all you know. You sound an awful person

This is the first time I've ever seen 100% YABU on a thread. There is Always some cunty sect of folk who insist whatever the OP said/thinks/did was reasonable.

Well done OP, you have united Mumsnet!

@SecretRedhead

This is the first time I've ever seen 100% YABU on a thread. There is Always some cunty sect of folk who insist whatever the OP said/thinks/did was reasonable.

Well done OP, you have united Mumsnet!

I was thinking this too Especially amazing with so many votes on the thread!

I'm being a total dick and v glad i posted here before emailing or complaining to someone IRL

Have this or as you're going to get a lot of harsh responses - I checked to see if you'd seen the error of your ways before posting what I thought on reading your op.

Very well done for checking!

I am CEV and an long term medications. if the Dr says that i have to come off my medications then I may be ok now, and may be okish in 2 weeks. At 4 weeks i would be struggling and by 6-8 I would likely be bed bound. I have jhad to give notice to short term placements within primary schools and nobody there seemed to understand that today I am ok, but in 3-4 weeks I won't be. Unless you have dealt with things like this, you can not even begin to undertsand how it is. And honestly, even whn I AM ok, I forget that i am ill at times and get the hum with other peoples health issues....then I remind myself to wind my neck in and be grateful I am ok.

Yabvvu

Yes, you're correct. You need some perspective.

You need to consider that this tutor is human and your daughter's need for tuition does not trump his personal health needs.

If your attitude to him stopping tuition is reflective of the way you've treated him while tutoring your daughter then may be he just wants out.

4 weeks notice is very fair AND he's offering to continue to help for free. How can you possibly be so annoyed at him????

You are, indeed, a massive dick and if you do not change then your daughter too will grow up to be a massive dick.
Get her to write a thank you letter and add a bottle of wine and wish him the best.

Thank goodness you saw sense.

I'm a tutor too and I'm utterly fed up with Parents who pull the guilt trip card when things don't go their way. They would never take the same from the tutor and would never bend over backwards to be accommodating the way they expect tutors to.

I hope you find a lovely new tutor for your daughter.

Jesus Christ - all the people suggesting zoom classes - presumably imagining him willing to log in from his sick bed. TEACHING VIA ZOOM IS HARDER YOU BLOODY IDIOTS.

Maybe his very elderly mum is coming to stay with him over lockdown? There are all sorts of reasons why he may be fine for 4 weeks and then not.